Getting Unstuck

A great plan is an invaluable roadmap to success- the only catch is that is has to be put into action. Sometimes you can start off on a roll and then find that you are stuck or not moving forward. This is something that happens to many people, especially when you come out of the gate flying. What happens too often is that you often plan for certain things and envision certain results. Once you get to that point then the plan needs to be extended to the next step. When you find yourself stuck on an endeavor, start by asking yourself these 5 questions.

1. Where do I want to go that I’m not moving toward?

Sometimes what may seem like being stuck is you actually getting to where you wanted to be. Many professionals find themselves in this situation some times. At the start of their career or when they start a new business, they seem to be making great strides and moving quickly up the ranks, until eventually they plateau. It’s not that they don’t have that same drive as before, rather that the desire has been satisfied. If you want to start your business to work on your own terms and make enough to support yourself, you can do that. Societal norms however dictate that you want to get to the top of the organization, or grow your business into an empire. Always remember that it is possible that what you want is always ok. Enjoy having reached your goal. Don’t push it, and your new goal will reveal itself when you are ready.

When you allow societal norm to dictate what you pursue you are at risk of diminishing your drive and your confidence. When you go after something you don’t really want, you may not put forth the same effort you do for what you want. When this results in not reaching the goal your confidence can be affected. You may start to wonder if you “still got it” and or start accepting that this is the best you can do. This is very dangerous, because when you later establish new goals motivated by what you want, this established thought can impede your ability to successfully reach your new goal. Before you start chasing any dream, make sure that it is yours.

1. What am I looking to gain by going this extra distance?

I can never say enough how important it is that goals are specific. A very successful career is not the same as President of a Fortune 500 company. It’s the difference between going to America and going to Disney Land. The more specific you are the easier it will be to map it out and follow the route. Many people who find themselves “stuck” don’t have a clear enough idea of where they want to go, so they find themselves working and not getting anywhere, which discourages them from wanting to continue. When you come to a rotary in the road, each of the four or more exits will take you to a location. The signs even tell you where each exit leads, but if you don’t know where you want to go, you can continue going round until you run out gas but you will still be in the same place.

Too often people go out in search of success without a clear definition of what that means for them. Many times they end up getting pulled in all sorts of direction that don’t give the results they want since they didn’t know what they wanted to begin with. The guy who wants to be shift supervisor is following a different path from the one who wants to be CEO. If you can demonstrate that you’re a team player and can be counted on, you could be a shift supervisor in many places. If your aspiration is to be CEO, you’ll need to forego being the one who can be counted on right now, pass on being the one who comes through to cover that shift so that you can attend classes and earn the degree that the CEO will need. Both of these positions require some sacrifice, and each one will make the sacrifice that earns him the desired positions.

Entrepreneurs often have great difficulty with this when they don’t have a clear business plan. They can dither in figuring out if they are going after the individual customer or the larger corporation. While it is possible to successfully do both, you need to know how much of your resources that you will designate for each. If you know the direction you want to go with our business then you can plan accordingly so that you can follow the path that leads you there.

What will (or do) I need to do to make it to the end of this goal?

Not having the proper resources is another place where people find themselves stuck. That is why it’s important to constantly take inventory of resources that are needed, those that are available as well as those that need to be secured. By doing this, you are less likely to be caught by surprise and find yourself rushing to accommodate or waiting at a standstill. When you have the resources at your disposal, you are less likely to have to break momentum waiting for them. If that has already happened and you find yourself stuck, this is a good time to go over what has been done, make revisions and review the plan. This will also allow you to see what resources that you may still need to procure in order to move forward and keep progress going. Timing is a very effective tool that can work for you in this case too. If you have to get things or have them delivered, you can schedule it so that deliveries are made just in time for the next step, which would be a great motivation to finish with the current step so that you are ready to move forward in time.

One of the things that many people do need is motivation. For any goal, motivation can play a crucial role. Having the people, objects, or events that motivate you in place for when they are is one of those necessities that can get overlooked. In many cases, if you are stuck that is one area that should be evaluated. You need to make sure that your motivators are in place and actually doing the job. If it’s your friends and family that you rely on for motivation, you need to make sure that they not only know that, but they are also able and willing to take on this task. If you need daily motivation, you have to make sure that you are not looking to get that from someone you talk to every two weeks, but instead from someone who you have daily interactions with.

1. What can be done to fit the process into my lifestyle?

Our society encourages people to fit into existing boxes, but since we’re all so different the fit does not always work for everyone. Sometimes it’s best to the model and customize it to fit you. Another reason that people often get stuck is that they try to do things that they either don’t want to do or that just don’t work for them. Find a way to incorporate what you have to do into what you want to do. Not wanting to engage in certain activities is a great source of delay that can be avoided. It is much easier to fit a process into your lifestyle than to do it the other way around. So instead of uprooting your lifestyle, start with reconfiguring the process so that it fits your lifestyle and its purpose. So once you determine the tools, steps or activities that are necessary to realize your goal, start looking for ways to fit these into your schedule and giving them a place in your daily routine. By doing this you also don’t stall out trying to find time to move along with your project, because it already has its place in your day. If you start to find that you don’t have time or you are missing scheduled activities, it may mean that you need revisit the process for goodness of fit. Some times that may mean that you have to tweak it, and that’s perfectly fine, as long as your changes do not reduce efficiency or effectiveness. The best case scenario of-course is that your tweaking would improve these two, which would in turn increase productivity.

1. What will be my reward for making it to the end?

Many people who say they’re stuck are just not motivated. They don’t have a strong enough reason to make them want to continue moving toward a goal.

Rewards are motivator. It does not matter how great or small the reward is; what matters is how much you want it. As a therapist I used to give toy cars to some of the boys I worked with as part of their behavior modification plans. The more they wanted the car, the harder they worked on their behavior. Each car they got had its purpose to them, maybe it was completing their line of Lamborghinis or adding their first one (yes I was matchbox baller). Once they knew why they wanted that reward they worked for it. As an adult you may want more than toy cars but you can still be motivated by rewards. Maybe you want the real Lambo. What ever the reward is, it has to be something you really wanted.

Your reward must be something that you have chosen because you want it, not because society or others think you should have. It has to be something that you want so much that the thought of getting it makes you smile, because that is what you will be focusing your attention on during these rough patches when they you feel like you’ve had enough and are ready to let go.

Rewards don’t have to be material, they just have to be tangible. Having time to do more with your family, special trips, self-time are all great rewards for those who want them. Helping others can be a great reward if that is what you want to do. If you want a safe environment for teens in your community to be, you will feel great when you open the teen center that will provide an alternative to hanging out at some corner, and that is a great reward.

Say My Name & Make My Day

In this new world of IDK TTYL BRB LOL 🙂 we are at the point where to human connection seeming further away everyday. Birthday wishes now come in the form of TXT or social media wall posts. We say Happy Holidays via mass text messages. The personal touch is going out of style.

When I was younger I used to read people’s name tags to mess with them. I’d talk to the person like I know the. I’d say things like “Hey James long time no see” and watch them struggle to figure out where they know me from and recall my name. Like I said I was young.

A few years ago I started using this information positively. I decided that I would greet the person by name instead of the usual nod and smile people do (at least that I do). It turns out to have been a great experience. If I make eye contact with a person as I pass them I’ll say “Good morning Joe” or “Have a nice day Liz” instead of the normal “hi” that sometimes seem uncomfortably obligatory. Who can forget that most insincere “how you doing?” that people say to each other as they walk by. The other person often responds with the same question or says “Good thanks. And yourself?” but by that time the person is long gone since no one listens to the response.

I even took it to the stores and other businesses I frequent. When I walk by employees, I acknowledge them by name. If I’m stopping someone to ask a question, I greet them by name. After my purchase is rung up, I thank the cashier by name. The name is already plastered on their chest where it takes no effort to read. My interactions generally end with me saying “Thank you NAME. Have a great day!”

The reactions have been priceless. When someone is running into a store after a long day at works and someone takes the time to smile at them and say “good afternoon Ann” or “hello Kevin” you can see the reaction taking place. Yes there is the original confusion, but that is followed by a genuine smile. That’s when you know you made a difference in the moment for that person. That tired look in their eyes, or the dazed look of being in their own little world disappears for a quick second. You are not necessarily changing the person’s life, but you make a difference for them in that moment- and possibly the rest of the day.

We spend so much of our time being identified and identifying others by numbers – Social Security #, Student ID #, Employee ID #, account #, Unit #… Some times it’s just refreshing to get that human connection.

So the next time to can see someone’s name address them by name. Greet them by name. Thank them by name. It’s an experience that is likely to bring a smile to their face and most definitely yours.

 I’m just saying though…

Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com