Five (5) Components Of The Action Steps Toward Your Goal (BTI 11)
Your Action Steps are the small things that you do to turn your goal into your reality. Every step gets you closer to where you want to be, and planned steps in a designated direction gets you there faster. The BTI series includes short, actionable clips presented by Therapist & Life Coach, Dr. Judi
Never Make Sacrifices For Your Goal
When you hear someone say you should not make sacrifices for your goal you probably wonder if that person really knows what it takes to reach a goal. We have been conditioned that sacrifices have to be made in order to be able to reach goals and get the things that we want. It is true, sacrifices are a part of life and sometimes we do have to make them, but when it comes to your goals, don’t make sacrifices.
The word sacrifice has long been associated with the giving up of something that is desired. When you make a sacrifice, you give up something that you want and don’t want to give up. When people think of giving up the things they want there is a bit of resistance that comes with that. People don’t want to give up the things they treasure, things they’ve worked hard for or that have been with them through the years. We like our stuff. We like our norm and comforts. When asked to “give up” these, the resistance that ensues makes sense. It takes a bit more thinking about and negotiating. Most people would want try to find an alternative that allows them get what they want without giving up anything- and valuable resources are invested in that pursuit.
The truth of it is that you are making way for something that you want even more. Remember the last time you were excited about a new gadget or something like that? We see it all the time. People line up for hours or even days to get their hands on newer and better. Many times, it is not so much because the older model was bad, just that the newer model was more desirable to them. That is the same thought that should be applied when working toward your goal. Your goal is like that new shinny gadget you’re looking to upgrade to. Your present is last year’s model. It may still work, but because you want more, you upgrade.
When you make a sacrifice, that sense of loss can stand in the way of moving forward. Whether it is in time spent morning what was given up or too often the self sabotage that can result from the guilt over that decision, sacrificing is just not the best feeling in the world. Upgrades on the other hand are exciting. People look forward to them. There is no feeling of loss associated with upgrades because the focus is on what has been gained. You are trading in parts of your past for the future you desire. There may be fond memories associated with that pass and you will take them with you. You will continue to treasure them and smile big when they cross your mind. That’s the great thing about memories you don’t have to keep the past to be able to enjoy the great moments they brought.
It’s time to give up this notion of giving up. Of sacrificing. You’re not giving up something you cherish. You are gaining something you desire. You are upgrading. You are going after something that you find more desirable. Something that you want. Even more than what you will be trading in to get that one thing. Call it what it is- It’s an upgrade: An exchange of something you have for something you desire. In the pursuit of your goal that is the only acceptable move- You upgrade. Don’t make sacrifices. You should not have to give up the things that you want. Gladly trade them in foe the things you want. As nice as it may have been to trade-in you old car or gadget to upgrade to something nicer, making a trade toward upgrading your future is even better. Make the change. Give up sacrificing and take on upgrading.
I’m just saying though
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
They Know They Want You! –3 Steps To Being The No-Brainer
Whether it’s a job interview or meeting with a potential client, it should go without saying that you need to know your stuff. That is expected, and failure to deliver on that is both a waste of your time and an insult to the person you are meeting with. So when you know that everyone else is going to come in prepared, the key to being the one lies in your ability to stand out from the group.
Think outside the box. You know that, but it just so happens that so do your competitors. While everyone else may be trying to think outside the box, not everyone has the same strengths and expertise. Play to your greater strengths. Focus on what you can do, that hasn’t been done before that will not only meet the needs of the client or organization, but surpass expectations. This way you are offering something that is beyond great and can best be delivered by you. It’s not just – This is how you can make money- It’s more of a –These as the benefits that come in the package with me. In order to get these great benefits they want, they have to first bring you on board. This is something that should be done for every interview or presentation to meet the different needs. What you offer each client should be uniquely tailored to their individual needs. That’s why you can’t take the same presentation of every client or send the same exact resume to every job opening.
Expand your comfort zone. Everyone talks about stepping out of your comfort zone. That is a great exercise, but it’s not enough. Going out of your comfort zone is something that is easy to do when you are relaxed and comfortable, but not as much when you are on the spot and the pressure is on. These situations breed nervousness in the most confident people, and nervousness pushes people to retreat to what they find comfortable. If you are soft spoken, practicing to speak up before an interview is not enough. Instead, you need to learn to express yourself in a way that gets your message across through your soft voice. You may practice speaking up with your friends, but when comfort gets replaced by nerves so will your louder commanding voice be replaced by that squeaky mouse you thought you put out. What you already know however, you will know no matter how much pressure you’re under. As a long term goal however you will want to work on being more expressive because that is a demand of your field. You can do the exercises and practice with others as the new way becomes entrenched in how you operate. The goal is to become so naturally expressive that you don’t need to think about it before a big meeting, but until you reach that point you still know how to make your point from where you stand. Over time, you will develop 2 new tools- You will learn how to convey your message within your original comfort zone, but you’ll also become more expressive and have a more effective way of doing the same job that may eventually become most comfortable.
Conduct the energy. When the cards appear to be held by the other person(s), one of the best ways to level the field is to control the energy. Get them feeling the way you want tem to. When you want people to be excited about you and what you are talking about, you have to set the example and tone. A smile is the quickest way to start changing energy. When you do something with a smile, including speak or make a presentation, is changes the intonation in your voice. When your voice has that has a tone of joy, the listener hears it and responds to it even if subconsciously. They reflect that tone which will in turn increase your energy. It becomes like a game of energy catch, except that the ball of energy gets bigger each time it is caught. It works the same way with negative energy too, so be careful what energies you are putting out there. When you get your audience to feel the way you want them to feel, then you are in a better position to entice them to make the decisions that you want. While a stern super serious look from your audience can shock your nerves and cause you to stumble, a smile from you can encourage the more relaxed recipient to appear instead. In order to do that, your smile will have to outlast any frown in the room. Thankfully, smiles are more catchy 🙂
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
Others’ blindness shouldn’t affect your vision
When you do things that are different from others it is not uncommon to hear criticism. That’s perfectly fine. Just because others cannot see your vision does not mean you need to allow them to cloud you’re your site of it. I certainly have a few should be insults that I proudly don as a badge of honor. I’m “cheap” because my purchases must both make sense to me and fit in my budget. I’m “boring” when I choose to stay in to get my work done when I need to. Other people will throw words around all the times, sometimes maliciously, and other times just because they don’t know better. What really matters is not the words that are said or the speaker’s intent- It’s your acceptance.
You can always rely a confused look when you thank someone for something that was not intended to be a compliment. When someone calls you a nerd, that is confirmation that you are knowledgeable and knowledge seeking. That is an indication that you placed learning above what the person wanted you to value. When your “friend” tells you how cheap you are, it’s validation of your efforts to place your financial future over the frivolous spending they wanted company in. For these reasons you should thank the people who are pointing out that you are succeeding in your endeavors. Reminding you that you are staying on your track.
As long as you continue on your journey toward improvement or maintaining a level of success you have attained, there will be others who don’t understand the journey or its purpose. They will not place the same value on your efforts, because in addition to not joining in their in indulgences, you may be making them think about what they are doing. If they can get you to join in, they get confirmation that they are right and don’t have to think about it.
One of my favorite parts in the movie Pursuit of Happyness was when Mr. Garner spoke with his son at the basketball court. “You got a dream, you gotta protect it… You want something, you go get it. Period.” Those words are important to remember when undertaking a journey that is different from what everyone else is doing. There will always be someone who does not get it. But instead of telling you that hey don’t get it, they will try to make you feel like you lost your marbles for thinking so big. I mean can you imagine what people said when those crazy Wright brothers talked about putting a mechanical bird in the air? —Ya’ll boys better go satdown somewhere. Today everyone is talking about diversification, and multiple streams of income, but when George Washington Carver was first trying to educate people on that while the industry was trying to figure out how to get cotton back, someone certainly told him where to go with his peanuts and that alternative crops mambo jumbo. The inventions of these men our integral parts of our society now.
Other people not getting the vision is not a sign that you are wrong. It’s confirmation that you are on to something new. Something BIG! As they attempt to qualify you for your own dream (you don’t have …, you don’t know… you didn’t even…), they are also reminding you of what you’ve had to overcome to conceive this great dream of yours. “Really? How you gon’ be a business owner and didn’t even graduate high school?” That simply means that you can see far beyond the limitations they impose as what someone who did not graduate high school can do. Knowing that you are such the visionary shall be your motivation to put together actionable plans to realize your vision. Can you imagine if President Obama told the cashier taking his mother’s food stamp that he was going to be President Of The United States? In the words of Mays Gilliam: “which United States?” When others can’t see your vision, don’t allow their blindness to cloud your own vision. Instead, see it for them too. Visualize it. Actualize it. See yourself right! Make your vision so clear that if you read your action plan in reverse it looks like the steps for deconstructing your final product. Whether your goal is financial, professional, educational or anything else you could want, always keep an eye on the prize and the other on the action plan you are following.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
Three (3) Steps for Fighting Autumn Gloom
At this point summer seems more like a distant memory as we fall into autumn. I love New England Autumns. Leaves changing color then falling and a gazillion and a half activities to get into. In South Florida it’s a lot different. Rain, rain, rain and then more rain. That’s what we’ve had these recent weeks. When the sun doesn’t seem to shine as long and the days a dark and dreary, it can get difficult to get up and be motivated to stay on target. Here are a few tools that can help.
Start your day powerfully. Make everything that you do in the morning have a purpose that contributes to what you want to achieve. Whether you are following steps on a routine job, are in a position that requires you to be self-directed, or worse –> you are self employed, your every step in the morning need to matter. From the music that you wake up to, to the breakfast that you eat. This is a great time to get some of the fresh fruits and veggies that are still out and freeze them so that deep into the winter you can still have these bright colorful meals. And the music needs to be upbeat- the more of the words you know the better. Sing along no matter how bad you think your voice is. Set your music to start your chosen playlist at your rising time, and set the volume loud enough to invigorate and so you can hear in your room, bathroom, and kitchen(without disrupting neighbors). This may mean that you have to take it with you as you change rooms. I love my carnival, and some good African music when I need wake, but there are also some great gospel praise songs that do the job. As long as you’re dancing a little by the time you’re done getting ready.
Dress the part. When the days seem gloomy, the tendency is to throw something on and go. If you look at fall colors, they are the darker colors. They may be wholesome and go with the season, but they don’t inspire. So your first step is to add a splash of color. Whether it’s shoes, shirt, tie, belt, something you wear needs to have nice bright colors. Dress in power attire. We all know about the power suits that are worn to interviews or when going in to land a big time client. That power suit makes you feel and act different. Stronger, more powerful, more confident, ready to scale any mountain. Not everyday is a suit day, so instead of wearing a power suit everyday for a month, you can wear articles of clothing that together give the same results. The important thing is that you dress like you have an important job that you need to complete. Even if you are working from home, get dressed and walk to your desk like you were going to the office and there’s a chance organizational leaders will be in the building. When you look like you have an important job to do, your mind will work it out with your body and they’ll work together to keep you in work mode.
Keep a tight schedule- No idle hands. Nothing makes you more tire than doing nothing. Whether your day is overwhelmingly packed or you are just not in the mood for work, when you are not actively engaged in work, you have time to think and realize how much you don’t feel like working. The solution is to have a plan. If you have an outline of tasks and the schedule for completing them you can move in a more regimented fashion. When you are busy and more importantly productive, you don’t have time to worry about gloomy days as you are more focused on getting things done. Schedule breaks so that you can relax and refuel, and do something with your break time. Whether you go out and chit chat or go for get some gloomy fresh air, step out of work mode, with a scheduled time to return. Set your alarm to remind you when break is over. Avoid idle times. Eliminate the gaps where you have nothing to do or are trying to figure out where to go next, because those are the moments that can suck you back into non-productive mode. If you find a gap that was not scheduled, use it productively, respond to emails, voice messages or even begin your to create your agenda for the next day.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
Hateration Fuels Your Fire But You Decide Which Fire
There are many things in the world that can be used for tremendous good or evil equally. Take Chemistry for instance- with the right mix lives can be saved, while through another just as many can be destroyed. Geometry and physics can be applied to build or demolish spectacular structures. Hateration is another force that is dually powerful. It can fuel your way to success or fuel the fires of negativity incinerate your dreams.
Hateration takes the form and strength that the individual allows it to. If you decide to give in and let it win, it will take over. It can consume you and lead you to spend so much time worrying about the negatives and not enough working toward positives. It can lead you to be so blinded by obstacles that you can’t see the solutions that stare in your face. But most of all if it is allowed to, Hateration can cause you to please your haters and prove them right, by doing what they wanted you to do and failing where they predicted you would.
Hateration is like fuel that is being added to the fire. If the fire burning within you is that of doubt and discouragement, then that it will magnify them. But if you are burning with a passion for success, a strong commitment to achieve your goals, adding fuel to that fire can propel you to the next level. The criticisms of others will make you work that much harder. For every person who said you cannot do what you set out to, you will work a few more hours to make sure that you do. Each time you hear that it’s impossible you will do more research to discover how it is possible. When you use the discouragement of others as a reminder of your pioneering potential, you can’t help but push further.
In this case, hateration would be the fuel that moves you further. It’s not that you could not get there without, but since it’s there, instead of wasting your energy working to remove it, you use the energy that it can provide you. It is a great tool for those who know how to harness its energy.
The power of hateration is in what it leads you to do, and every time you use it to move closer to your goals- YOU WIN. There is saying that “behind every successful person there is a group of haters”. We hope that is not true, but is it is something that only the haters change. An individual working towards goals cannot afford the time that it takes to appease this group. That time is much better spent garnering more supporters through good work and dedication to your goals and the things that really matter.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
Go Big or Go Home! Don’t Fear Investing In The Future
Investing is not a game for the weak. Whether you are playing with money or your future, getting the desired results take heart. It requires definiteness of purpose and commitment. This is not a time for “sorta, kinda, not really, maybe, a little bit”. While I can usually get a chuckle with that statement or some version of it; it is simply that- a cute response that commands at smile. When it comes time for getting results these statements or others like them have no place in the conversations. Attaining definite results require definite purpose and plans, neither of which can be fully implemented without an unwavering commitment to both.
Definite purpose and plan backed by the strength of commitment is what fuels the actions that produce results. The future cannot be left to chance. While some may say that they are leaving it in the hands of a higher power, failing to use the resources provided by this higher power is leaving it to chance. If we were to find one great commonality between prayers to God, harmonizing with the universe, the law of attraction, law of abundance or any other source that people rely on, it would be their requirements of the requester. Whether you are relying on God or other spirits of the universe to help in your endeavor they all require that you believe AND take actions toward the results you seek. There may be trials and getting through them is a requirement for getting to that desired.
Approaching goals with definite purpose and plan backed by the strength of commitment also provide the key to overcoming fear. Fear may not cease to exist, but this combination of resources will take over the responsibility of guiding your actions. When you don’t have that in place your actions can easily and will very likely be guided by fear. Fear-guided action is small, and generally lacks strength of purpose and definiteness. As a result, you may be moving, just not in a manner that will get you to where you want to be.
When it comes to your future, every day is Game 7. If you don’t give your all at every opportunity, you can miss your chance and have to sit out until next year. When your actions are guided by fear you can’t go big. You take smaller steps- if you even dare to step. If you are not willing to take the big steps that get you the big results then you just don’t get them.
Going BIG is not about taking frivolous uncalculated risks. It’s about being fully invested. Going BIG involves doing the preparatory work that gets you ready when the opportunity presents. It’s not about taking shots from across the court; rather it is getting all the resources together and getting the practice so that the players on your team have enough experience and understanding of these shots that they will be willing to take them before the buzzer. Taking big risk without preparation and research is simply careless. It’s the addition of those two components that gives validity to the risk.
If you want great rewards go for it! Be willing to out in the work. Do the research. Gather resources. Most importantly keep pushing forward no matter what. If you even come to a point when it seems that you have nothing left to give or that you just might not make it through to the end, remember these lyrics from one of my favorite Rodney Atkins songs.
If your going through hell
Keep on going, don’t slow down
If you’re scared don’t show it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you’re thereYeah, If you’re going through hell
Keep on moving, face that fire
Walk right through it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you’re there
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
How to boost a man’s self esteem
Men’s sense of self is more often tied to abilities. They tend to be more into what they can do. Whereas a woman can get a quick boost from a personal compliment, for a man, a compliment about a skill or talent is likely to lead to that same boost quicker. Please don’t mistake this to mean that men are not in tune with their inner selves, because many of them are. Many men have gone through the process of exploring the depth of their souls and come to appreciate who they are greatly. For those men, being able to see, appreciate and acknowledge that inner peace and confidence in him can go a long way. Of-course that would in most cases require knowing this person on deeper level and taking time to see those innermost qualities.
There are a few on the surface things that can help. Making a man feel needed is one that is often a sure fire way to get there. Unfortunately, today’s independent women have been chipping away at this little tool. You pay your own bills, can change your own tires or call AAA, and you will hire someone to mow the lawn on the house that you bought. Every now and again, though it would not be so bad to let him help with some of the “manly stuff”, like the car or something with the house. You know you could take care of it, but it’s nice to have him do it for you and he relieves you of the pressure or responsibility of having to handle it. One less thing to worry about.
This brings me to my next point. When a man does something for you, whether it is because you could not do it or because you allowed him to help, be appreciative. People want to help, but no one wants to feel unappreciated. No matter how little or how big the deed, it’s important that he knows that his efforts are appreciated. Otherwise he has no incentive to want to help again, and you will both be denying him the opportunity to step up and do more of these things that should make him feel great.
Rewards are great at any age. The last thing I asked of a man, was to come tighten the lug nuts after I changed a tire. Do you think after he came to do this in the middle of his workday that I planned something special for him? You better believe it! He needs to know that he is appreciated. Sincerely telling him is one way, but it’s also nice to do things for him as well. And this does not mean going all out. It could be as simple as a special dinner that is planned with his preferences in mind. This is simple enough that it could be done for a friend or your man.
Treating a man special is something that is too often overlooked but is such a great tool. Many men will say that this is not their “thing”, but a spa day is such a great gift. The massage, the facial, the mani/pedi can all be tailored for the manly man (in my immaturity – I still laugh at the clear polish on the nails though). In today’s tougher economic time, it may not be as easy to afford the day at the spa, but providing all the services for him at home may work just as well.
Game day preparations are also a big hit for the sports aficionado. Whether you get everything ready and leave after you get his boys to come over, or it’s a party for two (if you’re WATCHING the game too); when you plan it with him in mind he will feel it.
Taking him to the game is one that can work with your man or any other male in your life. A day about him, where he is picked up (you do the driving no matter how far) and you take care of everything until you drop him home. When you go through the trouble of making a day about someone, that says “I think you are important”, and it validates this person’s place in your life. He will also be thinking “I must really be important for someone to go through all the trouble of planning a day for me”, and that will have a positive impact on his views of self as well. Everyone wants to feel that they matter.
Looks are important too. Just as a woman likes to hear that she’s beautiful when she gets all dolled up, and man will enjoy that too. Men also put forth the effort to smell nice, so when he does smell nice that should also be complimented. Smiles, teeth, eyes and whatever else comes up are also good targets for compliments as well. The catch to making the most impact with a compliment is to lead with it. When a person compliments you first, there is that rule of politeness that you feel the need to return the compliment. No matter how genuine the returned compliment is, sometimes it can feel less than heartfelt or you run the risk of the person thinking that you were just returning their compliment. When you lead with a compliment, there is not as much wiggle room for the interpretation of your intent – It’s a compliment.
During the harder times, things get a little tricky. For instance, in these economic times when there are many men who are unemployed. If yours is one of them it’ll be hard on both of you. To start, you may need a book of affirmations (I’m only partly joking with this one). If your man is at that stage he may need you now more than ever, because when he doubts, he needs you to believe in him. He needs to know that you are behind him no matter what. These are the times for the SILENT sacrifices; when you have to pass on something you want, and not complain about it. This is when you don’t go to the concert and plan a nice romantic evening at home instead. It will be hard to work the extra hours and then come home to look over his new cover letter, but your devotion will motivate him to keep trying.
It is true that actions do speak louder than words, but words can also be very powerful. As a therapist, when working with children who were aggressive and getting into fights, I remember teaching them this statement “hands are for helping, not for hurting”. They would memorize it and eventually we got to where they would say it either out loud or just think it when they were angry and wanted to hit someone. This technique took time but once mastered had a good success rate. Adults don’t get into the physical altercations as much but they can be hurtful with their words. Sometimes it is out of anger or just a purely unintentional slip, but once the words are out they cannot be put back in. The best measure is to place a filter between the thought and the verbalization.
Try this exercise that can be used with anyone in your life. When you get ready to say something take a moment to evaluate the potential impact of the words you are going to say. As you do this you will remind yourself “words are for helping, not for hurting”. If you find that the words you were ready to utter are not going to help the person, take a second to find a more positive response before you speak. Use words to empower him. If a man is down, the intent should always be to build him back up, not bring him further down. When a man is up, you can strive to help him get higher.
Five things you can do:
1. Tell him you believe in him.
2. Show and tell him that he is appreciated.
3. Acknowledge his successes.
4. Wish him well when he’s down, if you pray tell him you pray for him.
5. Remind him how great he is.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
Boost your Self-esteem – Nurture your talents
We’ve all heard the saying “if you don’t use it, you loose it”. In most cases that is not exactly true, but in some ways it may be. We all have great talents within us, but too often the demands of everyday life lead us to put them aside. As children, many of us had these great talents that we “outgrew” when we chose to follow more practical routes. The truth is more practical does not always mean better. Choosing the “practical” does not have to mean giving up on the enjoyable.
These talents provide many necessary parts of our lives that are often overlooked. By continuing to nurture a talent individuals also find an opportunity to experience personal growth and improve self-esteem.
The first is the opportunity for growth. As you nurture your talents the skill level will undoubtedly improve. This is not to say that by continuing to practice the piano everyone can become the next Mozart, rather that over time and with practice, they will play better. In order to do this, you have to find opportunities to continue developing your talents. If as a child you sung well, this may be you great talent that needs to be nurtured. Take the time to practice. Singing along with the radio can be great, but in most cases you would then be trying to sing with/like the artist you are singing along with and not developing your own voice and sound.
When lessons are possible and finances allow, take a lesson or two, to get the basics and add some structure. This will provide motivation to keep going. The better you get, the better you will feel. The better you feel, the more motivated you will be to work harder and get better. If you were a visual artist, the same principles will apply. Catch 22? Just little.
The point is, whatever that talent used to be that inspired you as a child, it could still have the same impact if you allow it. As you develop your talents, there is a level of growth that you will experience as you learn more about your craft and about yourself. This will boost confidence in your skills as well as capabilities. Practice doesn’t make perfect, but it makes better and provides more opportunities to learn and get even better at what you do. In that process you will also grow as you discover more about your abilities, great skills and learning styles and even what makes you tick or pleases you. What better way to uncover your learning styles could there be? Or even better, can you imagine all the other things you will achieve when you know the best way for you to learn? This can be helpful on a personal and professional level.
Continuing to grow in your craft will also lead to a continuation of personal growth. Without fail, personal growth is bound to lead to an increase in confidence and higher self-esteem. Wonder how it work?
Well, as you experience personal growth, you start to learn more about yourself and start to appreciate more of your greatness. You can discover some unique attributes that were previously hidden or ignored. The more good things you know about someone, the more you tend to like them… that goes for yourself too. Even if you were to discover some not so great things about you, as you are growing personally, you will be inclined to work on these potential blemishes, and even that will make you feel good.
Now let’s say by some fluke none of the above happened for you (though very unlikely). What then? Well then you would have had a ball trying. So either way you still win. So how about it? What hidden talent will you nurture?
