Five (5) Common Mistakes People With Mental Illness Make
People respond differently to mental illness. They employ many tactics to help them cope but sometimes the method is counter to its intent. Things such as isolation, and identifying the diagnosis are some of the mistakes that people make in dealing with the stress of mental illness. One of the most common mistakes is discontinuing treatment because they mistake having the symptoms managed for being cured.
Does your World Enhancer Know?
Sometimes we have people in our lives who just make it feel like a better place. A more enjoyable place to be. It’s not that you did not have a fulfilling life before, it’s that they enhance the greatness that once was your life. Somewhere along the way, many of us have been told that we should not fully appreciate that.
I recall being on the receiving side of that conversation a friend advised me “you can’t let him know that”. I remember what went through my mind when she said “you never tell a man that stuff”. There was a bit of confusion there—The difference between someone who is your World Enhancer and the one who is your world. When someone is your world, you can feel that there is no life without that person. When the person is your World Enhancer you know there is life away from them. They even help you see how great life is independent of them. But you also know that no matter how great life is without them, it is even better with them. The air seems sweeter, music sounds nicer, the sun is warmer and the ocean is bluer. Why would it be such a bad thing that someone knows that they do this for you?
Many people struggle with this, especially the “independent woman”. The truth is, there is nothing wrong with someone being your World Enhancer. It takes nothing away from you, yet adds so much. You may not need them to meet your basic needs, but you know they play an important role in your life and that should be both welcomed and appreciated. If he makes you feel on top of the world- Tell him. He just may d it more often just because he knows you like it. Your world enhancer will not abuse that knowledge but will instead keep it as a reminder of a standard and appreciate the privilege. If you cannot trust them to do that, then you are not dealing with a World Enhancer. It’s up to you what your next decision will be, but you should know the difference.
You’re not looking for someone to be your world. If you find yourself in a relationship where the other person is your world, then you do have some personal work to do. A situation like that is not only dangerous for you; it’s also putting a great deal of undue pressure on the other person. You cannot make someone else completely responsible for greatness and joy in your life, but there are those that you can trust to maximize what you have cultivated.
Your World Enhancer, though is completely different- That is someone you don’t just need to keep around. That is someone that you need to encourage to continue be just that that—the one who enhances every great moment just by being. We should never miss the opportunity to tell them how much we appreciate their role in our lives. So today, take a moment to appreciate your World Enhancer. Let her/him know how they make your world so much better.
Who’s your World Enhancer? Does he/she know? J
Broaden Your Sphere Of Influence One Small Act For One Individual At A Time
In his book Turning Stones, Mark Parent shares the story of a child who while walking on the beach, would pick up snails she found along the way and throw them back into the ocean. When grandma pointed out that there are so many little critters that have washed up along so many miles of shore and that throwing a few of them back really will not make a difference, the child’s response was “it makes a difference to this one” as she threw in the latest rescue.
That child realized something that many adults have forgotten- Every action makes a difference. We hear the words so often but don’t really put them into action. As the holiday season is in full bloom, stores are packed and traffic backed up it’s important to remember those words. When your place of worship needs volunteers and your schedule won’t allow you the four hours, the one hour you have can make a difference. When your local soup kitchen is making a plea for donations and you can’t afford a large cash donation, giving a few extra cans from your pantry will make a difference. It’s true that donating a box of pasta will not feed the hundreds of people in the community who are hungry, but it will make a great difference for the one family who eats because of that donation.
We sometimes spend so much time trying to save the world that we forget to help the individual next to us who is calling out for help. While things done for the masses may bring a brief moment of acknowledgement and accolades, the small gesture expended to an individual earns a deeper sense of gratitude. Public accolades may fade away, but the gratitude of the individual will not only last, it will multiply. When the individual remembers the kindness of a stranger, friend or loved one, and repays it with kindness toward another. Instead of creating one big moment that may or may not last, you inspire a cycle of influence that continues to multiply.
This same method applies in business.Although every small business owner (myself included) would love to land that one big client who catapults your business into arenas you could not imagine, taking time out to provide the super star treatment to every small deal, every sale, can have similar impact. When you provide your clients with service that are above and beyond what they expected and the competition offers, your clients can share their experience with others, thus creating a snow ball effect. The more great things you do, the more you are talked about. You may not get the one client who alone can sustain your business, but the many satisfied customers can together have the same impact as they bring others along with them.
When you are looking to widen you sphere of influence, place less emphasis on how many you can impact in one act and focus more on how deeply you can impact individuals. Individuals are the ones who will spread your message. They are the ones who will remember and act from their hearts. Individuals will carry out your message both through words and action, and they have the ability to influence others to join them. In this fad chasing world, we must always remember to focus on people, because when the hoopla dies down the people who have been personally affected will still remember. Be memorable to one, inspire one, and your reach will go beyond your imagination.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
Thoughts Dictate Actions- Only Action Can Produce Change
These days we hear a lot about changing mindsets, shifting thoughts and the many other ways that it’s said. The conversation needs to continue beyond though and into action. I am a strong proponent of changing one’s thoughts in order to make life changes. I am a Cognitive Behavior Therapist through and through. The thing about Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) is that while it starts with thoughts, its power is in the action. Changing one’s thoughts is supposed to help or at least ease the changes in behavior. It seems that there is a great deal of emphasis that is being placed on the cognitive part that is not matching with the behavior portion. It’s not just about thinking that “yes I can get the job” it’s having the mindset and following it up with actions. I have heard Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich as well as Robert Kiyosaki’s Rich Dad Poor Dad quoted out of context too many times. While both books may speak about a mindset, the behavior aspect of these lessons should not be missed. You can’t just think a million dollars into your account without first taking the steps that can generate a million dollars. Even lottery winners had to at least get the ticket.
I still remember my professor repeating “stop that stinkin’ thinkin’” which he drilled into us. The reason this change is needed is that the way we think determines how we behave. If the thinking is positive, the behaviors that follow will be positive. That will in turn produce more positive feelings and thoughts. Of course, that means that the reverse is just as true. Negative thoughts nurture negative feelings and the resulting behavior is just as negative and continues the cycle. Thankfully, it only takes one change in the pattern to break the cycle.
Following through is one of the more difficult parts of this whole thing. When making changes toward positive outcomes, the change may be slower in coming, thereby making it more difficult to notice. When things are already negative, it is easier to notice that they have not changed because there is already so much of it covering up what positive changes may have occurred.
So how do you change this?
-
Switch your mindset. Stop that stinkin’ thinkin’. Think more in terms of the outcome that you are looking for. While culturally we may be programmed to think of the many things that could go wrong, we have to change that to focusing on the many ways that things can go right. It’s not about taking pointless risks, like getting on a bike without a helmet because many accidents don’t result in head trauma. Rather it’s putting on your safety gear and then jumping on the bike because you’ve always wanted to ride, and knowing that when you follow certain safety precautions you can learn to ride and not get hurt, as opposed to not getting on the bike because people have had accidents. When you switch your mindset you are not necessarily oblivious to the fact that bad things can happen, you are just more focused to the positive things that you can make happen and taking the steps to bring them about. Instead of cowering in fear, you step out on faith.
-
Analyze the behaviors that you have engaged in the past as well as the behaviors of those who have achieved the goal that you want to achieve. You’re not looking to copy; you just need to understand the difference. Then you can move on to an assessment of your own resources to determine what you have or will need in order to change the behaviors that have held you back in the past. Of course you already know that the next step will be finding ways to tackle them.
-
Visualize yourself engaging in these behaviors. Whether it’s personal financial, professional or whatever- Visualize yourself taking the steps that are necessary and having the outcome you desire. If you can visualize yourself meeting your targets at work and getting the promotion, then your body feels safe engaging in the behavior and reaching for that outcome. Let’s face it, change is scary. If you can visualize making changes and getting the results, then you are giving yourself permission to go after them, because in your mind’s eye you have seen the positive outcome that can be reached. Once you’ve experience the feeling of being in your new home, it makes it easier to not whip out our credit card when you see those new shoes.
-
Energize your actions. Don’t just go in with the hopes of it working. Go in knowing that this is what will work. If you’ve taken the time to do your research and preparations and discovered the tools that can work, then take ownership. Know that if you do your part certain things will happen as a result. Just as you know that if you poor water on paper it gets wet, know that when you study you will learn. If occupy your mind with hopping that you learn, then you are using mental energy that can be going towards your learning to entertain the potential of a negative outcome. You’re using learning space to store your fear of not learning. How much sense does that make? Take every step expecting it to yield the positive result that it should. If you are thinking that way, your body has way of taking the steps necessary to ensure success.
Remember, if it’s worth having, it’s probably not easy to get. That is one of the ways the value of our goals are increased. The more valuable your prize, the more difficulty you may encounter in getting it. This also means that the more difficulty you encounter on the journey to reaching your goal, the more rewarding the prize will be when you do get it.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
http://www.drjudic.com/
Hateration Fuels Your Fire But You Decide Which Fire
There are many things in the world that can be used for tremendous good or evil equally. Take Chemistry for instance- with the right mix lives can be saved, while through another just as many can be destroyed. Geometry and physics can be applied to build or demolish spectacular structures. Hateration is another force that is dually powerful. It can fuel your way to success or fuel the fires of negativity incinerate your dreams.
Hateration takes the form and strength that the individual allows it to. If you decide to give in and let it win, it will take over. It can consume you and lead you to spend so much time worrying about the negatives and not enough working toward positives. It can lead you to be so blinded by obstacles that you can’t see the solutions that stare in your face. But most of all if it is allowed to, Hateration can cause you to please your haters and prove them right, by doing what they wanted you to do and failing where they predicted you would.
Hateration is like fuel that is being added to the fire. If the fire burning within you is that of doubt and discouragement, then that it will magnify them. But if you are burning with a passion for success, a strong commitment to achieve your goals, adding fuel to that fire can propel you to the next level. The criticisms of others will make you work that much harder. For every person who said you cannot do what you set out to, you will work a few more hours to make sure that you do. Each time you hear that it’s impossible you will do more research to discover how it is possible. When you use the discouragement of others as a reminder of your pioneering potential, you can’t help but push further.
In this case, hateration would be the fuel that moves you further. It’s not that you could not get there without, but since it’s there, instead of wasting your energy working to remove it, you use the energy that it can provide you. It is a great tool for those who know how to harness its energy.
The power of hateration is in what it leads you to do, and every time you use it to move closer to your goals- YOU WIN. There is saying that “behind every successful person there is a group of haters”. We hope that is not true, but is it is something that only the haters change. An individual working towards goals cannot afford the time that it takes to appease this group. That time is much better spent garnering more supporters through good work and dedication to your goals and the things that really matter.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
Beware of Good Intentions in Your Way
Sometimes people genuinely do want to help, but not everyone’s method of helping is what you actually need. When people don’t know or just can’t see your vision it can be difficult for them to advise you. This is another place where having your road map comes in handy.
Have a plan. The old adage “if you don’t stand for something, you’ll for anything” is never more true than when you are working toward a goal. This is one place where people get easily side tracked. Generally, everyone is sharing their recommendations because they want to see you succeed. But their ideas of what it takes are not always what works for your destination. When you have a plan, you will know. You will also be able to decide when a recommendation would fit well within your plan and should be added or when to just pass.
Be appreciative. When the person’s intent is to help, it’s hard to just dismiss them. You also don’t want to just push them away because you want the sentiment, their caring enough to want to help, you want that to continue. Always thank them for the recommendation. Some times that the end of it. If there is a follow up you can politely tell them that their recommendation does not fit with your current plan and what you are working to achieve. To take it a step further, you could even share with them where you are going and what you are looking for that way if they come across the resources you need in the future they will recognize them as something potentially useful to you.
Seek clarification. Sometimes an idea may not show its potential at face value. They person who makes a recommendation may know what they mean, but their presentation may not convey the benefits to you. Be clear about what is being presented as well as how you intend to use it and the benefits there in, before you run with anything. Otherwise you could find yourself perpetually in a starting point.
Be knowledgeable. People will bring recommendations. They will come to you with their good intentions, but it will be up to you to be on top of your game. Arm yourself with knowledge so that you are able to decipher valuable advice from the ones that won’t help with your progress. Unless you know what you are after; what it takes to get it; paths that can lead to success as well as those that can lead you astray, then you may be susceptible to influences that are less than helpful.
So the next time someone offers you a suggestion know what to PACK– Plan- Appreciate- Clarify- Know.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
Three (3) Crash & Burn Networking Fails to Avoid
Networking is a great tool. Whether you are a small business owner an executive or an employee seeking upward mobility. When done right, networking opens many doors, including some you may not have even known existed. Unfortunately while the value of networking is emphasized, its essence and even how it’s done are often neglected in the conversation. It is an art that is unsuccessfully attempted by many but those who get it right often reap immeasurable benefits. While many tell you what to do, here are three mistakes to avoid when you step out there.
The Business Card Ambush. When someone walks up to me shoves their card in my face and proceeds to spill out a list of what they do, I generally don’t hear. For starters, once you give me something to look at I start looking at it, and if you didn’t already have my attention now you are in a competition with it. When I go home and I’m entering info in my database, I won’t remember you, except maybe as “oh yeah, that lady/guy”.
Instead introduce yourself. Have a conversation with the person where both your professional information can be shared. I recently read a book by Earl Graves where he talks about finding common ground with the person on which to build relationships. I have always believed that and it was so refreshing to finally see someone say yes that’s right. These are the little things that makes the person remember you and build interest in you professionally. Whether we both used to hang at Cambridge Commons, just started golfing or remember that KFC on Park and Washington, it’s something that makes you stand out from the other 60 people in the room that day. I’m more likely to remember that person I shared even the scantiest bit of history with than the 3rd Realtor I met that day.
The Recruiter. The idea behind networking is building a team of professionals and resources. While many people do go to networking events looking to find new clients, people don’t go in looking to become clients. That was one of the main reasons that I stopped attending local networking events. It felt like every realtor, every financial planner, insurance agent… wanted me to become a client. Not only, that many of them already wanted me on their promotional team passing out business cards. I was taken aback the first time someone handed me 5 cards so I could share just 5 minutes (if not less) after we met, but I later realized that it was not so uncommon. I’ve never been in a rude enough mood to come out and ask but I’ve often wanted to say “Do you really expect me to walk around with a stack of everyone’s card to give out?”
Don’t push your services on me the day we meet. If we end up having a follow up meeting, don’t come in looking to review my retirement portfolio. I don’t know you like that and I’m not about to hand you my personal information. Whether you give me 10 cards of one, the chances are the same- I may stick one in my files. The other ones will surely find their way to the recycling bag because I can’t give you all that space. If someone says they already have a person who does this for them leave it there for now, because that either means they already have someone or are not interested in your service. Let the person know you and be comfortable enough that you become their expert in your area. One can never have too many experts in an area that they can get information from. In due time your skills and knowledge can make you The Guy. When someone sees you as the go to guy, they don’t just come to your for their needs, they send others who have the same. It does take time to cultivate these types of relationships, but they are more valuable than those walk-by carding that a lot of people do.
The Professional Rainbow. We’ve all met the individual who has 3 or 4 or more businesses and different unrelated products that they are selling and hands you a different card for each one. If there are 50 people in this room that I could potentially meet and get a card from it’s unfair for you to want me to take 3 or 4 from you. While having multiple streams of income can be a good thing, I don’t need to know about all six of your businesses in this 5 minute conversation. You end up on a whirlwind trying to monopolize the time trying to get everything in, and the other party has the trying task of attempting to keep up. And the cards! The cards! The cards! Handing someone a stack of cards, one for each of your businesses does not make the impression of someone who could be an expert in any of those things on these cards. But no worries, as I try to figure out which category to list you under my address book, I’ll probably get a call that sidetracks me from deciding.
This is where selective marketing strategies come in handy. In lieu of trying to sell all your products at once, promote one at a time. Although most Professional Rainbows I’ve met say that their “target market is everyone” you have to narrow that down. If everyone is your target market, you have no target market and need to look up the word target. Once you’ve identified target markets for each venture then you can match events and product so that you represent each business at the functions where it is most appropriate and more likely to get you the desired results or expose you to the people you need to meet for that business. If you really cannot narrow your ventures down to match business to event, do it by days. But what ever you do come to each event representing one venture and have ONE business card. It’s ok to introduce someone to just one of your businesses. If you do your networking right, as they get to know you, they will also learn about the other businesses too.
At the end of the day, networking will remain one of the most valuable tools available to you as you work your way up the ladder of success or grow your business, but you have to get it right. Do your research. Talk to people and if you must, take a course. Be sure to do your homework. You can’t expect to get the full benefits when you are not fully investing.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
Reality Is The Product Of Investment In Dreams
Reality is not the absence of dreams. Rather it is a place where dreams can come to fruition. Have you ever heard people say that someone is living in a “dream world”? Maybe it was said about you. They say it like it’s something bad. Like you need to step out of your thoughts and your dreams and join the rest of the world in reality. But what they fail to realize is that this reality that they speak of all started with a dream. Next time you get in your car for that 2 minute drive to wherever, think of how long a walk it would have been if the dream of creating a motorized vehicle was abandoned to embrace the current reality.
Where you are today is simply an indication of where you are today and has no bearing of where you can and will be tomorrow. Your future is dictated by what your desires, your thoughts, your beliefs and willingness to take the steps necessary to get you there. It is always so frustrating to hear people place limitations on children and act them based on those limitations. Who are we to limit the future of an individual? Thinking big is not just a saying that children should hear in school, but instead it is a way of life that should be nurtured and encouraged in people of every age.
Where our society goes wrong is in not wanting to people, especially children to set themselves up for disappointment by reaching for the unattainable: a desire to provide the shelter from the negative. There are a just a few things wrong with that, including that nothing is really unattainable to the person who is determined. Instead of sheltering from disappointment, why not prevent it by realizing the dream.
If we were to survey teenage boys, we would probably find that half of them aspire to be an athlete or artist of some sort. But if we really dug deeper we would find that the desire is not so much the position as it is what they associate with it. They want what those people have. But if we take the time to really explore the dreams, the passion, we would find that there are other talents that they have that can be nurtured to help them find the success they desire. Instead of discouraging them from pursuing these dreams, we need to help them clarify what it is that they are truly after and then identify the resources they possess or need to acquire to realize these dreams. While we’re at it- we can get quite a few adults on that path too.
As with any investment, the more diligent investor tends to have a better shot. Yes, there are times that external factors can affect the returns, but more often then not, having a clear desire that is purposefully and resolutely pursued wins out. Taking the time to acquire the resources and being prepared to take the steps toward the dream no matter what should not be underestimated. The diligent investor will give their investments time to mature and know that there may be low points and that they need to stick around and ride those out no matter what, until better days come back around. Having this same attitude with one’s dreams would yield similar results. Taking the time to get the information that is needed and than being fully dedicated to implementing that knowledge can make the difference between immeasurable success or lack there of.
Whether for adults or children, it’s not about living in “the real world” or facing reality because this “real world” or reality is ever changing. More importantly each individual has the opportunity to guide the direction of that change. We may not always be able to get things to move where we want when we want just by snapping a finger, but through conscious and diligent investment in the future, big differences can be made. So next time the 15 year-old says he wants to be a football player, don’t just shut him down. Instead, explore with him what he really wants and what he has to do to get there. Then encourage him to put in the work so that one day his dream can come to fruition.
Dreams are not a bad thing. Dreams and reality are definitely not mutually exclusive. In fact, investing in dream can create a reality that is better than imagined. So don’t start dreaming and NEVER ask a child to give up on a dream. Instead make the investment that can realize your own dreams and instill in children the work ethic that will inspire them to do the same.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
Brand Representation is 24/7
This weekend I had the pleasure of meeting a very nice young man at Jazz in the Gardens. From talking to him I’d say he’s either very sweet or at least good at faking it. He started conversing with my friend who thought he looked like he was 15 years old. No matter where he tried to take the conversation she was stuck on the fact that he looked like he was 15. At some point he sought my assistance but once the first impression has been made then it’s been made.
Maybe he is 25 like he said but he did not look it. When he was telling me how much it bothers him when people dismiss him like a kid because he looks so young I could not help but get into a discussion of his appearance. He has a very young looking face, and additionally, he was wearing an over-sized t-shirt and too loose shorts. So yes, he looked like he was in high school- the early years. He explained to me that he did not plan on meeting anyone, and that he was “just hanging out. That’s what I wear when I’m just hanging.” As he raved to me about how she is everything he’s been looking for, I could not help but think how I’ve heard this before, except that it usually is about missed professional opportunities.
When you have a goal or are looking to achieve certain things, there is no such thing as “just hanging out”. Every step you take can lead you to a great opportunity and you have to be ready to take it. You can easily meet the woman of your dreams in the park or the executive you can catapult your business into a Forbes rated status while standing in line at the post office. The big question is- will you look the part?
If you don’t look the part it’s much harder to convince someone to cast you for it or give you a second chance. Why should they give you an hour when you just wasted 2 minutes? When you step into the outside world you need to look the way you want to be seen. I tried to explain to the young man different things he could do help him look more like a mature adult, but he seemed to be thinking more about fitting in with his current circle than appealing to the type of women he’s looking for. I gave him the same advice I’ve given to some professionals- Be believable!
If the situation was reversed, would you believe you are who you say you are and capable of what you claim? We can’t just expect people to ignore all their own observations and believe the words we want them to despite the obvious contradictions. This is not just about physical appearance either. You must represent your brand on every level at all times. No one wears a suit everyday, but when you step out of your house you are representing your brand. If physical appearance is important to your goal, you need look that part. When knowledge matters, you need to be able to discuss the pertinent subject matter without prior notice. Succeeding is not just about how skilled and knowledgeable you are; you have to also be able to secure the opportunities to show the results you can produce with your skills and knowledge.
To avoid missing out on great opportunities, it’s important to re member that:
- You can’t delete entries from the human memory at will, so avoid allowing entries that you would later want to delete.
- You can’t bring your résumé every where you go, so you as the individual must be able to represent what it says.
- If you would have reservations hiring someone looking or behaving as you are, for your most important needs, others will likely have similar reservations about contracting your services.
- Opportunities that can be found in the least expected places are often once in a life time occurrences.
Life has much to offer, but we don’t always know what will be offered when. As a result, every day has the potential to bring with it that great long awaited offer. Of-course this makes things a bit more demanding, but that’s the way success is.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
You Must Get Up to Win: 5 Tips For Staying Up.
The truth is, if success was easy everyone would have it, but it would not be so highly coveted. While success does not follow a straight path and may come with many difficulties and pitfalls, the journey is well worth it when you reach the desired destination. Unfortunately, many people don’t get to enjoy that last part of their success journey because they abandon the path before reaching their reward.
In any game, including the game of life, you have to get back up each time you fall to have a chance to win. There is no guarantee that you will win by getting up, but if you stay down you will lose- even if by default. Sometimes you receive a blow so hard you question whether or not you should get back up, but if you remember why you entered the game and still want a chance at winning, you have to get up.
Frankly, getting up is only the first step, because once you’re up you need to find a way to stay up. As you work your way back to your feet, there are a few steps you can take to help you stay on them.
Practice Patience. Success is indeed a journey, not a destination. There are times that we all may need to have that poster up on our wall as a reminder. Every step you take along your journey to success has its place in helping you reach your success goals. Be patient with yourself and your process. Trying to take short cuts often lead to more setbacks, but an unsuccessful attempt does not signify the end of the journey. Instead it is a reminder of a need for proactive waiting- You know what you are after and you have to be willing to proceed through the journey to get to it. You may not be able to leap over the dam without falling in a few times, but if you take a moment to find the bridge and walk across you’ll probably get there sooner- That is proactive waiting.
Assess the cause of the fall. When fall off your path you need to take a moment to figure out what happened so that when you get back up you don’t repeat the same mistakes. Determining what steps took you off your path will allow you to also explore alternatives that will help you move forward. Remember, history will continue to repeat itself as long as man is foolish enough to not learn from it. Look at the things you did to keep you on the path before and the steps that led you off it. Then use your judgments and skills to determine how you can replace these faulty steps with more productive ones.
Use your time wisely. Ever notice when a fighter falls he sometimes stays down for a few counts before he gets up? He’s taking the time to gather up his energy so that he has the strength to attack once he’s up. If you fall off your path to success this is not the time to sit around dwelling on what you did not do. It’s time to regain your strength to get back in the game with renewed energy. Look at every unsuccessful attempt as the elimination of a method, getting closer to finding the method that will work. Use that time to gather the resources that you will need to help you last longer on your next attempt.
Strategize your moves. Just because success is a journey does not mean you should just go along haphazardly and hope to get where you wanted. Every step you take should have a defined purpose; even if it’s as simple as moving the journey along or making it more pleasant. You should have a strategy that can get you from where you are to where you want to be. Having a strategy helps you maximize your resources and have greater influence and autonomy on how things go. Having a strategy can be the difference between creating your success versus hoping to succeed.
Evaluate. Constant evaluation gives the reassurance that you are taking the right steps when you see that you are staying on the right path. It also provides an opportunity to make adjustments when you have deviated from the path or when there is a need to deviate. Take care not to spend more time in this stage. Evaluation should be taking place constantly as you progress in your journey, as a result you do not need to spend an excessive amount of time on this at every turn. Manage it well.
Failure only exists when you don’t make the next attempt.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
7 Tips For Preventing Burnout
Burnout is something that is experienced by many individuals from students with a course overload, to the frontline employee who has no autonomy and feels unappreciated or the high level executives feeling the pressure to do everything. It’s a state of being emotionally drained which often comes from trying to give more of ourselves than we have to give. Though the symptoms are usually progressive, they can also be sudden, and fall into 4 major categories
Behavioral- Decrease in efficiency, reduced capacity to cope, dreading work.
Interpersonal- Withdrawing from friends and loved ones, lack of enjoyment or participation in life affirming activities.
Physical- Increased presence of insomnia or sleeping too much. Feeling fatigued or always getting sick.
Emotional/Mental- Hyper-irritability or depression, feelings of emptiness or helplessness.
Of-course these are only a few examples of the wide array of symptoms that one can experience. One of the most prevalent symptoms is the change in thought and attitude toward the job. The job you once loved becomes a dreaded enemy. The passion you had about starting your business feels more like an inescapable burden. Before you get to this point there are a few things that you can do to prevent it.
- Self-care is the first and most effective way to prevent burnout. Self-care is the simple process of taking the time to attend to your personal needs (including physical, emotional and social needs). Take care of your body, from going to the doctor to eating right and working out. You have to make sure that you are physically and mentally able to work to ensure maximum efficiency. By giving yourself a break and participating in life-affirming activities you save the stress and time it would take to deal with burnout.
- Have a life. No matter how much you enjoy your job, it can’t be all that you are. You must take time to have a life outside of work that involves people with whom you can just be yourself, where the expectation is simply that you are there as a you. Participate in life affirming activities. Go to a ballgame, attend a musical or just run in the rain. Maintain a balanced life where you have time to have fun and be serious because the body and mind need both. Do the things to get your blood pumping and remind you that you are alive.
- Keep a strong social/ emotional support system. Surrounding yourself with positive and supportive people helps keep you in that state as well. Humans are social beings. We need social interaction with our peers and even more interactions with those who keep our spirits up. When the pressures or frustrations of work start to become overwhelming those are the people you can turn to for temporarily relief while you figure out your next step or just to help you figure out how you want to move forward. When the work loads get heavy and schedules get overloaded, people have a tendency to cut out more of the leisure activities and socializing. Doing that is a great disservice to your wellbeing. When you feel you have no time to socialize, find time to reap the benefits a good support network.
- Learn to prioritize and schedule. The feeling of having to do too much at once is a stressor that can make work seem more overwhelming and a result more tasking. Being able to prioritize responsibilities and allotting time to address individual tasks makes projects more manageable, thus less stressful. Setting aside time to attend to particular tasks gives you a plan of action, which is also very effective in decreasing work-related stress.
- Address conflicts between your values and responsibilities. If you find yourself in a situation where your professional duties conflict with values and/or professional code of ethics don’t mumble about it under your breath. Doing something that conflicts with your values takes a heavy mental and physical toll. It’s like trying to keep your head above water while swimming upstream against heavy currents. You can do it for a while but eventually your body gives out. If you find that your responsibilities are in conflict with your core values, take the time to figure out an acceptable resolution for you, and present it to those with the authority to accept such adjustments. Whether that is your clients as a business owner or your managers as an employee, you have to address it with the ones who can make the change happen. Complaining to coworkers or friends only remind you how wrong things are. This information should be shared with friends and coworkers mainly in the context of having them help you brainstorm and come up with a solution.
- Be valuable, but not invaluable or valueless. You don’t have to be all for the job. When I find clients doing this, I often use the gruesome example that if they died today, the organization would begin working to replace them tomorrow. This is not to devalue the person, but simply remind them of the reality. You want to be great at what you do. You can even be the best at you do. It’s when you try to take on everything that it becomes a problem. As you attempt to take on every duty professionally, you reduce the time that you have to replenish the energy being exerted. It’s great to apply yourself. Going above and beyond the call of duty can lead to great career advancements. Making yourself carry the weight of an entire organization however places you on the fast track to burnout. There is a balance and you must find it. Even when you are building your own business, don’t put the pressure of being the one and only on your shoulders. You can still be there for your clients and provide optimal service without having to be everything to them.
- Choose autonomy over authority. Much like being the one who does everything, being the only one who makes every decision can also weigh heavily on you. Focus on the decisions at your pay grade. If you are a department director and have an office manager, let the office manager worry about ordering the office supplies (you can still put in a request for you preferred pens). Empowering your team to make decisions within the scope of their responsibility frees you from having to take on that responsibility. Delegate tasks and allow your team to take ownership. This also helps strengthen your team because autonomy is necessary at all levels of the organization. It allows people to be individuals who think for themselves instead of mechanical pieces of the organizational machine. This also allows them to feel like valued members of the organization. When your team has ownership of their projects and responsibilities, they are more productive and happier employees who will rely on you less and are less demanding on your time.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
Don’t Let Success Eclipse The Objective- 5 Tips for Maintaining Success
For most of my life I have been known as the sleepless one. My insomnia would have me up at that oddest of hours, where I’m wide awake with nothing to do. About 8 years ago I found some tools that helped. The biggest component was creating a space that was for sleeping where when I entered the room my body and mind knew it was time to relax. This required a major change since I had bee doing homework and watching TV in my room since middle school.
I moved out of my apartment where I had a desk in my room and found a place that offered a designated workspace. Since 2003 my home has always had a designated workspace which has now grown into and actual home office. My room has always been set up to provide the necessary relaxing environment and the system was working fine. As long as I went to bed at what was my bed-time, I could fall asleep and get the rest needed for a productive next day.
Seven years later this was such the norm that I forgot all about the reason for it. During the recent cold days I would go to my room with my computer. I found myself going there to do my paperwork, research and writing. As I was working in the warm and cozy environment my mind and body were readjusting to the new program. Before too long I was still up at 3 or 4 AM with my mind in full productivity mode as I toss and turn. I was getting great ideas of thing I want to do, how to fix and issue, marketing strategies, but the only thing I wanted was sleep. Blissfully unaware of the world sleep.
What actually happened was having such great success that I was taking it for granted. I lost sight of the goal and in turn started to slip back into old patterns. I lost sight of the goal I started with, which is an error many people make. When starting out in a new school or new positions we often run into this. New business owner do this much too often. When working toward the goal, it’s easy to stay focused on t as a target to be reached, but success is not a one shot deal. Once you reach it the level of success you once sought you still have to continue to work on maintaining it. Non one wants to have a successful business this year and just drop it all next year. Once you set a goal you want to arrive at that point and stay there or move forward. If you forget what you are trying to accomplish or why, you are less likely to keep working for it.
This is not to say that you should not enjoy success, rather that you should be mindful of how you got there, so that you will not what you need to do to stay there. When you enjoy the benefits of your success you are more likely to want to work to maintain it. You just have to be cautious not to take it for granted and become so complacent that you are so busy enjoying that you forget to maintain.
When it’s time to maintain the success you have earned, keep these in mind:
- When you reach a goal set a new one- Whether you are working toward maintenance or advancement a goal keeps you working toward something.
- Always set and implement Action Plan for every goal- A goal without an action plan that is being implemented is just wishful thinking which does not yield results.
- Keep yourself surrounded with others in that stage- When you reach you the success that you’ve worked for stay close to others who are there keeps you doing the things you stay there. After working so hard to succeed, you need to be around people who can show you how to keep succeeding and staying away from those behaviors that prevented you from getting there before.
- Elevate others- Knowledge is one thing that you can get more of by sharing it. By helping others learn to climb the ropes you climbed you are keeping your skills while doing good for others and making a change in the world.
- Seek ways to improve your processes- The world is evolving and if you are not keeping up you are likely to get passed up. Staying away of new research, methods and products always you to grow with clientele and their needs.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
Life & Success Lessons From The Golf Course 3: Reboot, Refresh, Resume
A few days ago I was out of the driving range and found myself wasting a bucket of ball. Some of them I hit so badly that I could just walk up a couple of steps to retrieve them, but the re-hits were not that much better. I had done much of what I needed to do from stretching, working on my stance and my grip. I must admit that it was getting frustrating, because just the other day I was doing so well after my lesson. With my driver, 7 or hybrid it was all either a complete miss or at best a few feet. The harder I tried the more comical the resulting misses. Eventually, it was decision time and I decided to move on to chipping which is the best part of my game, followed by a few minutes with the putter. I was getting great results.
What was happening was that I needed to break from what I was doing to regroup and start over. That is something we see often when working on certain projects or in some meetings. When you find that your actions are not yielding desired results, it’s time to step back to reassess and return for a fresher start. Many of us have had to sit through an overdrawn project meeting and came out wondering what happened to these last few hours. That was a result of the person leading the meeting not realizing that I was time for everyone to take a break from the issue at hand and come back later—often with fresh insights and new perspectives.
Taking a break does not necessarily mean hours or days, it could be as simple as 10 or 15 minutes just to step away. That brief moment allows you to shut down the current cycle of thoughts or behaviors and switch to a different mode. When you return, it’s like you are rebooting your mind and body to continue the work you had been doing. It’s almost like when your computer freezes up. In some cases you can continue to work with it, but it moves slowly, or sometimes not at all. After you take a moment to restart it, it starts to work again and faster than before. Yes, you lose the few minutes that it took you to go through the reset period, but in the end you make that up by not having to wait two minutes for every command to be executed as before.
By taking breaks, you give yourself the benefit of a fresh start, which also allows you to make the adjustments necessary to get you on the right track. If my swing is off I can most definitely stay there and try to fix it, but when my body is used to being in that off position it’s more difficult to change that than it would be if I was starting in neutral. We are pattern driven and once we settle into the rhythm it’s hard to transition out of it. A halt however gives you the opportunity for a new start and some rest in between to rejuvenate and give more energy.
So next time you find yourself stuck in a pattern that is not giving you the results you want, remember that it is ok to stop for a moment, because the break that you take to regroup and reorganize will more than likely be shorter than the time that you would lose trying to push on.
When you take a break you can do some of these things to make the break more productive:
- Just relax for a moment- Sometimes the body and mind need that.
- Find a distraction- Something that will force you to get your mind off the task at hand— My weaknesses are Tetris and Minesweeper. Whatever you choose, make sure you have what it takes to stop in five or ten minutes
- Meditate or do breathing exercises- This allows the recirculation of your energy which is great for fresh start. When you need to rebuild momentum getting oxygen into your body is one of the things you can do.
- Cat naps- Depending on the setting and time available this could be a great tool. Closing your eyes for a few minutes gives a great opportunity for introspective reflection- and if you dose off you feel refreshed when you awaken.
- Change course- If what you are trying to do is not working out, you can move on to something else that you need to do and return to the original task later. Just changing the schedule around a bit will not hurt much- just make sure that it is a change of pace that you need and not rest.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
The 4-Sentence Email To Replace Meetings
While some companies opt to have a meeting for every announcement, there are ways to communicate the message effectively and not completely disrupt the productivity of an entire staff to give them information they are likely not even paying attention to. An email is one way of making this happen that could eliminate constant meetings.
Quite often organizations call meetings to announce news and changes. The truth is, the people who listen for 20 minutes of the hour-long meeting will take the time to read a quick email. Those who don’t bother reading the email more than likely don’t care enough to listen at the meeting either. New processes and procedures announced in meetings often require and get individually addressed in one on ones or supervision, so that would not change in email announcements.
When announcing changes there are 4 things that matter to the people who will have to implement these changes
- What
- How
- Why
- Where
People want to know what is being asked of them. They want to know how to do what is being asked. Most importantly, they want to know why they are being asked to do something. Once they have this information they need to know where to turn if they need assistance with implementation. All of that can fit nicely in a 4-sentence short email.
Good Morning Team LTD…
At the last directors workshops we discovered a new clients intake system that has been very effective for one of our departments and are looking to have it implemented companywide.
All new intakes will be prescreened by the department coordinator and you will receive a copy of the screening form for al new clients you are assigned.
This new method will help reduce the number of intakes completed on clients who doe not qualify for our services, which will save you and the company some time and money.
A copy of the new screening for is attached, but do please speak with your direct supervisor or the client coordinator in your department if you have any concerns or questions.
Have a great day!
Judi
An email like this takes a few minutes to write and even less time to read and your staff can spend their time producing the value your clients seek, which of-course brings your company more money.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
How to boost a man’s self esteem
Men’s sense of self is more often tied to abilities. They tend to be more into what they can do. Whereas a woman can get a quick boost from a personal compliment, for a man, a compliment about a skill or talent is likely to lead to that same boost quicker. Please don’t mistake this to mean that men are not in tune with their inner selves, because many of them are. Many men have gone through the process of exploring the depth of their souls and come to appreciate who they are greatly. For those men, being able to see, appreciate and acknowledge that inner peace and confidence in him can go a long way. Of-course that would in most cases require knowing this person on deeper level and taking time to see those innermost qualities.
There are a few on the surface things that can help. Making a man feel needed is one that is often a sure fire way to get there. Unfortunately, today’s independent women have been chipping away at this little tool. You pay your own bills, can change your own tires or call AAA, and you will hire someone to mow the lawn on the house that you bought. Every now and again, though it would not be so bad to let him help with some of the “manly stuff”, like the car or something with the house. You know you could take care of it, but it’s nice to have him do it for you and he relieves you of the pressure or responsibility of having to handle it. One less thing to worry about.
This brings me to my next point. When a man does something for you, whether it is because you could not do it or because you allowed him to help, be appreciative. People want to help, but no one wants to feel unappreciated. No matter how little or how big the deed, it’s important that he knows that his efforts are appreciated. Otherwise he has no incentive to want to help again, and you will both be denying him the opportunity to step up and do more of these things that should make him feel great.
Rewards are great at any age. The last thing I asked of a man, was to come tighten the lug nuts after I changed a tire. Do you think after he came to do this in the middle of his workday that I planned something special for him? You better believe it! He needs to know that he is appreciated. Sincerely telling him is one way, but it’s also nice to do things for him as well. And this does not mean going all out. It could be as simple as a special dinner that is planned with his preferences in mind. This is simple enough that it could be done for a friend or your man.
Treating a man special is something that is too often overlooked but is such a great tool. Many men will say that this is not their “thing”, but a spa day is such a great gift. The massage, the facial, the mani/pedi can all be tailored for the manly man (in my immaturity – I still laugh at the clear polish on the nails though). In today’s tougher economic time, it may not be as easy to afford the day at the spa, but providing all the services for him at home may work just as well.
Game day preparations are also a big hit for the sports aficionado. Whether you get everything ready and leave after you get his boys to come over, or it’s a party for two (if you’re WATCHING the game too); when you plan it with him in mind he will feel it.
Taking him to the game is one that can work with your man or any other male in your life. A day about him, where he is picked up (you do the driving no matter how far) and you take care of everything until you drop him home. When you go through the trouble of making a day about someone, that says “I think you are important”, and it validates this person’s place in your life. He will also be thinking “I must really be important for someone to go through all the trouble of planning a day for me”, and that will have a positive impact on his views of self as well. Everyone wants to feel that they matter.
Looks are important too. Just as a woman likes to hear that she’s beautiful when she gets all dolled up, and man will enjoy that too. Men also put forth the effort to smell nice, so when he does smell nice that should also be complimented. Smiles, teeth, eyes and whatever else comes up are also good targets for compliments as well. The catch to making the most impact with a compliment is to lead with it. When a person compliments you first, there is that rule of politeness that you feel the need to return the compliment. No matter how genuine the returned compliment is, sometimes it can feel less than heartfelt or you run the risk of the person thinking that you were just returning their compliment. When you lead with a compliment, there is not as much wiggle room for the interpretation of your intent – It’s a compliment.
During the harder times, things get a little tricky. For instance, in these economic times when there are many men who are unemployed. If yours is one of them it’ll be hard on both of you. To start, you may need a book of affirmations (I’m only partly joking with this one). If your man is at that stage he may need you now more than ever, because when he doubts, he needs you to believe in him. He needs to know that you are behind him no matter what. These are the times for the SILENT sacrifices; when you have to pass on something you want, and not complain about it. This is when you don’t go to the concert and plan a nice romantic evening at home instead. It will be hard to work the extra hours and then come home to look over his new cover letter, but your devotion will motivate him to keep trying.
It is true that actions do speak louder than words, but words can also be very powerful. As a therapist, when working with children who were aggressive and getting into fights, I remember teaching them this statement “hands are for helping, not for hurting”. They would memorize it and eventually we got to where they would say it either out loud or just think it when they were angry and wanted to hit someone. This technique took time but once mastered had a good success rate. Adults don’t get into the physical altercations as much but they can be hurtful with their words. Sometimes it is out of anger or just a purely unintentional slip, but once the words are out they cannot be put back in. The best measure is to place a filter between the thought and the verbalization.
Try this exercise that can be used with anyone in your life. When you get ready to say something take a moment to evaluate the potential impact of the words you are going to say. As you do this you will remind yourself “words are for helping, not for hurting”. If you find that the words you were ready to utter are not going to help the person, take a second to find a more positive response before you speak. Use words to empower him. If a man is down, the intent should always be to build him back up, not bring him further down. When a man is up, you can strive to help him get higher.
Five things you can do:
1. Tell him you believe in him.
2. Show and tell him that he is appreciated.
3. Acknowledge his successes.
4. Wish him well when he’s down, if you pray tell him you pray for him.
5. Remind him how great he is.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
Boost your Self-esteem – Nurture your talents
We’ve all heard the saying “if you don’t use it, you loose it”. In most cases that is not exactly true, but in some ways it may be. We all have great talents within us, but too often the demands of everyday life lead us to put them aside. As children, many of us had these great talents that we “outgrew” when we chose to follow more practical routes. The truth is more practical does not always mean better. Choosing the “practical” does not have to mean giving up on the enjoyable.
These talents provide many necessary parts of our lives that are often overlooked. By continuing to nurture a talent individuals also find an opportunity to experience personal growth and improve self-esteem.
The first is the opportunity for growth. As you nurture your talents the skill level will undoubtedly improve. This is not to say that by continuing to practice the piano everyone can become the next Mozart, rather that over time and with practice, they will play better. In order to do this, you have to find opportunities to continue developing your talents. If as a child you sung well, this may be you great talent that needs to be nurtured. Take the time to practice. Singing along with the radio can be great, but in most cases you would then be trying to sing with/like the artist you are singing along with and not developing your own voice and sound.
When lessons are possible and finances allow, take a lesson or two, to get the basics and add some structure. This will provide motivation to keep going. The better you get, the better you will feel. The better you feel, the more motivated you will be to work harder and get better. If you were a visual artist, the same principles will apply. Catch 22? Just little.
The point is, whatever that talent used to be that inspired you as a child, it could still have the same impact if you allow it. As you develop your talents, there is a level of growth that you will experience as you learn more about your craft and about yourself. This will boost confidence in your skills as well as capabilities. Practice doesn’t make perfect, but it makes better and provides more opportunities to learn and get even better at what you do. In that process you will also grow as you discover more about your abilities, great skills and learning styles and even what makes you tick or pleases you. What better way to uncover your learning styles could there be? Or even better, can you imagine all the other things you will achieve when you know the best way for you to learn? This can be helpful on a personal and professional level.
Continuing to grow in your craft will also lead to a continuation of personal growth. Without fail, personal growth is bound to lead to an increase in confidence and higher self-esteem. Wonder how it work?
Well, as you experience personal growth, you start to learn more about yourself and start to appreciate more of your greatness. You can discover some unique attributes that were previously hidden or ignored. The more good things you know about someone, the more you tend to like them… that goes for yourself too. Even if you were to discover some not so great things about you, as you are growing personally, you will be inclined to work on these potential blemishes, and even that will make you feel good.
Now let’s say by some fluke none of the above happened for you (though very unlikely). What then? Well then you would have had a ball trying. So either way you still win. So how about it? What hidden talent will you nurture?
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
And now, the shameless plug to stay on http://www.blogsurfer.us … Gotta get that traffic.
The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People – Developing Habits
They say youth is wasted on the young. Some times I wonder about that statement. I purchased this book during my first semester of college, as a requirement for my First Year Seminar. I bought it like all my books at that time, because my scholarship provided funding for books. Luckily I’m a packrat with a lot of space so I was able to keep it all these years. I have gone through this book several times in recent years and continue to have some aha moments each time I pick it up. Today was the realization that I recognize something new each time I open it. As a college freshman I did not take full advantage of the opportunity that was before me, when I read it again later I was able to see the potential of these lessons.
The first and most important thing about these seven habits for me was that they were all for the most part internal. It’s all things that the individual could take charge of and achieving once they decided they wanted it. And of-course committed to it. Success behaviors, once they become a habit, are able to translate into the desired success. Stephen Covey defines habits as “the intersection of knowledge, skill and desire”. He continues to say “Creating a habit requires work in all three dimensions” (p. 47). This could not be more true, and this to is internally motivated.
Can I do this is different from I can do this. One of the primary differences is that one question and one asserts. This also means that with one statement opportunity is left for doubt to come in and potentially limit possibilities.
Desire is one of our greatest resources, and with enough desire the possibilities are endless. With a strong enough desire, knowledge and skill are attainable; although I am not sure how true the reverse will be. Many people can remember a time when there was something they really wanted and their parents were starting to implement the “if you want it you have to earn it”. Yes what a nightmare that was. But the more important memory should be of how far and how much you were willing to work to get it.
Developing a habit is a simple process, though not without difficulties. If there is the desire the other two components suddenly become more attainable. Desire is the drive that will push you to get things done. That is what will make you stay up to finish that last project or read the last page. This is the reason that when people seek success or financial freedom, it is best that they seek to use what they are passionate about to fuel this desire. What the passion will do is keep you interested.
Take for example the many Multilevel Marketing opportunities or Real Estate Books or CD packages that are available and tout financial freedom in no time. These programs are offered to everyone and encourage everyone to take advantage of these opportunities… Ever wondered why they work for some but not all as is promised… One of the reasons is the lack of passion. Unless they are truly passionate about that what they are doing. They are therefore not as motivated to go above and beyond and do what it takes. I started writing this but got caught up in other stuff, but the other day a friend gave me copy of an overview on CD. So this is my queue to finish the blog series I planned. So look forward to that in the coming days…
I’ll go though each habit. A reminder for those who read it and a taste for those who haven’t. I believe that these habits a have the potential to help people move mountains if they have a desire to get to the other side. As Keith Harell would say, let’s go from part-time Positive to full-time Positive.
Pardon the shameless plug… I’m tying to stay on http://www.blogsurfer.us … Gotta get that traffic.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
Self esteem boost – Easy as 1-2-3
Even the best of us can wake up having a bad day. Confidence can be shaken even if for a brief moment. When that happens, how the day and the circumstance are handled is key. That is why it is imperative that individuals have tools to help them generate a little self-esteem boost to help through these days. Walking with your head held high is not just a saying. It really does help you boost confidence –IF– you’re willing to let it. When your head is up you are able to connect with others and allow them to bring you positive energy.
Try this exercise one day… When you wake up and just feel like you’re not feeling your best. Walk into your closet and find something you know is just cute and sexy – not skanky – sexy. That will vary depending what you have to do that day. If you’re going to work or a business meeting a suit with the right umph; out and about maybe a nice casual ensemble; out in the night life – Do you! Once you get that, then go to the mirror and take a moment to admire your master piece. When you feel that you have a developed enough appreciation for the hotty before you, step out into the world with that picture in your mind.
The Spark
Sometimes you may not be completely satisfied with how you look. Of-course I will say DO something about it. But for the moment until you have completed that goal, there is ALWAYS something that you can appreciate. Your smile; your eyes; your nose; teeth – That’s your spark! I personally believe that God made us all and we are beautiful because God took the time, but I know that not everyone sees it that way and not everyone even believe in God. If you are one who does, I would recommend that when you are having trouble finding that one spark of hotness look hard, because God couldn’t get you all that wrong.
Once you have found that spark step into the world, and believe that each individual you encounter will be directed to your spark. I you appreciate that spart in you, they more than likely will too. So when you move, look to draw people’s attention to your spark. The way you do that is by capturing attention. If when you walk you’re looking down, any attention toward you will be guided in that direction. If you want the attention elsewhere you first have to get it, and you get it with eye contact in a smile.
How it works
Eye contact draws a person to you. Once you get them in that split second, if you don’t project discomfort, they a get a chance to extend the look from your eyes to the rest of you; and that’s when they get to notice what ever part of you that you showcased.
Pick your Spark
Although you may have some great assets to work with, it’s always important to carefully pick what you showcase. I’ve heard many women complain about guys who go for their cleavage and have to be reminded that their face was a little bit higher. That’s a topic for a different time. What you want to do is showcase an area that people will be comfortable complementing you on. If you showcase your smile, men and women may compliment you (if you’re female that is… Sorry guys, only women will dare). If you showcase your cleavage, many may look, but most will not be comfortable saying “hey nice cleavage”. For many women, that comment/“compliment” would not be accepted as such.
Think of the last time someone complimented you. Regardless of the your relationship with the person or lack there of, it made an impact. Whether big or small, compliments make us feel good. When a man walks into a room, and someone says “hey- did you just get a hair cut? Looks good!” That man gets a little ego boost. If he gets enough of these throughout the day, by the time he gets home that night, he may be a different man than he was when he left that morning.
If you come out in need of a compliment you need to create opportunities for compliments to come. That means give people the opportunity. There certain things that are no-nos ie: butt, cleavage, legs that people will be less comfortable to compliment. If that’s your asset and you feel good showcasing that, then you can and let that make you feel good. It just requires more effort on your part because you don’t get as much of the positive feedback, and some of the feedback you do get may not be desirable. Still you you have to know that there is more to you than just those attributes. Just the same, these are some attributes more likely to draw a compliment, ie: smile, eyes, hair (sometimes a nicely trimmed facial hair in men). These are easy and innocent compliments that people will not be too uncomfortable to share.
Finally, paying a compliment is another way to draw compliments. You say something nice about someone and they say something nice about you. That method is not a particular favorite, because if feels less genuine. Some people even have difficulty returning a compliment, because it can feel forced. It may not always be a best bet, but it works. One way that it works is that by extending a compliment to someone, you engage them and give them an opportunity to return one. My favorite way however, is that looking for good in others can help you see good in you. When you focus your energy on finding positive things to compliment others on, you are harnessing positive energy that will radiate through you. You may not even notice it happening. but that feeling starts to happen and you start to feel that positive energy and start feeling better for no apparent reason. Later on when you sit back, then you may realize how making someone else feel better helped you feel better.
When you’re having a rough day, you may not be in the mood to give positive energy, but if you can find a way to attract it to you, you can then reflect it. Then you will be able to attract more positive energy and before you know it change your moods, feelings and perceptions. Isn’t it nice to remember how powerful you are?
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.drjudic.com
Shout outs to the Real Men!!!
Yesterday we celebrated Father’s day. As the day approached I heard quite a few people talking about it. How they celebrate, who they celebrate and things like that. I also heard a few people talking about how some deadbeats have a tendency to surface around that time… trying to get some acknowledgement… AS IF!!! (Yes I know how ditzy that sounds, but that’s what came to mind).
Now that it’s Monday, in most cases the celebration of dad is over. The focus will now shift back to those who are not around. This does not just stay with the fathers. We do that all around. We focus the ones not doing the right things and not the ones standing tall and holding it down. When is CNN going to do a special on the dad who goes to work and comes home to his children and their mother every day? The brothers who stay in school and get those degrees? All the fellas who do the dang thing. I guess they’re too busy celebrating the guys dropping the ball.
It is believed that people would not watch it if they did a special on people doing the right thing. Wow… Do we really enjoy feeding on negativity that much? Personally, I’m a bit annoyed that they think we have nothing better to do than watch other’s pain. Then again, the rating folks probably can’t even tell when I turn off my TV. But my issue though is how do we give props to the men who do their manly things?
I know some great guys, sons, brothers, dads, husbands, friends, boyfriends. Just amazing men! I know that I’m not the only one who knows these guys. We all know a few, but for whatever reason they don’t get enough credit. Instead of making a big deal out of the guy who was up all night with his sick child, we focus on the one who was not there. Instead of the guy who rubs our tummy when it hurts, we hear of the one who doesn’t call.
As a child psychotherapist, I and many others I know in the field work with parents and teachers to get them to encourage positive behaviors. Make a big deal when a child does something great and not so much at their bad behaviors. This encourages the ones who are already doing well and motivates those who aren’t doing well to make changes because they want the attention. As much as society jokes about these ball dropping guys being like children who knows?
I’m not saying it’s gonna suddenly make every guy want to change or anything like that, but I want us to make a big deal of the good guys. Facebook, I challenge you to make a big deal of the good guys.
Some of my tops… My brothers – Didier, Ben, Bill, Yve… My cousins – Can’t name them all – Grandpa was a busy guy. DAS, Uncles, friends and other relatives… I am surrounded by great guys… You are too…
To all of you guys I dedicate Heather Headley’s He Is …
I’m shouting a few of them… add yours in the comments. Shout ‘em out on Faccebook with your comments!!!
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.drjudic.com
