August 8, 2011 at 3:10 pm
Not long ago I found myself in a discussion with someone who was holding back from doing what she wanted for fear of what others may think. How many times have we all seen that? How many times have we DONE that? If you take some time to look around you’ll notice that not only are there people around you who are not pursuing their dreams and getting what they want from life, you may have at some point even been one of those. I know I have.
I talk a lot about my swimming adventures now, but two summers ago I would even look at water, so jumping in was definitely out of the question. Yes, I know I’m from an island. I could see the Atlantic from the front porch of my home in Haiti, but we don’t mess with water like that. Later on (late teens – early 20s) I did want to learn to swim, but the thought of how I would look a “grown woman” trying to swim did cross my mind. In fact so much that I delayed this pursuit a few times. The opportunity presented itself again a couple of years ago and I accepted a friend’s offer to teach me. One of my best decisions! I didn’t just find my new favorite form of complete workout; I also learned a potentially life-saving skill. I won’t lie, I’m still a Black woman and my hair plays a big part of deciding when and how often I swim, but everyday in the pool is a joy and a blessing.
My hang-ups about being a grown woman learning to swim may not have had great professional impacts, but still affected my life. The level of exercise I accomplish through an hour of swimming would take me a good two hours in the gym. A small but notable impact on my every day life. Unfortunately, for most people the impact is much greater. When you start thinking of people who are delaying going back to complete their schooling, making career moves that are not in line with what is expected of them. While delaying their personal advancements, they are frequently faced with a disgruntled existence. Some things may be going well, but that missing piece keeps the picture from being complete. Over time the void left by the missing piece seems to get bigger and the discontent that wraps around it has no choice but to grow along.
Earlier I watched a clip of a presentation by Abiola Abrams, where her message was “So What?” – encouraging her audience to stand up to their self-imposed limitations. That’s exactly what all of us need to learn to say about the opinions of others and the limitations we try to put on ourselves. These limitations give the individual permission to not do their best. The limitations become the crutches that justify not getting in the race even as the lone competitor.
The limitations that you place on yourself or allow others to place on you in the end are costing you a great deal, but having little if any effect on the external limiters. In most cases the individuals whose opinions you are concerned with are too busy focusing on their own issues to even have an opinion on what you are or aren’t doing. In the rare case that others are taking the time to form an opinion, your thought should be more on what part of their own growth are they neglecting to make time to criticize you?
You can’t waste your time worrying about people who are too busy getting their house in order to even be concerned with you. As you cower away, shielding yourself from their judgment, they will be more than occupied with experiencing their own growth, enjoying their own successes and living a life that you can now only wish for from your little corner of fear. These are not the type of people whose opinion you need to worry about, instead they are the people who you can take a hint from. Seeing how they go for their goals should be a source of inspiration not intimidation. They may be facing the same limitations you are, but having chosen to succeed they could not be bothered with limitations. Instead of worrying what they would think of you, focus on how you can get their help on your own journey. They may be too busy to judge you but they could still make time to help you. Quite often, learning from them does not even require more than observing their normal behaviors, which speak volumes.
And you should certainly not waste your time on those you fill their time in judgment of those working toward personal growth and achievement instead of doing the same. Chances are, if they were not just as concerned of what others may think of them, they would probably be out there making the same efforts as you. Once you have taken the first step of getting started, you are already ahead of them.
Like the lyrics from that old song say “haters gonna hate ballers gonna ball”. While all that is happening it will be up to you to decide where you fit in the picture. You can sit back and avoid having people judge you for daring to expand your horizons. At the end of the day you will be right where you started with them. You also always have the option of taking that leap and giving it your all. But at the end of that day even if you’ve not yet arrived, you will certainly be closer to your goal and probably a comfortable distance ahead of those who were too busy judging you to get started themselves.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
