June 20, 2011 at 3:44 pm
One of my friends used to have an Eleanor Roosevelt quote on her voice mail “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”. I had to restate this more than a couple of times this past week as I heard people say in one context or another how someone made them feel. To allow someone to make you feel that you are unworthy or less deserving is to allow that individual to wield too much power over you. Anyone can slip into that negative thought for a brief moment. What makes the difference is how long you choose to stay in that moment and how you react to it.
Your worth and everything that you deserve must first start with you. If you don’t know or believe that you are worthy and deserving of great things, you will be susceptible to any cues that others may present, whether intentionally or not. If you choose to know your value to this world, then the opinions of others would weigh less on your feelings about yourself. And even if someone did suggest otherwise you would not be easily convinced.
Frequently, in these situations when you allow another person’s behaviors or statements to dictate your feelings it is truly because are taking on something that had nothing to do with you. People generally don’t act to negatively impact others, but instead act for their own personal convenience. So if a man or woman is not giving you the attention you desire, it’s not because you aren’t worth it; but because his values are placed elsewhere at the moment. If you decide to make yourself responsible for other people’s choice than you are placing yourself in a position to feel a great deal of hurt. You may blame them, but the true cause is somewhere inside of you.
Still, if other people’s opinions, behaviors or insecurities are affecting your views of yourself, the great question then is: What is going on with you that is allowing you to give someone else the power to dictate your feelings about yourself. Instead of focusing on the other party and how they made you feel, focus inside and uncover the root of that feeling. Someone cannot make you feel insecure if the seed of insecurity is not already activated within you.
When someone else’s cues are surfacing negative feelings about yourself, it’s time to do some work on yourself. This may be as simple as taking an inventory of the many things that make you great, but sometimes it could be deeper. You must be willing to invest the time and effort to gain or regain your connection to who you are. If the inventory does not get you to the level that you need to be, then seek help. Whether through professional help or the use of tools to help yourself, it’s worth taking the time to strengthen one’s sense of self worth because what you believe your self to be is what you will truly be. The truth remains: no matter how many times others may tell you that you are amazing; you need to believe that for it to have any impact. Otherwise the positive feedback of many will be easily drowned by the criticism of one.
As René Descartes put it “I think therefore I am”. So positive or destructive, the way it is in your mind is the way it will be in your reality. Next time you think someone is making you feel that you are not worth something, ask yourself why you are agreeing, then work to change that.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
