Five (5) Tips For Working From Home Transition During A Pandemic (Coronavirus, COVID-19)
The COVID-19 pandemic has many people working from home as communities work to stop the spread of the Coronavirus. While working from home is desired by many, there are some nuances that can make the process more difficult. There are some simple steps that you can take, such as setting a designated work schedule, that can help the transition to working at home.
Five (5) Steps For Preparing For The Winter Blues (Seasonal Affective Disorder, SAD)
As fall approaches and the leaves are changing many of us are enjoying the change in season, the beauty of autumn leaves and looking forward to sweater season. Unfortunately, for many others it’s reminder that their dreary season is approaching. If you suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (Winter Blues), being ready for the season is an important step to helping you conquer the season and the disorder. Preparation helps you hold off the symptoms as long as you can, and if they breakthrough, preparation ensures you have the resources the address them.
These five steps can help you be better prepared:
- Declutter and refresh your home
- Get your winter wardrobe together
- Find/begin an exercise program- the more fun the better
- Make a social commitment calendar
- Get a your support network together
What About Employer Loyalty?
There was a time when employee loyalty was expected. People went to school and then went off to work for an employer where they would stay through the duration of their working lives. Promotion within the organization was the only movement most people looked for. Now people are seeing more of a difference. It’s not that these organizational values didn’t exist in the days where you worked 50 years for a company and then got sent off with a gold watch. There is one thing that is missing from most employers’ benefits packages now- the pension plan that encouraged that employee loyalty. In addition to that, employees can be loyal to their employers, to find in many cases, that their loyalty is not reciprocated. So what’s the hold now?
Many people, especially those in the helping professions stay for loyalty to the clients, fear of going out and starting in a new environment, the comfort of complacency and numerous other reasons that do not provide opportunities for them.
Because so many organizations are more openly bottom line focus, one can’t hinge their future on an organization being there for them. Let’s face it, when it become more beneficial to the organization, every employee, no matter how valuable they seem at the moment is expandable. Loyalty to the organization is not necessarily going to advance your career any more than finding the right opportunity elsewhere. Passing up on other opportunities however will surely hold you back with no guarantee that another will be available when you are ready to take that leap.
Staying for the sake of clients as, noble as it may sound is also not a good enough reason either. Some professional relationships will have planned termination while others will mature to that point. Clients are supposed to grow and evolved, meaning that at some point the clients may no longer need your services and move on. In most cases, you will have new clients as other clients exit, so the idea that you don’t want to leave clients who are used to you will always be there. Unless you phase out your clientele until the last one exits- despite the financial changes that brings. So what do you do then?
You have to realize that no matter what your profession is there were multiple reasons that you entered the field. Working with your clients or projects was only a part of the reason you chose your career. There is the aspect of personal fulfillment, as well as the need for a career that will serve to meet other needs, such as financial. When you tie yourself to an organization for whatever reason other than your meeting needs, then you are denying yourself the opportunity to have your needs even more greatly met elsewhere.
As a therapist I encountered this issue in me as well as peers- When you get to that point where you are ready to move on the next step of your career or just away from your current position but you have clients who are making such great progress. You have to have to be able to make decisions based on a systems perspective. That was the reason on instituted Employer Performance Assessment that is completed at three, six and twelve months into a position and annually afterwards. Just like the employee assessments that are administered for the employer to determine if an employee should be retained, as the employee we are entitled to this same opportunity. Just as after employee evaluations sometimes there are performance improvements that the employee has to make to better meet organizational standards or expectations, I had the same requirement for my Employer Performance Assessment.
How did this work? Around the time of each assessment period, say around 90 at the beginning, I sat down and completed the assessment just like a supervisor does for employees. I was doing this based on my knowledge and experience with the organization in the time since the last assessment. Once the assessment was completed, I looked at any items that did not receive full marks to determine if there was a way to get to full marks within an acceptable period. Sometimes it was just things that I needed to or rework, and at times I needed to reach out to supervisors for assistance in making the desired changes.
In as much as you have obligations to yours employer, you should also have expectations them as well. Just as they would not keep you around when you are not meeting their standards, you also have that same option. Now this does not mean that you decide that the organization is not meeting your needs so you up and quit. What this means is that when you determine that your needs are not being met by your employers then you should be implementing a plan to get these needs met where with your current or a new employer…
We invest too much of ourselves in our work for it to be anything but satisfying. You spend about half, sometimes more of your waking hours at work or doing something related to work. Leisure time and activities have to be scheduled around work. So it you are investing so much of you in something then it should be satisfying in every way that you desire. When that fair exchange is not happening then you owe it to yourself and the clients that you serve to make a change happen. Otherwise your investment in the services you provide can suffer thus affecting your clients.
There many reasons to stay but often the ultimate question is- does the position continue to meet the needs that you wanted met when you accepted your position and when you entered your field. If the answer to either question is no then you should be looking for opportunities that will allow you to answer yes to both.
Does your World Enhancer Know?
Sometimes we have people in our lives who just make it feel like a better place. A more enjoyable place to be. It’s not that you did not have a fulfilling life before, it’s that they enhance the greatness that once was your life. Somewhere along the way, many of us have been told that we should not fully appreciate that.
I recall being on the receiving side of that conversation a friend advised me “you can’t let him know that”. I remember what went through my mind when she said “you never tell a man that stuff”. There was a bit of confusion there—The difference between someone who is your World Enhancer and the one who is your world. When someone is your world, you can feel that there is no life without that person. When the person is your World Enhancer you know there is life away from them. They even help you see how great life is independent of them. But you also know that no matter how great life is without them, it is even better with them. The air seems sweeter, music sounds nicer, the sun is warmer and the ocean is bluer. Why would it be such a bad thing that someone knows that they do this for you?
Many people struggle with this, especially the “independent woman”. The truth is, there is nothing wrong with someone being your World Enhancer. It takes nothing away from you, yet adds so much. You may not need them to meet your basic needs, but you know they play an important role in your life and that should be both welcomed and appreciated. If he makes you feel on top of the world- Tell him. He just may d it more often just because he knows you like it. Your world enhancer will not abuse that knowledge but will instead keep it as a reminder of a standard and appreciate the privilege. If you cannot trust them to do that, then you are not dealing with a World Enhancer. It’s up to you what your next decision will be, but you should know the difference.
You’re not looking for someone to be your world. If you find yourself in a relationship where the other person is your world, then you do have some personal work to do. A situation like that is not only dangerous for you; it’s also putting a great deal of undue pressure on the other person. You cannot make someone else completely responsible for greatness and joy in your life, but there are those that you can trust to maximize what you have cultivated.
Your World Enhancer, though is completely different- That is someone you don’t just need to keep around. That is someone that you need to encourage to continue be just that that—the one who enhances every great moment just by being. We should never miss the opportunity to tell them how much we appreciate their role in our lives. So today, take a moment to appreciate your World Enhancer. Let her/him know how they make your world so much better.
Who’s your World Enhancer? Does he/she know? J
Broaden Your Sphere Of Influence One Small Act For One Individual At A Time
In his book Turning Stones, Mark Parent shares the story of a child who while walking on the beach, would pick up snails she found along the way and throw them back into the ocean. When grandma pointed out that there are so many little critters that have washed up along so many miles of shore and that throwing a few of them back really will not make a difference, the child’s response was “it makes a difference to this one” as she threw in the latest rescue.
That child realized something that many adults have forgotten- Every action makes a difference. We hear the words so often but don’t really put them into action. As the holiday season is in full bloom, stores are packed and traffic backed up it’s important to remember those words. When your place of worship needs volunteers and your schedule won’t allow you the four hours, the one hour you have can make a difference. When your local soup kitchen is making a plea for donations and you can’t afford a large cash donation, giving a few extra cans from your pantry will make a difference. It’s true that donating a box of pasta will not feed the hundreds of people in the community who are hungry, but it will make a great difference for the one family who eats because of that donation.
We sometimes spend so much time trying to save the world that we forget to help the individual next to us who is calling out for help. While things done for the masses may bring a brief moment of acknowledgement and accolades, the small gesture expended to an individual earns a deeper sense of gratitude. Public accolades may fade away, but the gratitude of the individual will not only last, it will multiply. When the individual remembers the kindness of a stranger, friend or loved one, and repays it with kindness toward another. Instead of creating one big moment that may or may not last, you inspire a cycle of influence that continues to multiply.
This same method applies in business.Although every small business owner (myself included) would love to land that one big client who catapults your business into arenas you could not imagine, taking time out to provide the super star treatment to every small deal, every sale, can have similar impact. When you provide your clients with service that are above and beyond what they expected and the competition offers, your clients can share their experience with others, thus creating a snow ball effect. The more great things you do, the more you are talked about. You may not get the one client who alone can sustain your business, but the many satisfied customers can together have the same impact as they bring others along with them.
When you are looking to widen you sphere of influence, place less emphasis on how many you can impact in one act and focus more on how deeply you can impact individuals. Individuals are the ones who will spread your message. They are the ones who will remember and act from their hearts. Individuals will carry out your message both through words and action, and they have the ability to influence others to join them. In this fad chasing world, we must always remember to focus on people, because when the hoopla dies down the people who have been personally affected will still remember. Be memorable to one, inspire one, and your reach will go beyond your imagination.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
They Know They Want You! –3 Steps To Being The No-Brainer
Whether it’s a job interview or meeting with a potential client, it should go without saying that you need to know your stuff. That is expected, and failure to deliver on that is both a waste of your time and an insult to the person you are meeting with. So when you know that everyone else is going to come in prepared, the key to being the one lies in your ability to stand out from the group.
Think outside the box. You know that, but it just so happens that so do your competitors. While everyone else may be trying to think outside the box, not everyone has the same strengths and expertise. Play to your greater strengths. Focus on what you can do, that hasn’t been done before that will not only meet the needs of the client or organization, but surpass expectations. This way you are offering something that is beyond great and can best be delivered by you. It’s not just – This is how you can make money- It’s more of a –These as the benefits that come in the package with me. In order to get these great benefits they want, they have to first bring you on board. This is something that should be done for every interview or presentation to meet the different needs. What you offer each client should be uniquely tailored to their individual needs. That’s why you can’t take the same presentation of every client or send the same exact resume to every job opening.
Expand your comfort zone. Everyone talks about stepping out of your comfort zone. That is a great exercise, but it’s not enough. Going out of your comfort zone is something that is easy to do when you are relaxed and comfortable, but not as much when you are on the spot and the pressure is on. These situations breed nervousness in the most confident people, and nervousness pushes people to retreat to what they find comfortable. If you are soft spoken, practicing to speak up before an interview is not enough. Instead, you need to learn to express yourself in a way that gets your message across through your soft voice. You may practice speaking up with your friends, but when comfort gets replaced by nerves so will your louder commanding voice be replaced by that squeaky mouse you thought you put out. What you already know however, you will know no matter how much pressure you’re under. As a long term goal however you will want to work on being more expressive because that is a demand of your field. You can do the exercises and practice with others as the new way becomes entrenched in how you operate. The goal is to become so naturally expressive that you don’t need to think about it before a big meeting, but until you reach that point you still know how to make your point from where you stand. Over time, you will develop 2 new tools- You will learn how to convey your message within your original comfort zone, but you’ll also become more expressive and have a more effective way of doing the same job that may eventually become most comfortable.
Conduct the energy. When the cards appear to be held by the other person(s), one of the best ways to level the field is to control the energy. Get them feeling the way you want tem to. When you want people to be excited about you and what you are talking about, you have to set the example and tone. A smile is the quickest way to start changing energy. When you do something with a smile, including speak or make a presentation, is changes the intonation in your voice. When your voice has that has a tone of joy, the listener hears it and responds to it even if subconsciously. They reflect that tone which will in turn increase your energy. It becomes like a game of energy catch, except that the ball of energy gets bigger each time it is caught. It works the same way with negative energy too, so be careful what energies you are putting out there. When you get your audience to feel the way you want them to feel, then you are in a better position to entice them to make the decisions that you want. While a stern super serious look from your audience can shock your nerves and cause you to stumble, a smile from you can encourage the more relaxed recipient to appear instead. In order to do that, your smile will have to outlast any frown in the room. Thankfully, smiles are more catchy 🙂
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
Others’ blindness shouldn’t affect your vision
When you do things that are different from others it is not uncommon to hear criticism. That’s perfectly fine. Just because others cannot see your vision does not mean you need to allow them to cloud you’re your site of it. I certainly have a few should be insults that I proudly don as a badge of honor. I’m “cheap” because my purchases must both make sense to me and fit in my budget. I’m “boring” when I choose to stay in to get my work done when I need to. Other people will throw words around all the times, sometimes maliciously, and other times just because they don’t know better. What really matters is not the words that are said or the speaker’s intent- It’s your acceptance.
You can always rely a confused look when you thank someone for something that was not intended to be a compliment. When someone calls you a nerd, that is confirmation that you are knowledgeable and knowledge seeking. That is an indication that you placed learning above what the person wanted you to value. When your “friend” tells you how cheap you are, it’s validation of your efforts to place your financial future over the frivolous spending they wanted company in. For these reasons you should thank the people who are pointing out that you are succeeding in your endeavors. Reminding you that you are staying on your track.
As long as you continue on your journey toward improvement or maintaining a level of success you have attained, there will be others who don’t understand the journey or its purpose. They will not place the same value on your efforts, because in addition to not joining in their in indulgences, you may be making them think about what they are doing. If they can get you to join in, they get confirmation that they are right and don’t have to think about it.
One of my favorite parts in the movie Pursuit of Happyness was when Mr. Garner spoke with his son at the basketball court. “You got a dream, you gotta protect it… You want something, you go get it. Period.” Those words are important to remember when undertaking a journey that is different from what everyone else is doing. There will always be someone who does not get it. But instead of telling you that hey don’t get it, they will try to make you feel like you lost your marbles for thinking so big. I mean can you imagine what people said when those crazy Wright brothers talked about putting a mechanical bird in the air? —Ya’ll boys better go satdown somewhere. Today everyone is talking about diversification, and multiple streams of income, but when George Washington Carver was first trying to educate people on that while the industry was trying to figure out how to get cotton back, someone certainly told him where to go with his peanuts and that alternative crops mambo jumbo. The inventions of these men our integral parts of our society now.
Other people not getting the vision is not a sign that you are wrong. It’s confirmation that you are on to something new. Something BIG! As they attempt to qualify you for your own dream (you don’t have …, you don’t know… you didn’t even…), they are also reminding you of what you’ve had to overcome to conceive this great dream of yours. “Really? How you gon’ be a business owner and didn’t even graduate high school?” That simply means that you can see far beyond the limitations they impose as what someone who did not graduate high school can do. Knowing that you are such the visionary shall be your motivation to put together actionable plans to realize your vision. Can you imagine if President Obama told the cashier taking his mother’s food stamp that he was going to be President Of The United States? In the words of Mays Gilliam: “which United States?” When others can’t see your vision, don’t allow their blindness to cloud your own vision. Instead, see it for them too. Visualize it. Actualize it. See yourself right! Make your vision so clear that if you read your action plan in reverse it looks like the steps for deconstructing your final product. Whether your goal is financial, professional, educational or anything else you could want, always keep an eye on the prize and the other on the action plan you are following.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
Go Big or Go Home! Don’t Fear Investing In The Future
Investing is not a game for the weak. Whether you are playing with money or your future, getting the desired results take heart. It requires definiteness of purpose and commitment. This is not a time for “sorta, kinda, not really, maybe, a little bit”. While I can usually get a chuckle with that statement or some version of it; it is simply that- a cute response that commands at smile. When it comes time for getting results these statements or others like them have no place in the conversations. Attaining definite results require definite purpose and plans, neither of which can be fully implemented without an unwavering commitment to both.
Definite purpose and plan backed by the strength of commitment is what fuels the actions that produce results. The future cannot be left to chance. While some may say that they are leaving it in the hands of a higher power, failing to use the resources provided by this higher power is leaving it to chance. If we were to find one great commonality between prayers to God, harmonizing with the universe, the law of attraction, law of abundance or any other source that people rely on, it would be their requirements of the requester. Whether you are relying on God or other spirits of the universe to help in your endeavor they all require that you believe AND take actions toward the results you seek. There may be trials and getting through them is a requirement for getting to that desired.
Approaching goals with definite purpose and plan backed by the strength of commitment also provide the key to overcoming fear. Fear may not cease to exist, but this combination of resources will take over the responsibility of guiding your actions. When you don’t have that in place your actions can easily and will very likely be guided by fear. Fear-guided action is small, and generally lacks strength of purpose and definiteness. As a result, you may be moving, just not in a manner that will get you to where you want to be.
When it comes to your future, every day is Game 7. If you don’t give your all at every opportunity, you can miss your chance and have to sit out until next year. When your actions are guided by fear you can’t go big. You take smaller steps- if you even dare to step. If you are not willing to take the big steps that get you the big results then you just don’t get them.
Going BIG is not about taking frivolous uncalculated risks. It’s about being fully invested. Going BIG involves doing the preparatory work that gets you ready when the opportunity presents. It’s not about taking shots from across the court; rather it is getting all the resources together and getting the practice so that the players on your team have enough experience and understanding of these shots that they will be willing to take them before the buzzer. Taking big risk without preparation and research is simply careless. It’s the addition of those two components that gives validity to the risk.
If you want great rewards go for it! Be willing to out in the work. Do the research. Gather resources. Most importantly keep pushing forward no matter what. If you even come to a point when it seems that you have nothing left to give or that you just might not make it through to the end, remember these lyrics from one of my favorite Rodney Atkins songs.
If your going through hell
Keep on going, don’t slow down
If you’re scared don’t show it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you’re thereYeah, If you’re going through hell
Keep on moving, face that fire
Walk right through it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you’re there
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
Live For Today – Prepare For Tomorrow
It is said that life is a journey. I agree. The thing about a journey is that it has multiple components, each of which serve a vital part in making the journey great and complete.
The Past or experience, is the first part. That is where every journey takes foothold. The ideas, the desires and hopes that you have for every journey stem from experiences. It is our past that helps us design our future. Whether it is the negative experiences that are to be avoided or the more desirable experiences that are sought, the experiences from the past help make that determination. The past is to be remembered for the pleasantries that it holds and appreciated for the many lessons that it has taught.
The Present should be treasured. Living in the past or the future causes one to miss the present and the opportunity for many experiences that can make the future even better. Every moment in the present is a part of the journey that should be cherished. It is an opportunity to enjoy every moment as it occurs but still taking into account the past and future.
The Future begins in the past. As we eagerly await the future we also plan for it. The experiences accumulated in the Past are used in the Present to plan for and design the Future.
All three parts of the journey are ever-present. All three exist even when the focus is just on one.
Recently many people have questioned the value of a college degree in light of difficulties faced by new graduates in getting desired positions and salaries. Recently, an article was posed on CNN Money Questioning whether the cost of tuition was worth it. It immediately spread through social media with everyone putting in their two cents. That was all you saw on Facebook and Twitter for a while. When looking at the face-value of tuition to current salary many are saying it’s not worth it. The real question is: When did a college education become a short-term investment. People don’t go to college because they recuperate their full investment the first year on the job. People go to college and beyond because over time they earn more than they would without that degree and they have the luxury of earning a living doing something they enjoy. Sure you could make $40,000 working in management at McDonald’s, but how long will you have to work your way up to that level without a degree? And more importantly, are you willing to put up with the nonsense and rudeness of certain customers?
In the present we do have to be practical and cautious. You have to do what makes sense for this day, but if you are so blessed, tomorrow will come whether you’ve planned for it or not. That’s exactly why you must plan for the future but not necessarily live for it. You should not bypass everything that takes place in the present to focus on preparing for the future, but by the same token, you cannot be so focused on the present that you do not plan for what happens later. Those individuals who talk about the cost of college in comparison to today’s wages are doing exactly that- focusing so much on the present that they fail to consider the future.
Imagine students start to do what the current talk suggests- not go to college because their salary after graduation is not worth it. As the economy bounces back and salaries return to normal levels, these students will have to face the decision to now try to catch up. Even when they do earn their degrees, they will have missed out on accumulating years of post graduation experience.
Planning for the future may not be the easiest and most convenient thing to do. It often is not the most enticing because planning for the future frequently requires some level of sacrifice or the forfeiture of something much more exciting. In the end the rewards are great and worth the wait. More importantly the results planning for the future far outweigh the burden of trying to catch up later.
I remember when the economy was on the downswing and my 401K balance kept dropping. In my 20s, I invested aggressively, so my losses were just as aggressive. Very three months when I received the statement I though about crying and thought about cashing out. I did neither and now instead of having spent the 25% or less of my investment that I would have received in a cash-out, I’m looking at 100% of my investment which has come back and is now growing. Past experience has shown that the downswing of every pendulum is followed by an upswing. Giving up on that downswing also means missing out of the great things that come in the upswing.
As we look to the rehabilitation of our broken economy, I hope that people will remember that just as you don’t through out your shoes while recovering from a broken foot, we should not throw out resources that made our economy great before. Temporary setbacks always have and are likely to always be a part of our reality. Giving up on better days ahead should never be an option.
<span style=”font-family: ‘Calligraph421 BT’; font-size: 14pt;”><span style=”font-family: ‘Calligraph421 BT’; font-size: 14pt;”> </span><span style=”font-family: ‘Calligraph421 BT’; font-size: 14pt;”> I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
<a href=”http://www.drjudic.com/”>www.DrJudiC.com</a></span
It is said that life is a journey. I agree. The thing about a journey is that it has multiple components, each of which serve a vital part in making the journey great and complete.
The Past or experience, is the first part. That is where every journey takes foothold. The ideas, the desires and hopes that you have for every journey stem from experiences. It is our past that helps us design our future. Whether it is the negative experiences that are to be avoided or the more desirable experiences that are sought, the experiences from the past help make that determination. The past is to be remembered for the pleasantries that it holds and appreciated for the many lessons that it has taught.
The Present should be treasured. Living in the past or the future causes one to miss the present and the opportunity for many experiences that can make the future even better. Every moment in the present is a part of the journey that should be cherished. It is an opportunity to enjoy every moment as it occurs but still taking into account the past and future.
The Future begins in the past. As we eagerly await the future we also plan for it. The experiences accumulated in the Past are used in the Present to plan for and design the Future.
All three parts of the journey are ever-present. All three exist even when the focus is just on one.
Recently many people have questioned the value of a college degree in light of difficulties faced by new graduates in getting desired positions and salaries. Recently, an article was posed on CNN Money Questioning whether the cost of tuition was worth it. It immediately spread through social media with everyone putting in their two cents. That was all you saw on Facebook and Twitter for a while. When looking at the face-value of tuition to current salary many are saying it’s not worth it. The real question is: When did a college education become a short-term investment. People don’t go to college because they recuperate their full investment the first year on the job. People go to college and beyond because over time they earn more than they would without that degree and they have the luxury of earning a living doing something they enjoy. Sure you could make $40,000 working in management at McDonald’s, but how long will you have to work your way up to that level without a degree? And more importantly, are you willing to put up with the nonsense and rudeness of certain customers?
In the present we do have to be practical and cautious. You have to do what makes sense for this day, but if you are so blessed, tomorrow will come whether you’ve planned for it or not. That’s exactly why you must plan for the future but not necessarily live for it. You should not bypass everything that takes place in the present to focus on preparing for the future, but by the same token, you cannot be so focused on the present that you do not plan for what happens later. Those individuals who talk about the cost of college in comparison to today’s wages are doing exactly that- focusing so much on the present that they fail to consider the future.
Imagine students start to do what the current talk suggests- not go to college because their salary after graduation is not worth it. As the economy bounces back and salaries return to normal levels, these students will have to face the decision to now try to catch up. Even when they do earn their degrees, they will have missed out on accumulating years of post graduation experience.
Planning for the future may not be the easiest and most convenient thing to do. It often is not the most enticing because planning for the future frequently requires some level of sacrifice or the forfeiture of something much more exciting. In the end the rewards are great and worth the wait. More importantly the results planning for the future far outweigh the burden of trying to catch up later.
I remember when the economy was on the downswing and my 401K balance kept dropping. In my 20s, I invested aggressively, so my losses were just as aggressive. Very three months when I received the statement I though about crying and thought about cashing out. I did neither and now instead of having spent the 25% or less of my investment that I would have received in a cash-out, I’m looking at 100% of my investment which has come back and is now growing. Past experience has shown that the downswing of every pendulum is followed by an upswing. Giving up on that downswing also means missing out of the great things that come in the upswing.
As we look to the rehabilitation of our broken economy, I hope that people will remember that just as you don’t through out your shoes while recovering from a broken foot, we should not throw out resources that made our economy great before. Temporary setbacks always have and are likely to always be a part of our reality. Giving up on better days ahead should never be an option.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
You Are Worth it!
One of my friends used to have an Eleanor Roosevelt quote on her voice mail “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”. I had to restate this more than a couple of times this past week as I heard people say in one context or another how someone made them feel. To allow someone to make you feel that you are unworthy or less deserving is to allow that individual to wield too much power over you. Anyone can slip into that negative thought for a brief moment. What makes the difference is how long you choose to stay in that moment and how you react to it.
Your worth and everything that you deserve must first start with you. If you don’t know or believe that you are worthy and deserving of great things, you will be susceptible to any cues that others may present, whether intentionally or not. If you choose to know your value to this world, then the opinions of others would weigh less on your feelings about yourself. And even if someone did suggest otherwise you would not be easily convinced.
Frequently, in these situations when you allow another person’s behaviors or statements to dictate your feelings it is truly because are taking on something that had nothing to do with you. People generally don’t act to negatively impact others, but instead act for their own personal convenience. So if a man or woman is not giving you the attention you desire, it’s not because you aren’t worth it; but because his values are placed elsewhere at the moment. If you decide to make yourself responsible for other people’s choice than you are placing yourself in a position to feel a great deal of hurt. You may blame them, but the true cause is somewhere inside of you.
Still, if other people’s opinions, behaviors or insecurities are affecting your views of yourself, the great question then is: What is going on with you that is allowing you to give someone else the power to dictate your feelings about yourself. Instead of focusing on the other party and how they made you feel, focus inside and uncover the root of that feeling. Someone cannot make you feel insecure if the seed of insecurity is not already activated within you.
When someone else’s cues are surfacing negative feelings about yourself, it’s time to do some work on yourself. This may be as simple as taking an inventory of the many things that make you great, but sometimes it could be deeper. You must be willing to invest the time and effort to gain or regain your connection to who you are. If the inventory does not get you to the level that you need to be, then seek help. Whether through professional help or the use of tools to help yourself, it’s worth taking the time to strengthen one’s sense of self worth because what you believe your self to be is what you will truly be. The truth remains: no matter how many times others may tell you that you are amazing; you need to believe that for it to have any impact. Otherwise the positive feedback of many will be easily drowned by the criticism of one.
As René Descartes put it “I think therefore I am”. So positive or destructive, the way it is in your mind is the way it will be in your reality. Next time you think someone is making you feel that you are not worth something, ask yourself why you are agreeing, then work to change that.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
Don’t Let Success Eclipse The Objective- 5 Tips for Maintaining Success
For most of my life I have been known as the sleepless one. My insomnia would have me up at that oddest of hours, where I’m wide awake with nothing to do. About 8 years ago I found some tools that helped. The biggest component was creating a space that was for sleeping where when I entered the room my body and mind knew it was time to relax. This required a major change since I had bee doing homework and watching TV in my room since middle school.
I moved out of my apartment where I had a desk in my room and found a place that offered a designated workspace. Since 2003 my home has always had a designated workspace which has now grown into and actual home office. My room has always been set up to provide the necessary relaxing environment and the system was working fine. As long as I went to bed at what was my bed-time, I could fall asleep and get the rest needed for a productive next day.
Seven years later this was such the norm that I forgot all about the reason for it. During the recent cold days I would go to my room with my computer. I found myself going there to do my paperwork, research and writing. As I was working in the warm and cozy environment my mind and body were readjusting to the new program. Before too long I was still up at 3 or 4 AM with my mind in full productivity mode as I toss and turn. I was getting great ideas of thing I want to do, how to fix and issue, marketing strategies, but the only thing I wanted was sleep. Blissfully unaware of the world sleep.
What actually happened was having such great success that I was taking it for granted. I lost sight of the goal and in turn started to slip back into old patterns. I lost sight of the goal I started with, which is an error many people make. When starting out in a new school or new positions we often run into this. New business owner do this much too often. When working toward the goal, it’s easy to stay focused on t as a target to be reached, but success is not a one shot deal. Once you reach it the level of success you once sought you still have to continue to work on maintaining it. Non one wants to have a successful business this year and just drop it all next year. Once you set a goal you want to arrive at that point and stay there or move forward. If you forget what you are trying to accomplish or why, you are less likely to keep working for it.
This is not to say that you should not enjoy success, rather that you should be mindful of how you got there, so that you will not what you need to do to stay there. When you enjoy the benefits of your success you are more likely to want to work to maintain it. You just have to be cautious not to take it for granted and become so complacent that you are so busy enjoying that you forget to maintain.
When it’s time to maintain the success you have earned, keep these in mind:
- When you reach a goal set a new one- Whether you are working toward maintenance or advancement a goal keeps you working toward something.
- Always set and implement Action Plan for every goal- A goal without an action plan that is being implemented is just wishful thinking which does not yield results.
- Keep yourself surrounded with others in that stage- When you reach you the success that you’ve worked for stay close to others who are there keeps you doing the things you stay there. After working so hard to succeed, you need to be around people who can show you how to keep succeeding and staying away from those behaviors that prevented you from getting there before.
- Elevate others- Knowledge is one thing that you can get more of by sharing it. By helping others learn to climb the ropes you climbed you are keeping your skills while doing good for others and making a change in the world.
- Seek ways to improve your processes- The world is evolving and if you are not keeping up you are likely to get passed up. Staying away of new research, methods and products always you to grow with clientele and their needs.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
How to boost a man’s self esteem
Men’s sense of self is more often tied to abilities. They tend to be more into what they can do. Whereas a woman can get a quick boost from a personal compliment, for a man, a compliment about a skill or talent is likely to lead to that same boost quicker. Please don’t mistake this to mean that men are not in tune with their inner selves, because many of them are. Many men have gone through the process of exploring the depth of their souls and come to appreciate who they are greatly. For those men, being able to see, appreciate and acknowledge that inner peace and confidence in him can go a long way. Of-course that would in most cases require knowing this person on deeper level and taking time to see those innermost qualities.
There are a few on the surface things that can help. Making a man feel needed is one that is often a sure fire way to get there. Unfortunately, today’s independent women have been chipping away at this little tool. You pay your own bills, can change your own tires or call AAA, and you will hire someone to mow the lawn on the house that you bought. Every now and again, though it would not be so bad to let him help with some of the “manly stuff”, like the car or something with the house. You know you could take care of it, but it’s nice to have him do it for you and he relieves you of the pressure or responsibility of having to handle it. One less thing to worry about.
This brings me to my next point. When a man does something for you, whether it is because you could not do it or because you allowed him to help, be appreciative. People want to help, but no one wants to feel unappreciated. No matter how little or how big the deed, it’s important that he knows that his efforts are appreciated. Otherwise he has no incentive to want to help again, and you will both be denying him the opportunity to step up and do more of these things that should make him feel great.
Rewards are great at any age. The last thing I asked of a man, was to come tighten the lug nuts after I changed a tire. Do you think after he came to do this in the middle of his workday that I planned something special for him? You better believe it! He needs to know that he is appreciated. Sincerely telling him is one way, but it’s also nice to do things for him as well. And this does not mean going all out. It could be as simple as a special dinner that is planned with his preferences in mind. This is simple enough that it could be done for a friend or your man.
Treating a man special is something that is too often overlooked but is such a great tool. Many men will say that this is not their “thing”, but a spa day is such a great gift. The massage, the facial, the mani/pedi can all be tailored for the manly man (in my immaturity – I still laugh at the clear polish on the nails though). In today’s tougher economic time, it may not be as easy to afford the day at the spa, but providing all the services for him at home may work just as well.
Game day preparations are also a big hit for the sports aficionado. Whether you get everything ready and leave after you get his boys to come over, or it’s a party for two (if you’re WATCHING the game too); when you plan it with him in mind he will feel it.
Taking him to the game is one that can work with your man or any other male in your life. A day about him, where he is picked up (you do the driving no matter how far) and you take care of everything until you drop him home. When you go through the trouble of making a day about someone, that says “I think you are important”, and it validates this person’s place in your life. He will also be thinking “I must really be important for someone to go through all the trouble of planning a day for me”, and that will have a positive impact on his views of self as well. Everyone wants to feel that they matter.
Looks are important too. Just as a woman likes to hear that she’s beautiful when she gets all dolled up, and man will enjoy that too. Men also put forth the effort to smell nice, so when he does smell nice that should also be complimented. Smiles, teeth, eyes and whatever else comes up are also good targets for compliments as well. The catch to making the most impact with a compliment is to lead with it. When a person compliments you first, there is that rule of politeness that you feel the need to return the compliment. No matter how genuine the returned compliment is, sometimes it can feel less than heartfelt or you run the risk of the person thinking that you were just returning their compliment. When you lead with a compliment, there is not as much wiggle room for the interpretation of your intent – It’s a compliment.
During the harder times, things get a little tricky. For instance, in these economic times when there are many men who are unemployed. If yours is one of them it’ll be hard on both of you. To start, you may need a book of affirmations (I’m only partly joking with this one). If your man is at that stage he may need you now more than ever, because when he doubts, he needs you to believe in him. He needs to know that you are behind him no matter what. These are the times for the SILENT sacrifices; when you have to pass on something you want, and not complain about it. This is when you don’t go to the concert and plan a nice romantic evening at home instead. It will be hard to work the extra hours and then come home to look over his new cover letter, but your devotion will motivate him to keep trying.
It is true that actions do speak louder than words, but words can also be very powerful. As a therapist, when working with children who were aggressive and getting into fights, I remember teaching them this statement “hands are for helping, not for hurting”. They would memorize it and eventually we got to where they would say it either out loud or just think it when they were angry and wanted to hit someone. This technique took time but once mastered had a good success rate. Adults don’t get into the physical altercations as much but they can be hurtful with their words. Sometimes it is out of anger or just a purely unintentional slip, but once the words are out they cannot be put back in. The best measure is to place a filter between the thought and the verbalization.
Try this exercise that can be used with anyone in your life. When you get ready to say something take a moment to evaluate the potential impact of the words you are going to say. As you do this you will remind yourself “words are for helping, not for hurting”. If you find that the words you were ready to utter are not going to help the person, take a second to find a more positive response before you speak. Use words to empower him. If a man is down, the intent should always be to build him back up, not bring him further down. When a man is up, you can strive to help him get higher.
Five things you can do:
1. Tell him you believe in him.
2. Show and tell him that he is appreciated.
3. Acknowledge his successes.
4. Wish him well when he’s down, if you pray tell him you pray for him.
5. Remind him how great he is.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
Boost your Self-esteem – Nurture your talents
We’ve all heard the saying “if you don’t use it, you loose it”. In most cases that is not exactly true, but in some ways it may be. We all have great talents within us, but too often the demands of everyday life lead us to put them aside. As children, many of us had these great talents that we “outgrew” when we chose to follow more practical routes. The truth is more practical does not always mean better. Choosing the “practical” does not have to mean giving up on the enjoyable.
These talents provide many necessary parts of our lives that are often overlooked. By continuing to nurture a talent individuals also find an opportunity to experience personal growth and improve self-esteem.
The first is the opportunity for growth. As you nurture your talents the skill level will undoubtedly improve. This is not to say that by continuing to practice the piano everyone can become the next Mozart, rather that over time and with practice, they will play better. In order to do this, you have to find opportunities to continue developing your talents. If as a child you sung well, this may be you great talent that needs to be nurtured. Take the time to practice. Singing along with the radio can be great, but in most cases you would then be trying to sing with/like the artist you are singing along with and not developing your own voice and sound.
When lessons are possible and finances allow, take a lesson or two, to get the basics and add some structure. This will provide motivation to keep going. The better you get, the better you will feel. The better you feel, the more motivated you will be to work harder and get better. If you were a visual artist, the same principles will apply. Catch 22? Just little.
The point is, whatever that talent used to be that inspired you as a child, it could still have the same impact if you allow it. As you develop your talents, there is a level of growth that you will experience as you learn more about your craft and about yourself. This will boost confidence in your skills as well as capabilities. Practice doesn’t make perfect, but it makes better and provides more opportunities to learn and get even better at what you do. In that process you will also grow as you discover more about your abilities, great skills and learning styles and even what makes you tick or pleases you. What better way to uncover your learning styles could there be? Or even better, can you imagine all the other things you will achieve when you know the best way for you to learn? This can be helpful on a personal and professional level.
Continuing to grow in your craft will also lead to a continuation of personal growth. Without fail, personal growth is bound to lead to an increase in confidence and higher self-esteem. Wonder how it work?
Well, as you experience personal growth, you start to learn more about yourself and start to appreciate more of your greatness. You can discover some unique attributes that were previously hidden or ignored. The more good things you know about someone, the more you tend to like them… that goes for yourself too. Even if you were to discover some not so great things about you, as you are growing personally, you will be inclined to work on these potential blemishes, and even that will make you feel good.
Now let’s say by some fluke none of the above happened for you (though very unlikely). What then? Well then you would have had a ball trying. So either way you still win. So how about it? What hidden talent will you nurture?
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
And now, the shameless plug to stay on http://www.blogsurfer.us … Gotta get that traffic.
The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People – Developing Habits
They say youth is wasted on the young. Some times I wonder about that statement. I purchased this book during my first semester of college, as a requirement for my First Year Seminar. I bought it like all my books at that time, because my scholarship provided funding for books. Luckily I’m a packrat with a lot of space so I was able to keep it all these years. I have gone through this book several times in recent years and continue to have some aha moments each time I pick it up. Today was the realization that I recognize something new each time I open it. As a college freshman I did not take full advantage of the opportunity that was before me, when I read it again later I was able to see the potential of these lessons.
The first and most important thing about these seven habits for me was that they were all for the most part internal. It’s all things that the individual could take charge of and achieving once they decided they wanted it. And of-course committed to it. Success behaviors, once they become a habit, are able to translate into the desired success. Stephen Covey defines habits as “the intersection of knowledge, skill and desire”. He continues to say “Creating a habit requires work in all three dimensions” (p. 47). This could not be more true, and this to is internally motivated.
Can I do this is different from I can do this. One of the primary differences is that one question and one asserts. This also means that with one statement opportunity is left for doubt to come in and potentially limit possibilities.
Desire is one of our greatest resources, and with enough desire the possibilities are endless. With a strong enough desire, knowledge and skill are attainable; although I am not sure how true the reverse will be. Many people can remember a time when there was something they really wanted and their parents were starting to implement the “if you want it you have to earn it”. Yes what a nightmare that was. But the more important memory should be of how far and how much you were willing to work to get it.
Developing a habit is a simple process, though not without difficulties. If there is the desire the other two components suddenly become more attainable. Desire is the drive that will push you to get things done. That is what will make you stay up to finish that last project or read the last page. This is the reason that when people seek success or financial freedom, it is best that they seek to use what they are passionate about to fuel this desire. What the passion will do is keep you interested.
Take for example the many Multilevel Marketing opportunities or Real Estate Books or CD packages that are available and tout financial freedom in no time. These programs are offered to everyone and encourage everyone to take advantage of these opportunities… Ever wondered why they work for some but not all as is promised… One of the reasons is the lack of passion. Unless they are truly passionate about that what they are doing. They are therefore not as motivated to go above and beyond and do what it takes. I started writing this but got caught up in other stuff, but the other day a friend gave me copy of an overview on CD. So this is my queue to finish the blog series I planned. So look forward to that in the coming days…
I’ll go though each habit. A reminder for those who read it and a taste for those who haven’t. I believe that these habits a have the potential to help people move mountains if they have a desire to get to the other side. As Keith Harell would say, let’s go from part-time Positive to full-time Positive.
Pardon the shameless plug… I’m tying to stay on http://www.blogsurfer.us … Gotta get that traffic.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
