Five (5) ADHD / ADD Self-Esteem Maintenance Tips During The Coronavirus / COVID-19 Pandemic
It’s always a good time to take care of maintaining one’s self-esteem, but during the COVID-19 pandemic when stress levels are so high and lack of structure is making things so difficult, it is even more important now. The Coronavirus outbreak has exposed weaknesses in many people’s ADHD / ADD management systems. When people are experiencing difficulties with keeping things together or even handling some of the basic tasks of adulting, it can take a toll on your self-esteem. Everyone has had to adjust to the new life in the time of COVID 19 and figuring out how to operate around the chaos of the Coronavirus. The adjustments and the struggles look different for everyone with or without ADHD / ADD adding to the demands. Go easy on yourself. Surround yourself with doers, and do not compare yourself to others. Everyone is figuring it out as they go along. We are indeed in this together.
You Are Worth it!
One of my friends used to have an Eleanor Roosevelt quote on her voice mail “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”. I had to restate this more than a couple of times this past week as I heard people say in one context or another how someone made them feel. To allow someone to make you feel that you are unworthy or less deserving is to allow that individual to wield too much power over you. Anyone can slip into that negative thought for a brief moment. What makes the difference is how long you choose to stay in that moment and how you react to it.
Your worth and everything that you deserve must first start with you. If you don’t know or believe that you are worthy and deserving of great things, you will be susceptible to any cues that others may present, whether intentionally or not. If you choose to know your value to this world, then the opinions of others would weigh less on your feelings about yourself. And even if someone did suggest otherwise you would not be easily convinced.
Frequently, in these situations when you allow another person’s behaviors or statements to dictate your feelings it is truly because are taking on something that had nothing to do with you. People generally don’t act to negatively impact others, but instead act for their own personal convenience. So if a man or woman is not giving you the attention you desire, it’s not because you aren’t worth it; but because his values are placed elsewhere at the moment. If you decide to make yourself responsible for other people’s choice than you are placing yourself in a position to feel a great deal of hurt. You may blame them, but the true cause is somewhere inside of you.
Still, if other people’s opinions, behaviors or insecurities are affecting your views of yourself, the great question then is: What is going on with you that is allowing you to give someone else the power to dictate your feelings about yourself. Instead of focusing on the other party and how they made you feel, focus inside and uncover the root of that feeling. Someone cannot make you feel insecure if the seed of insecurity is not already activated within you.
When someone else’s cues are surfacing negative feelings about yourself, it’s time to do some work on yourself. This may be as simple as taking an inventory of the many things that make you great, but sometimes it could be deeper. You must be willing to invest the time and effort to gain or regain your connection to who you are. If the inventory does not get you to the level that you need to be, then seek help. Whether through professional help or the use of tools to help yourself, it’s worth taking the time to strengthen one’s sense of self worth because what you believe your self to be is what you will truly be. The truth remains: no matter how many times others may tell you that you are amazing; you need to believe that for it to have any impact. Otherwise the positive feedback of many will be easily drowned by the criticism of one.
As René Descartes put it “I think therefore I am”. So positive or destructive, the way it is in your mind is the way it will be in your reality. Next time you think someone is making you feel that you are not worth something, ask yourself why you are agreeing, then work to change that.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
Brand Representation is 24/7
This weekend I had the pleasure of meeting a very nice young man at Jazz in the Gardens. From talking to him I’d say he’s either very sweet or at least good at faking it. He started conversing with my friend who thought he looked like he was 15 years old. No matter where he tried to take the conversation she was stuck on the fact that he looked like he was 15. At some point he sought my assistance but once the first impression has been made then it’s been made.
Maybe he is 25 like he said but he did not look it. When he was telling me how much it bothers him when people dismiss him like a kid because he looks so young I could not help but get into a discussion of his appearance. He has a very young looking face, and additionally, he was wearing an over-sized t-shirt and too loose shorts. So yes, he looked like he was in high school- the early years. He explained to me that he did not plan on meeting anyone, and that he was “just hanging out. That’s what I wear when I’m just hanging.” As he raved to me about how she is everything he’s been looking for, I could not help but think how I’ve heard this before, except that it usually is about missed professional opportunities.
When you have a goal or are looking to achieve certain things, there is no such thing as “just hanging out”. Every step you take can lead you to a great opportunity and you have to be ready to take it. You can easily meet the woman of your dreams in the park or the executive you can catapult your business into a Forbes rated status while standing in line at the post office. The big question is- will you look the part?
If you don’t look the part it’s much harder to convince someone to cast you for it or give you a second chance. Why should they give you an hour when you just wasted 2 minutes? When you step into the outside world you need to look the way you want to be seen. I tried to explain to the young man different things he could do help him look more like a mature adult, but he seemed to be thinking more about fitting in with his current circle than appealing to the type of women he’s looking for. I gave him the same advice I’ve given to some professionals- Be believable!
If the situation was reversed, would you believe you are who you say you are and capable of what you claim? We can’t just expect people to ignore all their own observations and believe the words we want them to despite the obvious contradictions. This is not just about physical appearance either. You must represent your brand on every level at all times. No one wears a suit everyday, but when you step out of your house you are representing your brand. If physical appearance is important to your goal, you need look that part. When knowledge matters, you need to be able to discuss the pertinent subject matter without prior notice. Succeeding is not just about how skilled and knowledgeable you are; you have to also be able to secure the opportunities to show the results you can produce with your skills and knowledge.
To avoid missing out on great opportunities, it’s important to re member that:
- You can’t delete entries from the human memory at will, so avoid allowing entries that you would later want to delete.
- You can’t bring your résumé every where you go, so you as the individual must be able to represent what it says.
- If you would have reservations hiring someone looking or behaving as you are, for your most important needs, others will likely have similar reservations about contracting your services.
- Opportunities that can be found in the least expected places are often once in a life time occurrences.
Life has much to offer, but we don’t always know what will be offered when. As a result, every day has the potential to bring with it that great long awaited offer. Of-course this makes things a bit more demanding, but that’s the way success is.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
How to boost a man’s self esteem
Men’s sense of self is more often tied to abilities. They tend to be more into what they can do. Whereas a woman can get a quick boost from a personal compliment, for a man, a compliment about a skill or talent is likely to lead to that same boost quicker. Please don’t mistake this to mean that men are not in tune with their inner selves, because many of them are. Many men have gone through the process of exploring the depth of their souls and come to appreciate who they are greatly. For those men, being able to see, appreciate and acknowledge that inner peace and confidence in him can go a long way. Of-course that would in most cases require knowing this person on deeper level and taking time to see those innermost qualities.
There are a few on the surface things that can help. Making a man feel needed is one that is often a sure fire way to get there. Unfortunately, today’s independent women have been chipping away at this little tool. You pay your own bills, can change your own tires or call AAA, and you will hire someone to mow the lawn on the house that you bought. Every now and again, though it would not be so bad to let him help with some of the “manly stuff”, like the car or something with the house. You know you could take care of it, but it’s nice to have him do it for you and he relieves you of the pressure or responsibility of having to handle it. One less thing to worry about.
This brings me to my next point. When a man does something for you, whether it is because you could not do it or because you allowed him to help, be appreciative. People want to help, but no one wants to feel unappreciated. No matter how little or how big the deed, it’s important that he knows that his efforts are appreciated. Otherwise he has no incentive to want to help again, and you will both be denying him the opportunity to step up and do more of these things that should make him feel great.
Rewards are great at any age. The last thing I asked of a man, was to come tighten the lug nuts after I changed a tire. Do you think after he came to do this in the middle of his workday that I planned something special for him? You better believe it! He needs to know that he is appreciated. Sincerely telling him is one way, but it’s also nice to do things for him as well. And this does not mean going all out. It could be as simple as a special dinner that is planned with his preferences in mind. This is simple enough that it could be done for a friend or your man.
Treating a man special is something that is too often overlooked but is such a great tool. Many men will say that this is not their “thing”, but a spa day is such a great gift. The massage, the facial, the mani/pedi can all be tailored for the manly man (in my immaturity – I still laugh at the clear polish on the nails though). In today’s tougher economic time, it may not be as easy to afford the day at the spa, but providing all the services for him at home may work just as well.
Game day preparations are also a big hit for the sports aficionado. Whether you get everything ready and leave after you get his boys to come over, or it’s a party for two (if you’re WATCHING the game too); when you plan it with him in mind he will feel it.
Taking him to the game is one that can work with your man or any other male in your life. A day about him, where he is picked up (you do the driving no matter how far) and you take care of everything until you drop him home. When you go through the trouble of making a day about someone, that says “I think you are important”, and it validates this person’s place in your life. He will also be thinking “I must really be important for someone to go through all the trouble of planning a day for me”, and that will have a positive impact on his views of self as well. Everyone wants to feel that they matter.
Looks are important too. Just as a woman likes to hear that she’s beautiful when she gets all dolled up, and man will enjoy that too. Men also put forth the effort to smell nice, so when he does smell nice that should also be complimented. Smiles, teeth, eyes and whatever else comes up are also good targets for compliments as well. The catch to making the most impact with a compliment is to lead with it. When a person compliments you first, there is that rule of politeness that you feel the need to return the compliment. No matter how genuine the returned compliment is, sometimes it can feel less than heartfelt or you run the risk of the person thinking that you were just returning their compliment. When you lead with a compliment, there is not as much wiggle room for the interpretation of your intent – It’s a compliment.
During the harder times, things get a little tricky. For instance, in these economic times when there are many men who are unemployed. If yours is one of them it’ll be hard on both of you. To start, you may need a book of affirmations (I’m only partly joking with this one). If your man is at that stage he may need you now more than ever, because when he doubts, he needs you to believe in him. He needs to know that you are behind him no matter what. These are the times for the SILENT sacrifices; when you have to pass on something you want, and not complain about it. This is when you don’t go to the concert and plan a nice romantic evening at home instead. It will be hard to work the extra hours and then come home to look over his new cover letter, but your devotion will motivate him to keep trying.
It is true that actions do speak louder than words, but words can also be very powerful. As a therapist, when working with children who were aggressive and getting into fights, I remember teaching them this statement “hands are for helping, not for hurting”. They would memorize it and eventually we got to where they would say it either out loud or just think it when they were angry and wanted to hit someone. This technique took time but once mastered had a good success rate. Adults don’t get into the physical altercations as much but they can be hurtful with their words. Sometimes it is out of anger or just a purely unintentional slip, but once the words are out they cannot be put back in. The best measure is to place a filter between the thought and the verbalization.
Try this exercise that can be used with anyone in your life. When you get ready to say something take a moment to evaluate the potential impact of the words you are going to say. As you do this you will remind yourself “words are for helping, not for hurting”. If you find that the words you were ready to utter are not going to help the person, take a second to find a more positive response before you speak. Use words to empower him. If a man is down, the intent should always be to build him back up, not bring him further down. When a man is up, you can strive to help him get higher.
Five things you can do:
1. Tell him you believe in him.
2. Show and tell him that he is appreciated.
3. Acknowledge his successes.
4. Wish him well when he’s down, if you pray tell him you pray for him.
5. Remind him how great he is.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
Boost your Self-esteem – Nurture your talents
We’ve all heard the saying “if you don’t use it, you loose it”. In most cases that is not exactly true, but in some ways it may be. We all have great talents within us, but too often the demands of everyday life lead us to put them aside. As children, many of us had these great talents that we “outgrew” when we chose to follow more practical routes. The truth is more practical does not always mean better. Choosing the “practical” does not have to mean giving up on the enjoyable.
These talents provide many necessary parts of our lives that are often overlooked. By continuing to nurture a talent individuals also find an opportunity to experience personal growth and improve self-esteem.
The first is the opportunity for growth. As you nurture your talents the skill level will undoubtedly improve. This is not to say that by continuing to practice the piano everyone can become the next Mozart, rather that over time and with practice, they will play better. In order to do this, you have to find opportunities to continue developing your talents. If as a child you sung well, this may be you great talent that needs to be nurtured. Take the time to practice. Singing along with the radio can be great, but in most cases you would then be trying to sing with/like the artist you are singing along with and not developing your own voice and sound.
When lessons are possible and finances allow, take a lesson or two, to get the basics and add some structure. This will provide motivation to keep going. The better you get, the better you will feel. The better you feel, the more motivated you will be to work harder and get better. If you were a visual artist, the same principles will apply. Catch 22? Just little.
The point is, whatever that talent used to be that inspired you as a child, it could still have the same impact if you allow it. As you develop your talents, there is a level of growth that you will experience as you learn more about your craft and about yourself. This will boost confidence in your skills as well as capabilities. Practice doesn’t make perfect, but it makes better and provides more opportunities to learn and get even better at what you do. In that process you will also grow as you discover more about your abilities, great skills and learning styles and even what makes you tick or pleases you. What better way to uncover your learning styles could there be? Or even better, can you imagine all the other things you will achieve when you know the best way for you to learn? This can be helpful on a personal and professional level.
Continuing to grow in your craft will also lead to a continuation of personal growth. Without fail, personal growth is bound to lead to an increase in confidence and higher self-esteem. Wonder how it work?
Well, as you experience personal growth, you start to learn more about yourself and start to appreciate more of your greatness. You can discover some unique attributes that were previously hidden or ignored. The more good things you know about someone, the more you tend to like them… that goes for yourself too. Even if you were to discover some not so great things about you, as you are growing personally, you will be inclined to work on these potential blemishes, and even that will make you feel good.
Now let’s say by some fluke none of the above happened for you (though very unlikely). What then? Well then you would have had a ball trying. So either way you still win. So how about it? What hidden talent will you nurture?
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
And now, the shameless plug to stay on http://www.blogsurfer.us … Gotta get that traffic.
The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People – Developing Habits
They say youth is wasted on the young. Some times I wonder about that statement. I purchased this book during my first semester of college, as a requirement for my First Year Seminar. I bought it like all my books at that time, because my scholarship provided funding for books. Luckily I’m a packrat with a lot of space so I was able to keep it all these years. I have gone through this book several times in recent years and continue to have some aha moments each time I pick it up. Today was the realization that I recognize something new each time I open it. As a college freshman I did not take full advantage of the opportunity that was before me, when I read it again later I was able to see the potential of these lessons.
The first and most important thing about these seven habits for me was that they were all for the most part internal. It’s all things that the individual could take charge of and achieving once they decided they wanted it. And of-course committed to it. Success behaviors, once they become a habit, are able to translate into the desired success. Stephen Covey defines habits as “the intersection of knowledge, skill and desire”. He continues to say “Creating a habit requires work in all three dimensions” (p. 47). This could not be more true, and this to is internally motivated.
Can I do this is different from I can do this. One of the primary differences is that one question and one asserts. This also means that with one statement opportunity is left for doubt to come in and potentially limit possibilities.
Desire is one of our greatest resources, and with enough desire the possibilities are endless. With a strong enough desire, knowledge and skill are attainable; although I am not sure how true the reverse will be. Many people can remember a time when there was something they really wanted and their parents were starting to implement the “if you want it you have to earn it”. Yes what a nightmare that was. But the more important memory should be of how far and how much you were willing to work to get it.
Developing a habit is a simple process, though not without difficulties. If there is the desire the other two components suddenly become more attainable. Desire is the drive that will push you to get things done. That is what will make you stay up to finish that last project or read the last page. This is the reason that when people seek success or financial freedom, it is best that they seek to use what they are passionate about to fuel this desire. What the passion will do is keep you interested.
Take for example the many Multilevel Marketing opportunities or Real Estate Books or CD packages that are available and tout financial freedom in no time. These programs are offered to everyone and encourage everyone to take advantage of these opportunities… Ever wondered why they work for some but not all as is promised… One of the reasons is the lack of passion. Unless they are truly passionate about that what they are doing. They are therefore not as motivated to go above and beyond and do what it takes. I started writing this but got caught up in other stuff, but the other day a friend gave me copy of an overview on CD. So this is my queue to finish the blog series I planned. So look forward to that in the coming days…
I’ll go though each habit. A reminder for those who read it and a taste for those who haven’t. I believe that these habits a have the potential to help people move mountains if they have a desire to get to the other side. As Keith Harell would say, let’s go from part-time Positive to full-time Positive.
Pardon the shameless plug… I’m tying to stay on http://www.blogsurfer.us … Gotta get that traffic.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
