Say My Name & Make My Day
In this new world of IDK TTYL BRB LOL đ we are at the point where to human connection seeming further away everyday. Birthday wishes now come in the form of TXT or social media wall posts. We say Happy Holidays via mass text messages. The personal touch is going out of style.
When I was younger I used to read peopleâs name tags to mess with them. Iâd talk to the person like I know the. Iâd say things like âHey James long time no seeâ and watch them struggle to figure out where they know me from and recall my name. Like I said I was young.
A few years ago I started using this information positively. I decided that I would greet the person by name instead of the usual nod and smile people do (at least that I do). It turns out to have been a great experience. If I make eye contact with a person as I pass them Iâll say âGood morning Joeâ or âHave a nice day Lizâ instead of the normal âhiâ that sometimes seem uncomfortably obligatory. Who can forget that most insincere âhow you doing?â that people say to each other as they walk by. The other person often responds with the same question or says âGood thanks. And yourself?â but by that time the person is long gone since no one listens to the response.
I even took it to the stores and other businesses I frequent. When I walk by employees, I acknowledge them by name. If Iâm stopping someone to ask a question, I greet them by name. After my purchase is rung up, I thank the cashier by name. The name is already plastered on their chest where it takes no effort to read. My interactions generally end with me saying âThank you NAME. Have a great day!â
The reactions have been priceless. When someone is running into a store after a long day at works and someone takes the time to smile at them and say âgood afternoon Annâ or âhello Kevinâ you can see the reaction taking place. Yes there is the original confusion, but that is followed by a genuine smile. Thatâs when you know you made a difference in the moment for that person. That tired look in their eyes, or the dazed look of being in their own little world disappears for a quick second. You are not necessarily changing the personâs life, but you make a difference for them in that moment- and possibly the rest of the day.
We spend so much of our time being identified and identifying others by numbers â Social Security #, Student ID #, Employee ID #, account #, Unit #… Some times itâs just refreshing to get that human connection.
So the next time to can see someoneâs name address them by name. Greet them by name. Thank them by name. Itâs an experience that is likely to bring a smile to their face and most definitely yours.
 Iâm just saying thoughâŠ
Dream Big⊠Live BiggerâŠ
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
Are you hiding from opportunity?
Do you know the difference between a wish and a goal? A goal is the step that comes after the wish to make it come true. When you make a wish, you put it out to the universe that there is something you want. By setting a goal toward attaining that wish itâs like you are helping the universe grant your wish. Each step that you take toward achieving that goal brings you closer to having your wish granted.
Many people start a potentially successful venture, but hide from the opportunities to succeed. Whether your wish is for a healthier body, career advancement or growing a business you will need to be positioned where the opportunities are. If you want to eat healthy, yet hang at the pizza place, you may be making that wish longer than you would be in a place that serves healthy meals. If you want career advancement and donât make time to attend company functions where you can meet the people who can promote you, you are denying yourself the opportunity to get that wish. Opportunities will be there, the question is- Will you be where they are?
Quality does matter. If you are a good employee, managers will know. When you have a great product people are likely to buy it. The key is to get that information out to those with use for it. They will find it when you place it before them. To do this, you may need to step out of your comfort zone. Imagine trying to run a successful business with only your family and close friends as clientele. You can have some earnings, but not as much as what you would have with an entire community as clientele. Friends and family wonât keep buying a product they donât need, just like your supervisor may love you but will advance his career before yours.
To take advantage of opportunities you need to be where they are, even if that means stretching out of your comfort zone. Make use of opportunities to network with the leaders of your organization. Become more visible to potential clients. Until they know your name or your work, you may be just another one of many. Itâs up to you to become the individual who is there for the right opportunity.
When itâs time to have you wishes for success granted, go after that desired outcome-
- Find out where the opportunities you want are
- Place yourself where these opportunities are.
- Get the credentials that place you in the right path for these opportunities
- Learn what steps you need to take to make your wish comes true
- Take these steps toward realizing your wish
- Donât be discouraged by set backs
- Continue to stretch yourself and grow until you can reach your goal
If you can wish it, you can make it happen. You just need to be proactive about getting your wish. In every venture, success is most attainable to those who are determined to get it. Step out of your comfort zone; step away from your limiting beliefs, and into your wish come true.
Iâm just saying thoughâŠ
Dream Big⊠Live BiggerâŠ
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
Moving Forward & Friendships- 4 steps to success
Very often we have a desire to make changes in our lives. Many people make the decisions but still donât see them to fruition. There are four key elements that can greatly influence the ability to progress from desire, to decision and then to action and fruition.
1.   Chose your destination. Until you know where you want to go you are not really progressing toward that. Whether your goal is weight loss, professional advancement, personal growth or any of the many things you can want, you will have to set it. There are many ways to move and you can always be on the move, but until you set a goal you are not moving toward a destination. Step it up! Decide what it is that you want so that you go for it. When setting goals itâs best to be specific, because the more specific you are the easier it will be to picture yourself in that destination. âI want to go to Europeâ is different from âIâm going to Parisâ. With the latter statement you have more to work with so you can plan it better. You can picture yourself Eiffel Tower and imagine what you will need to do to get there. The more specific the goal the more tangible it will feel. Whether itâs a personal weight loss goal or professional career move, the details will help you create the picture in your mind and sometimes putting that picture down in a vision board is helpful.
2.   Surround yourself with those who will inspire you. When you are on the move and making changes, you need people around you who will motivate you to keep going when times get rough. You want to surround yourself with people who are on the same path or who have already made it to where you are working to get. Those who are on the same path can motivate you along the way. They can be there to share the experience, celebrate and commiserate with you as needed. Those who have already made it will be a constant reminder of what you are working to achieve. They are also evidence that your goal can be reached, which will in turn motivate you to keep going when the road seems never-ending. Immerse yourself in the vision. Stay exposed to people and environment that remind you of what you are working for and why you want it. The more you are exposed to the benefits you seek the more you will want it.
3.   Limit your contact people who are not moving. Imagine that you and your childhood friend are traveling to destinations on different continents. You started together at your home airport. You flew together sitting side-by-side to the next airport. Now you are at the next leg of the trip and your friendâs destination is a short car ride away and yours requires another flight. This is the time for decisions- do you continue with your friend or get on the plane. Although itâs not always that simple, sometimes this is something that needs to be done. At every stage of life, there are people with us for that stage, and we need to accept that not everyone will fit in every stage. Itâs not that you donât care or want them in your life; rather that you may need some distance from certain people in order to achieve specific goals. Many of us still have the âbinkyâ that weâll always keep, but we donât carry it with us walking into the boardroom. Instead, itâs safely stowed away, and every so often gets taken out for a trip down memory lane and returned to its safe storage when weâre done. Sometimes we need to do that with friendships. There will be times when the cherished childhood friends donât see your vision for advancement. If your current circle is not giving you the inspiration and motivation you need to move toward your goals, you should be making room in your circle for people who will. Since you canât get more hours in your week, the only remaining option is to redistribute how you spend the time that you have- yes that means less time with those who are not helping you move forward so that you can get more times with those who are.
4.   Eliminate those who will hold you back. Sometimes when you decide to make life changes, you will find that not everyone in your life is ready to accept that change. This is another crucial decision juncture. When you want o make life changes, you may need to also be willing let go of those who donât want the same thing for you. If you have a weight loss goal and your friends who donât want to see you becoming thinner or healthier then them insist on getting together at the pizza, burger or wings spots despite your pleas for different eateries, you may need to stop going to eat with them so often. Some times people in your life can verbalize their disapproval of what you are doing. If you have chosen to further your education to move your career to the next level, you donât want to be around people who donât support that. If you are spending time with people consistently tell you that what you are working hard toward is a waste of your time, or that you will not reach your goals, it can be very discouraging. Allowing that negativity in your life can affect your progress. Instead of allowing people to sabotage you, keep them at a distance so that you are not exposed to the negativity. Ideally, you want
If you truly want a difference in your life you can certainly have it. What you need to remember is that change happens when you make it, and making it generally means that you may need to make certain changes in your own environment to make way for the change you desire.
Iâm just saying thoughâŠDream Big⊠Live BiggerâŠ
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
Emotional Spring Cleaning
Spring sometimes seems to be one of the most welcomed seasons, and for good reasons. We generally associate this event with many positive changes. The weather feels nicer and the environment looks prettier. Of-course, thereâs spring cleaning- Out with the old and in with the new. We take time to clean out our homes, our closets, our cars, our offices and so on. We donate things we donât use that others may need, store what we donât use now but will need later, and get rid of the things that we no longer have use for. The point of that exercise is to remove clutter and make room in our environment for things that will be more useful in our lives.
This same exercise of spring cleaning can and many situations should be applied internally sometimes. We can hold on to emotions and relationships long after they cease to add value to our lives. Itâs like those cute jeans from 10 years ago. You have not been able to fit into them in 10 years, and even if you did get back to that size they are not likely to still fit your style or current life situation. You can keep tings for sentimental value, but what they really do is take up space that can be taken up by the things you use.
After youâve cleaned out your closet, home, office⊠it may be a good idea to look at relationships and situations in your life. Some people from your past did not grow with you, so instead of embracing your current life they keep dragging you back to the past. Sort of the way your old jeans remind you how skinny you were instead of how beautiful you are. The friend who constantly brings you drama, like the copier that crashes every time you have a presentation may be holding you back.
Emotions that have outlived their usefulness are the worse type of clutter that people keep around. When things happen, it is very helpful to allow ourselves to have an emotional reaction. Whether itâs anger, joy or pain, no matter what the emotion, itâs an important part of healing and recovering that the emotion is addressed so that it can be released. Feelings donât go away until they are addressed. We have to take the time to feel them, acknowledge them and move pass them.
After you complete your physical spring cleaning this year, take some time to consider whether or not you may be in need of some emotional spring cleaning. If you need to, you can always get a bigger space for your material clutter. The emotional baggage you hang on to will go with you everywhere until you chose to leave it behind.
Leave behind the people who are holding you back. Let go of emotions that hold you down. There is a great life filled with new adventures for you to experience.
Iâm just saying thoughâŠ
Dream Big⊠Live BiggerâŠ
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
New Years Resolutions 106 â Self-Help Tools- Goodness Of Fit
If you look at the self-help product that are available, you will notice that they come in various formats. When you have to choose between books, CDs, DVDs, Workbooks and so many more, one could easily experience choice paralysis. All these products are advertised as the one that will help you, but you cannot realistically get all of them at the moment, so how do you choose? Easy⊠Just ask yourself a few questions to help you narrow it down
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Which of these media formats do I use most?
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Which of these is more likely to keep my attention for more than a week.
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Which of these media formats do I find most entertaining?
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Which of the media formats have I found most helpful in the past?
The program contained within the particular media may be great. It may even be the right type of program for you, but if itâs not the right format for you, then you are not likely to use it enough to discover the program it contains. For example: I like reading books that I can get through in one day. That would be a book between 150 and 200 pages. This is because when I first pick up the book my interest level is high and I will keep reading until morning as I get closer to the end. So If I look at a book and it has 300 pages, I look for the audio because I know I will listen to it while I drive. Having this information, I can make sure to get the right resources for me. A great DVD would be pointless, because I would not sit to watch. A book set that does not have audio would be just as bad because I would not read all the books with the consistency needed to get the benefits.
When selecting the media format for the self-help tools you will use, it is best to select media that you will use. If you are the type of person who will watch DVDs more then reading, then DVDs may be better tools for you. You have to make this assessment based on your habits and what you are more likely to enjoy and stay attentive to.
The program content are also very important. The mistake many people make is to select programs and try to tailor their lives around the program. This is actually the opposite of what needs to happen. You actually need to find programs that you can fit into your life and will help you develop and integrate new behaviors over time. Once the new positive behaviors become a part of your everyday routine then you are more likely to find other areas where you want change and proceed to implement these changes in the same way.
People who try to overhaul their lives to adapt to a program often find that they appear to be making progress for a short time, until the stress of a complete change becomes too much and they revert to their old behaviors. Just like people who quit smoking cold turkey may pick-up a cigarette the next time they are in a stressful situation; and people who drastically lose weight tend to gain back the weight with a few additional pounds; people who make these extensive life changes often revert. This without foundation there is not enough support for them to be able to address glitch.
I always say that I donât have a sweet tooth, but I have 28 sweet teeth. When I felt that I was eating too many cookies at one point, I had to put a system in place to change that. Instead of cutting out cookies altogether, I added fruits to substitute for some of the cookies. I built a foundation, which allowed me to make the change over time instead of changing my life to avoid cookies. Letâs face it, even If I donât buy sweets, Iâm bound to come across them some times. If I know how to handle it, then I stand a better chance.
Anther part of evaluating the program content is looking at the time commitment and making sure that it fits within what you are looking to invest in it. A program that requires an hour of working about 5 days a week may not fit into the plans for a person who works full-time and has classes 4 nights per week but there are others that will. When selecting a self-help program, it is important to make sure that what the program will require are things that you are willing to do. Selecting a program where you will b picking and skipping through is very ineffective because the steps tend to be interrelated and build upon each other.
The time that you are prepared to invest makes a difference. There are many programs that advertise results in 21 days, 1 month, 3 months 6 months and so on. When selecting a program you also need to no which ones you are willing to work with. If you know that your attention span can only handle a month, it may not be to your benefit to start a program that requires a 3-month commitment before you see progress, because you are at a greater risk of giving up before you reach the results. There are however, programs where you see the results gradually. The programs work well for many people because even when they have not reached the goal, they are seeing progress which ill motivate you to continue working.
Whatever your New Years Resolution is⊠Receive my best wishes for success.
DrJudiC
Dream Big⊠Live Bigger…
www.DrJudiC.com
New Years Resolutions 105 â Selecting Self-Help Tools
I recently visited a few bookstores just to check out the self help sections, including a store that I started using nearly 15 years ago. I donât know why, but I was amazed to see how that section has grown over the past decade. There are books on how to do anything and everything one can imagine. It was quite overwhelming to say the least, because each one of them was âthe oneâ. That one that will give you results. But you have to wonder; how many of these ones can there be?
If every self-help book or CD out there was really âthe oneâ, there would be no one with issues left in this country. This is not to say that these books and other products donât work. They can work; but for the right people.  The sale of these self-help tools is the multimillion dollar industry it is because many people are chronic buyers even when they are not getting results. After they did not get the results from one product, they go out and buy the next big one. All these products do have their own benefits, but people make the mistake of approaching them âwith a one size (or item) fits allâ mentality. That is most untrue and an unrealistic expectation. We are unique; we have different needs and different levels of willingness. When you select tools to help you with any project you need to select tools not just because they are advertised as likely to help, but because you feel they can help you.
The secret to getting results from any product is⊠You HAVE to use it.  That is why it is so important that you select products that you will actually use.
When selecting these materials, just as you had to do when identifying your New Years Resolutions or other goals, you first need to know you and how you operate. You have to know how you work so that you know what will work for you. You have to understand the particular factors that motivate you as well as the things that discourage you. There is an abundance of tools out there that are intended to help people with many aspects of making changes, but not all of them will work for everyone. If you can figure out what types of things work for you, then you increase the likelihood that you will select the right product for yourself. When you look to do this, there are a few questions that you want to be able to answer
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What am I looking to accomplish?
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What will I need to do to accomplish this?
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Have I done anything like this in the past? If so what helped me?
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What is my normal method of operation? How do I learn or work best?
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What are my strengths that will help me reach this resolution or goal? And what weaknesses will I need to overcome to reach this resolution or goal?
By answering these five questions you will be able to get a clearer picture of what you will need to have in the tools that you will select to help you. While I recommend answering all these questions, if you can only answer a single question, make it question 4. Knowing the way you operate will help you in selecting the tools that will be most efficient for helping you. Along with having numerous programs, they are also available in many different formats. If you are not one who is likely to sit and read a thick book (which you can usually tell by the number of books youâre read in the last three to six months), then a book set is probably not the best item for you. You would also need to do the same assessment for CDs DVDs and other forms of media that these tools come in. No matter how great a resource is, there is absolutely no point to having it if you are not using it. Unless of-course you need another item to collect dust.
Once youâve narrowed down the media format that you are more likely to benefit from then you will also have to consider the support level that you will need and the availability of that through the programs that you will select. In NYR 106 we will address the evaluation of program content and requirements.
Whatever your New Years Resolution is⊠Receive my best wishes for success.
DrJudiC
Dream Big⊠Live Bigger…
www.DrJudiC.com
New Years Resolutions 104 â Gather resources
So youâve you made your New Years Resolution and identified the steps that you will need to take. Good! Now what do you need to make it happen? As you progress toward fulfilling your New Years resolutions, there will be thing that you need along the way to help you complete each step of the process.
While we are more than capable of succeeding independently, we can all benefit from a little support once in a while. One of the first tools that you should seek out is a strong support network. This network can include anyone who you know will be supportive of your goal and with whom you are willing to share your goal, progress and hurdles. These could be friends, family, people at the gym or at work that at work that you click with. The main component is that they are supportive of you in your goal. You want to surround yourself with the people who will notice and point out your progress. People who will say things like âIâm proud of you for making it to the gym 3 times this weekâ instead the ones who say âyou only made it to the gym 3 times this weekâ. IN a way you are building your cheering section⊠Who wants cheer section with a negative attitude? Many people seek out the help pf professionals for this. As a Coach, I see how this has benefited my clients.
As you look at your lists (see NYR 103) you will notice that there are resources that you will need. If your resolution is regarding your professional life for example, you may need additional trainings. You may need certain things if you are starting a new workout regiment, or organization tools. No matter what these need are, taking the time to address them will likely make your journey easier. Any task is easier when you have the right tools.
Take some time to go through your lists and identify the resources that you will need to accomplish each item on the list. Once youâve identified the need, then itâs time to determine how you will get these resources. These needs may be as simple as getting file folders or researching needed trainings online. The important thing is that you know what you need a make a plan to get them. As you set your plan, also start to set time lines; especially for the items for the items you are modifying and from your easy list that you are starting on right away. Again, get the easy things first to get you started. Set reasonable times to get the things that you need and stick with the schedule. Again, if you things happen and you miss a scheduled item, make it up right away to avoid loosing momentum.
If youâve been to a bookstore, library or just watched television recently you know that there are a number of books, CDs, DVDs and other similar items to help people do everything. Many of these are very helpful, while others some not so much. Whether or not these items will work help you on your quest will depend on whether or not you select the right one tool for you. More information on selecting the right tools is available in NYR 105. Get out there and start building your team.
What ever you New Years Resolution is⊠Receive my best wishes for success.
DrJudiC
Dream Big⊠Live Bigger…
www.DrJudiC.com
New Years Resolutions 103 â Break it Down to Make it Easier
Ever heard the saying getting there is the hardest part? Some times, that can be so very true. The only problem is that if getting there is too hard, you may not make it. Most people make their New Years Resolutions fully intending to follow through. Eventually they stop trying because it gets to be too much of a change on their normal routine. Thatâs why I encourage small manageable steps that can lead to a big change.  I can guarantee you that if you stand up right now in take 10 small steps, you will have moved from where you started. The same is true of behavior modifications.  Smaller steps may take longer, but they impose less disruption on your life, so you are able to incorporate them into your routine with much less inconvenience. By the time you realize how much change has been made, these small steps have become a part of your new routine and you gain the benefits without much inconvenience.
Once youâve determined what your New Years Resolution is and identified the benefits you stand to gain, itâs time to see how you will make it happen. The first step of that is breaking this big goal into smaller parts. Losing weight or getting healthier for example, requires numerous changes, including changes in diet and physical activity. If you break the goal down into steps, you can see more clearly what you will need to do. Take some time to break your New Years Resolution into smaller action steps. Break it down to the different behavior changes that you will need to make in order to accomplish the goal.
After youâve taken time to carve out some of the details, itâs time to categorize your steps. Your first category will be for the things that you already do. These are steps that youâve identified as necessary toward reaching your goal that are already part of your day. You will likely need to make some modifications in how you do them now, but the main thing is that they already have a place in your current routine. Include everything that you can think of. The more it seems you are already doing, the more attainable your goal will appear. These steps can include eating – for getting healthier, or checking the mail â for getting organized.
Once you have this list, then you can explore ways that these things can be modified to meet the needs of your goal. The modifications can include things like adding steamed vegetables to your meal and/or removing a fatty component. You can start slow (1 or 2 days per week) and have a timeline for increasing. Your steps toward getting organized may be to check the mail more frequently or sort through it in a timely manner.
As you go through the items on the list during the day, begin to do them with the modifications. Yes, that will require a little more thought at first, but eventually the changes will fit seamlessly into the process. If you forget one time, try to make it up as soon as you remember. When you wait until the next time, you risk falling out of sink. Try to apply as many of the modifications as you can. The ones that require more effort can be added to one of the other two lists.
Your next category is for easy steps. These are the ones that will not require much effort from you and will not be much of an inconvenience. These are things like putting a bottle of water on your desk at work so that you remember to drink water, or responding do emails when you read them so you donât forget to respond. Anything that you see on your list that you know will be easy for you to do should go on your easy list. Many of the items that are on the list of things you already do can also be added to your easy list with the modifications that will be done.
Your easy list is your launch pad. After you start to apply to modifications to the items on the list of things you already do, itâs time to tackle some of the easier steps. The reason I always say start with easy first is the reward of accomplishment motivation that you get. The easy steps will take less time and effort, so they will get done or integrated into your routine more quickly. Each step that is completed will give you a sense of accomplishment that has the power to encourage you to do more. That thrill of âI did itâ makes you want to do more. The more success you have, the more you will want. You can continue to build on that momentum as you progress to the next step.
You can always go through and have a medium difficulty and difficult list, but for me thatâs over listing. Everything that did not make the first two lists can just default into your final list. This list is for the things that will take a little bit more time and effort from you. These are the things like going to the gym regularly or sitting down to file and shred papers. One of the reasons I leave these for last is that the momentum and excitement generated by the accomplishments from the items from the first two lists will provide motivation. Another reason is that the experience and the changes that you have already made can also make these other steps easier. The excitement of seeing your new healthier eating habits can motivate you to go to the gym while the extra energy from your healthy eating makes your workout easier. You will find that many of the steps on your first two lists will have a positive impact on your ability to go through this final one.
Whatever the goal is, you can certainly achieve it. Â You may need a little help, but that too can be found. Â In NYR 104 we will explore this. Â Even elephants are eaten one bite at a time.
Whatever you New Years Resolution is⊠Receive my best wishes for success.
DrJudiC
Dream Big⊠Live Bigger…
www.DrJudiC.com
New Years Resolutions 102 â Identify the benefits
Remember the New Years resolution to get organized that got lost in the chaos? Maybe that resolution to lose weight thatâs buried under 5 new pounds? Getting organized and losing weight are two of the most common New Years resolutions. They are also two of the resolutions that are most often set aside. There are two major reasons that this happens.
The first is societal norms instead of personal desire. Our society tells people that thinner is better, but thatâs not necessarily true. Many of us our perfectly comfortable with our bodies, and many others would be if they did not succumb to societal pressure. Of those who resolve to be more organized, many want to make that change to conform to societal standards of âorganization. If the chaotic organization style is what has worked for you, then you may not be as motivated to change it.
When you look to make a New Years resolution you need to know how that resolution will benefit you and determine if this is a benefit that you are looking for. Getting organized does have a number of great benefits, but thatâs not something that everyone else is looking for. If your system is working well, the benefits of a change may not be enough. Making a resolution is a fun little thing to do as part of a New Year tradition, but keeping one can also become a part of the tradition.
Whatâs in it for me?
You can ask that question when you are the one asking yourself to do things. If you invest the time and energy realize your New Years resolution
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What will you get for that?
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Is this something you want or need?
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How much do you want or need it?
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What are you willing to do to get it?
When you answer these questions, write the answers down and keep them somewhere that you can have access to them. If this is something that you will be working toward, keeping the goal in sight is very helpful.
Another reason that many people donât follow through with their New Years resolutions is the functionality. When you make a change, the process and the end result both need to fit into your life. NYR 103 addresses this.
What ever you New Years Resolution is⊠Receive my best wishes for success.
DrJudiC
Dream Big⊠Live Bigger…
www.DrJudiC.com
New Years Resolutions 101 â A resolution for whom?
At the beginning of every year many people tend to make New Years Resolutions. I often joke about how hard it is to be at the Gym from January to the beginning of March because you may have to wait for machines. In order to make any effective changes, you must first know what you want changed and the best method for implementing the change. Before an improvement plan can be made you must first know what needs to be fixed. If youâve never called a repair shop, any type of repair shop; I can guarantee that there are a few questions you will be asked. What item are you looking to fix? Whatâs the name? What is the model? What year was it made or how long have you had it? Whether you call a car repair shop, computer or appliance repair, they will ask you a version of these questions. The reason is that they have to know what they have to work with so that they can properly and accurately diagnose the problem and determine how to fix it.
Most people would agree that humans and human behavior are more complex than any machine that has been invented by man. So why is it that we take the time to assess the problems and status before we map out improvement plans for everything else? Just as you seek out the Maytag man, or the mechanic who specializes in German cars, the same attention should be paid to modifying behaviors. The way to do that is the first know you.
Who?
Who are you? Not just your name, but you as the individual.
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How well do you know this individual for who you wish to see these changes. When you look in the mirror what do you see?
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If you were making a completely honest introduction of yourself, what would you say?
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Are you pleased with what you would have to say? If not what needs to change to make the introduction as you would like it to be?
I Am Unique-
Yes you are dear, you and everyone else. Itâs funny to say when joking around with friends, but it is also very true. Individuality is great and should be treasured. More important than being unique is knowing what makes you so unique, because that is in effect what truly matters. You will know this when you know you. This applies to personal growth and improvement, because that is something that must be kept in mind all times. This means that not everyone will respond the same to a stimulus or training.
As you make your New Years resolution, it is expected that yours will be similar to the resolutions being made by many others around the world. That does not mean that they are identical. As you seek to make these changes, it would help to know why you are this is what you want. Having a reason is not a necessity, but it is a motivator. Have you ever heard someone simply say they want to lose weight and start but not finish? Thatâs because the motivation and desire wear off. If that same person wanted to lose weight to fit into an outfit for a specific event, they would then have a reason. Almost like a destination, and they would continue on their journey until they arrive. When making your New Years resolution, seek to first know what is important to you. Know what you value. That will help you determine what you want and make resolutions that really matter to you. Resolve to do something that is important to you, where you donât just want what you want, but also why you want it.
What ever you New Years Resolution is⊠Receive my best wishes for success
DrJudiC
Dream Big⊠Live Bigger…
www.DrJudiC.com
How to boost a man’s self esteem
Menâs sense of self is more often tied to abilities. They tend to be more into what they can do. Whereas a woman can get a quick boost from a personal compliment, for a man, a compliment about a skill or talent is likely to lead to that same boost quicker. Please donât mistake this to mean that men are not in tune with their inner selves, because many of them are. Many men have gone through the process of exploring the depth of their souls and come to appreciate who they are greatly. For those men, being able to see, appreciate and acknowledge that inner peace and confidence in him can go a long way. Of-course that would in most cases require knowing this person on deeper level and taking time to see those innermost qualities.
There are a few on the surface things that can help. Making a man feel needed is one that is often a sure fire way to get there. Unfortunately, todayâs independent women have been chipping away at this little tool. You pay your own bills, can change your own tires or call AAA, and you will hire someone to mow the lawn on the house that you bought. Every now and again, though it would not be so bad to let him help with some of the “manly stuff”, like the car or something with the house. You know you could take care of it, but itâs nice to have him do it for you and he relieves you of the pressure or responsibility of having to handle it. One less thing to worry about.
This brings me to my next point. When a man does something for you, whether it is because you could not do it or because you allowed him to help, be appreciative. People want to help, but no one wants to feel unappreciated. No matter how little or how big the deed, itâs important that he knows that his efforts are appreciated. Otherwise he has no incentive to want to help again, and you will both be denying him the opportunity to step up and do more of these things that should make him feel great.
Rewards are great at any age. The last thing I asked of a man, was to come tighten the lug nuts after I changed a tire. Do you think after he came to do this in the middle of his workday that I planned something special for him? You better believe it! He needs to know that he is appreciated. Sincerely telling him is one way, but itâs also nice to do things for him as well. And this does not mean going all out. It could be as simple as a special dinner that is planned with his preferences in mind. This is simple enough that it could be done for a friend or your man.
Treating a man special is something that is too often overlooked but is such a great tool. Many men will say that this is not their “thing”, but a spa day is such a great gift. The massage, the facial, the mani/pedi can all be tailored for the manly man (in my immaturity – I still laugh at the clear polish on the nails though). In todayâs tougher economic time, it may not be as easy to afford the day at the spa, but providing all the services for him at home may work just as well.
Game day preparations are also a big hit for the sports aficionado. Whether you get everything ready and leave after you get his boys to come over, or itâs a party for two (if youâre WATCHING the game too); when you plan it with him in mind he will feel it.
Taking him to the game is one that can work with your man or any other male in your life. A day about him, where he is picked up (you do the driving no matter how far) and you take care of everything until you drop him home. When you go through the trouble of making a day about someone, that says âI think you are importantâ, and it validates this personâs place in your life. He will also be thinking âI must really be important for someone to go through all the trouble of planning a day for meâ, and that will have a positive impact on his views of self as well. Everyone wants to feel that they matter.
Looks are important too. Just as a woman likes to hear that sheâs beautiful when she gets all dolled up, and man will enjoy that too. Men also put forth the effort to smell nice, so when he does smell nice that should also be complimented. Smiles, teeth, eyes and whatever else comes up are also good targets for compliments as well. The catch to making the most impact with a compliment is to lead with it. When a person compliments you first, there is that rule of politeness that you feel the need to return the compliment. No matter how genuine the returned compliment is, sometimes it can feel less than heartfelt or you run the risk of the person thinking that you were just returning their compliment. When you lead with a compliment, there is not as much wiggle room for the interpretation of your intent â Itâs a compliment.
During the harder times, things get a little tricky. For instance, in these economic times when there are many men who are unemployed. If yours is one of them itâll be hard on both of you. To start, you may need a book of affirmations (Iâm only partly joking with this one). If your man is at that stage he may need you now more than ever, because when he doubts, he needs you to believe in him. He needs to know that you are behind him no matter what. These are the times for the SILENT sacrifices; when you have to pass on something you want, and not complain about it. This is when you donât go to the concert and plan a nice romantic evening at home instead. It will be hard to work the extra hours and then come home to look over his new cover letter, but your devotion will motivate him to keep trying.
It is true that actions do speak louder than words, but words can also be very powerful. As a therapist, when working with children who were aggressive and getting into fights, I remember teaching them this statement âhands are for helping, not for hurtingâ. They would memorize it and eventually we got to where they would say it either out loud or just think it when they were angry and wanted to hit someone. This technique took time but once mastered had a good success rate. Adults don’t get into the physical altercations as much but they can be hurtful with their words. Sometimes it is out of anger or just a purely unintentional slip, but once the words are out they cannot be put back in. The best measure is to place a filter between the thought and the verbalization.
Try this exercise that can be used with anyone in your life. When you get ready to say something take a moment to evaluate the potential impact of the words you are going to say. As you do this you will remind yourself âwords are for helping, not for hurtingâ. If you find that the words you were ready to utter are not going to help the person, take a second to find a more positive response before you speak. Use words to empower him. If a man is down, the intent should always be to build him back up, not bring him further down. When a man is up, you can strive to help him get higher.
Five things you can do:
1. Tell him you believe in him.
2. Show and tell him that he is appreciated.
3. Acknowledge his successes.
4. Wish him well when heâs down, if you pray tell him you pray for him.
5. Remind him how great he is.
 
Iâm just saying thoughâŠ
Dream Big⊠Live BiggerâŠ
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
Boost your Self-esteem – Nurture your talents
Weâve all heard the saying âif you donât use it, you loose itâ. In most cases that is not exactly true, but in some ways it may be. We all have great talents within us, but too often the demands of everyday life lead us to put them aside. As children, many of us had these great talents that we âoutgrewâ when we chose to follow more practical routes. The truth is more practical does not always mean better. Choosing the âpracticalâ does not have to mean giving up on the enjoyable.
These talents provide many necessary parts of our lives that are often overlooked. By continuing to nurture a talent individuals also find an opportunity to experience personal growth and improve self-esteem.
The first is the opportunity for growth. As you nurture your talents the skill level will undoubtedly improve. This is not to say that by continuing to practice the piano everyone can become the next Mozart, rather that over time and with practice, they will play better. In order to do this, you have to find opportunities to continue developing your talents. If as a child you sung well, this may be you great talent that needs to be nurtured. Take the time to practice. Singing along with the radio can be great, but in most cases you would then be trying to sing with/like the artist you are singing along with and not developing your own voice and sound.
When lessons are possible and finances allow, take a lesson or two, to get the basics and add some structure. This will provide motivation to keep going. The better you get, the better you will feel. The better you feel, the more motivated you will be to work harder and get better. If you were a visual artist, the same principles will apply. Catch 22? Just little.
The point is, whatever that talent used to be that inspired you as a child, it could still have the same impact if you allow it. As you develop your talents, there is a level of growth that you will experience as you learn more about your craft and about yourself. This will boost confidence in your skills as well as capabilities. Practice doesn’t make perfect, but it makes better and provides more opportunities to learn and get even better at what you do. In that process you will also grow as you discover more about your abilities, great skills and learning styles and even what makes you tick or pleases you. What better way to uncover your learning styles could there be? Or even better, can you imagine all the other things you will achieve when you know the best way for you to learn? This can be helpful on a personal and professional level.
Continuing to grow in your craft will also lead to a continuation of personal growth. Without fail, personal growth is bound to lead to an increase in confidence and higher self-esteem. Wonder how it work?
Well, as you experience personal growth, you start to learn more about yourself and start to appreciate more of your greatness. You can discover some unique attributes that were previously hidden or ignored. The more good things you know about someone, the more you tend to like them⊠that goes for yourself too. Even if you were to discover some not so great things about you, as you are growing personally, you will be inclined to work on these potential blemishes, and even that will make you feel good.
Now letâs say by some fluke none of the above happened for you (though very unlikely). What then? Well then you would have had a ball trying. So either way you still win. So how about it? What hidden talent will you nurture?
Iâm just saying thoughâŠ
Dream Big⊠Live BiggerâŠ
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
And now, the shameless plug to stay on http://www.blogsurfer.us ⊠Gotta get that traffic.
The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People â Developing Habits
They say youth is wasted on the young. Some times I wonder about that statement. I purchased this book during my first semester of college, as a requirement for my First Year Seminar.  I bought it like all my books at that time, because my scholarship provided funding for books. Luckily Iâm a packrat with a lot of space so I was able to keep it all these years. I have gone through this book several times in recent years and continue to have some aha moments each time I pick it up. Today was the realization that I recognize something new each time I open it. As a college freshman I did not take full advantage of the opportunity that was before me, when I read it again later I was able to see the potential of these lessons.
The first and most important thing about these seven habits for me was that they were all for the most part internal. Itâs all things that the individual could take charge of and achieving once they decided they wanted it. And of-course committed to it.  Success behaviors, once they become a habit, are able to translate into the desired success. Stephen Covey defines habits as âthe intersection of knowledge, skill and desireâ. He continues to say âCreating a habit requires work in all three dimensionsâ (p. 47). This could not be more true, and this to is internally motivated.
Can I do this is different from I can do this. One of the primary differences is that one question and one asserts. This also means that with one statement opportunity is left for doubt to come in and potentially limit possibilities.
Desire is one of our greatest resources, and with enough desire the possibilities are endless. With a strong enough desire, knowledge and skill are attainable; although I am not sure how true the reverse will be.  Many people can remember a time when there was something they really wanted and their parents were starting to implement the âif you want it you have to earn itâ. Yes what a nightmare that was. But the more important memory should be of how far and how much you were willing to work to get it.
Developing a habit is a simple process, though not without difficulties. If there is the desire the other two components suddenly become more attainable. Desire is the drive that will push you to get things done. That is what will make you stay up to finish that last project or read the last page. This is the reason that when people seek success or financial freedom, it is best that they seek to use what they are passionate about to fuel this desire. What the passion will do is keep you interested.Â
Take for example the many Multilevel Marketing opportunities or Real Estate Books or CD packages that are available and tout financial freedom in no time. These programs are offered to everyone and encourage everyone to take advantage of these opportunities⊠Ever wondered why they work for some but not all as is promised⊠One of the reasons is the lack of passion. Unless they are truly passionate about that what they are doing. They are therefore not as motivated to go above and beyond and do what it takes. I started writing this but got caught up in other stuff, but the other day a friend gave me copy of an overview on CD.  So this is my queue to finish the blog series I planned. So look forward to that in the coming daysâŠ
Iâll go though each habit. A reminder for those who read it and a taste for those who havenât. I believe that these habits a have the potential to help people move mountains if they have a desire to get to the other side. As Keith Harell would say, letâs go from part-time Positive to full-time Positive.
Pardon the shameless plug⊠Iâm tying to stay on http://www.blogsurfer.us ⊠Gotta get that traffic.
Iâm just saying thoughâŠ
Dream Big⊠Live BiggerâŠ
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
Self esteem boost â Easy as 1-2-3
Even the best of us can wake up having a bad day. Confidence can be shaken even if for a brief moment. When that happens, how the day and the circumstance are handled is key. That is why it is imperative that individuals have tools to help them generate a little self-esteem boost to help through these days. Walking with your head held high is not just a saying. It really does help you boost confidence âIFâ youâre willing to let it. When your head is up you are able to connect with others and allow them to bring you positive energy.
Try this exercise one day⊠When you wake up and just feel like youâre not feeling your best. Walk into your closet and find something you know is just cute and sexy â not skanky â sexy. That will vary depending what you have to do that day. If youâre going to work or a business meeting a suit with the right umph; out and about maybe a nice casual ensemble; out in the night life â Do you! Once you get that, then go to the mirror and take a moment to admire your master piece. When you feel that you have a developed enough appreciation for the hotty before you, step out into the world with that picture in your mind.
The Spark
Sometimes you may not be completely satisfied with how you look. Of-course I will say DO something about it. But for the moment until you have completed that goal, there is ALWAYS something that you can appreciate. Your smile; your eyes; your nose; teeth â Thatâs your spark! I personally believe that God made us all and we are beautiful because God took the time, but I know that not everyone sees it that way and not everyone even believe in God. If you are one who does, I would recommend that when you are having trouble finding that one spark of hotness look hard, because God couldn’t get you all that wrong.
Once you have found that spark step into the world, and believe that each individual you encounter will be directed to your spark. I you appreciate that spart in you, they more than likely will too. So when you move, look to draw peopleâs attention to your spark. The way you do that is by capturing attention. If when you walk youâre looking down, any attention toward you will be guided in that direction. If you want the attention elsewhere you first have to get it, and you get it with eye contact in a smile.
How it works
Eye contact draws a person to you. Once you get them in that split second, if you donât project discomfort, they a get a chance to extend the look from your eyes to the rest of you; and thatâs when they get to notice what ever part of you that you showcased.
Pick your Spark
Although you may have some great assets to work with, itâs always important to carefully pick what you showcase. Iâve heard many women complain about guys who go for their cleavage and have to be reminded that their face was a little bit higher. Thatâs a topic for a different time. What you want to do is showcase an area that people will be comfortable complementing you on. If you showcase your smile, men and women may compliment you (if youâre female that is⊠Sorry guys, only women will dare). If you showcase your cleavage, many may look, but most will not be comfortable saying âhey nice cleavageâ. For many women, that comment/âcomplimentâ would not be accepted as such.
Think of the last time someone complimented you. Regardless of the your relationship with the person or lack there of, it made an impact. Whether big or small, compliments make us feel good. When a man walks into a room, and someone says âhey- did you just get a hair cut? Looks good!â That man gets a little ego boost. If he gets enough of these throughout the day, by the time he gets home that night, he may be a different man than he was when he left that morning.
If you come out in need of a compliment you need to create opportunities for compliments to come. That means give people the opportunity. There certain things that are no-nos ie: butt, cleavage, legs that people will be less comfortable to compliment. If thatâs your asset and you feel good showcasing that, then you can and let that make you feel good. It just requires more effort on your part because you donât get as much of the positive feedback, and some of the feedback you do get may not be desirable. Still you you have to know that there is more to you than just those attributes. Just the same, these are some attributes more likely to draw a compliment, ie: smile, eyes, hair (sometimes a nicely trimmed facial hair in men). These are easy and innocent compliments that people will not be too uncomfortable to share.
Finally, paying a compliment is another way to draw compliments. You say something nice about someone and they say something nice about you. That method is not a particular favorite, because if feels less genuine. Some people even have difficulty returning a compliment, because it can feel forced. It may not always be a best bet, but it works. One way that it works is that by extending a compliment to someone, you engage them and give them an opportunity to return one. My favorite way however, is that looking for good in others can help you see good in you. When you focus your energy on finding positive things to compliment others on, you are harnessing positive energy that will radiate through you. You may not even notice it happening. but that feeling starts to happen and you start to feel that positive energy and start feeling better for no apparent reason. Later on when you sit back, then you may realize how making someone else feel better helped you feel better.
When youâre having a rough day, you may not be in the mood to give positive energy, but if you can find a way to attract it to you, you can then reflect it. Then you will be able to attract more positive energy and before you know it change your moods, feelings and perceptions. Isnât it nice to remember how powerful you are?
Iâm just saying thoughâŠ
Dream Big⊠Live BiggerâŠ
DrJudiC
www.drjudic.com
Shout outs to the Real Men!!!
Yesterday we celebrated Fatherâs day. As the day approached I heard quite a few people talking about it. How they celebrate, who they celebrate and things like that. I also heard a few people talking about how some deadbeats have a tendency to surface around that time⊠trying to get some acknowledgement⊠AS IF!!! (Yes I know how ditzy that sounds, but thatâs what came to mind).
Now that itâs Monday, in most cases the celebration of dad is over. The focus will now shift back to those who are not around. This does not just stay with the fathers. We do that all around. We focus the ones not doing the right things and not the ones standing tall and holding it down. When is CNN going to do a special on the dad who goes to work and comes home to his children and their mother every day? The brothers who stay in school and get those degrees? All the fellas who do the dang thing. I guess theyâre too busy celebrating the guys dropping the ball.
It is believed that people would not watch it if they did a special on people doing the right thing. Wow⊠Do we really enjoy feeding on negativity that much? Personally, Iâm a bit annoyed that they think we have nothing better to do than watch otherâs pain. Then again, the rating folks probably canât even tell when I turn off my TV. But my issue though is how do we give props to the men who do their manly things?
I know some great guys, sons, brothers, dads, husbands, friends, boyfriends. Just amazing men! I know that Iâm not the only one who knows these guys. We all know a few, but for whatever reason they donât get enough credit. Instead of making a big deal out of the guy who was up all night with his sick child, we focus on the one who was not there. Instead of the guy who rubs our tummy when it hurts, we hear of the one who doesnât call.
As a child psychotherapist, I and many others I know in the field work with parents and teachers to get them to encourage positive behaviors. Make a big deal when a child does something great and not so much at their bad behaviors. This encourages the ones who are already doing well and motivates those who arenât doing well to make changes because they want the attention. As much as society jokes about these ball dropping guys being like children who knows?
Iâm not saying itâs gonna suddenly make every guy want to change or anything like that, but I want us to make a big deal of the good guys. Facebook, I challenge you to make a big deal of the good guys.
Some of my tops⊠My brothers â Didier, Ben, Bill, Yve⊠My cousins â Canât name them all â Grandpa was a busy guy. DAS, Uncles, friends and other relatives⊠I am surrounded by great guys⊠You are tooâŠ
To all of you guys I dedicate Heather Headley’s He Is …
Iâm shouting a few of them⊠add yours in the comments. Shout âem out on Faccebook with your comments!!!
Iâm just saying thoughâŠ
Dream Big⊠Live BiggerâŠ
DrJudiC
www.drjudic.com
Best You Forward: Make the lasting impression that ends your unemployment
When we hear on the news how high the unemployment rate is itâs always troubling. We all wish there was something that we can do to help, and people in the job market are always seeking more tools to help them get an edge. DrJudiC Presents a series of teleseminars to help.
On Monday June 22, 2009 DrJudiC will present Best You Forward: Make the lasting impression that ends your unemployment. This event is free to fans of Living The Dream on Facebook and visitors of the Living The Dream website.
Phenomenal Women
I was at a career fair yesterday and met so many people. It was encouraging to see how many people were plugging away at trying to get that next gig. To these folks I must say Way To Go!!! There were many people there who had been through the mills with trying to make things happen. Today Iâm shoutinâ out the Phenomenal Women who are out there holding things together. You are keeping the world moving even when there is a lot of pushing and pulling required of you. We are truly blessed even when things are not going the way we want them to.
My charge to each one of you today is to do something nice for someone else. Assert the power of your greatness. Make someone smile today. Give a compliment. If you know someone who is in the market for a job right now call them and give them some encouragement. Itâs hard to be in the hunt in this market, but with the support of people around them, they can be positive another day. After that, say a special prayer of thanksgiving for yourself and others around you. If you are in the job market, I am proud of you for hanging in there. Even when you donât know it I pray for you, and encourage you to continue doing the same.
Ladies, I dedicate your favorite India Arie song to you today⊠Play it out, because today it is your song.
I appreciate you all.
Iâm just saying thoughâŠ
Dream Big⊠Live BiggerâŠ
DrJudiC
www.drjudic.com
New heroes for the babiesâŠ
I recently attended a forum where I heard something disturbing (I know⊠Itâs starting to sound like I attend a lot of meetings). I donât think it was so much what was said that bothered me, but more that this was not the first time.  One of the panelist commented that there were not enough role models for our youth outside the entertainment industry.  Itâs not every child who is going to be the next Jay-Z, Tom Brady or Randy Moss. Locally in Palm Beach County we do have home grown talents like Vince Wilfork and Devin Hester who have been making big plays in the NFL over the past few years.  Each of these men were on a high school teams with many other young athletes, but weâre not keeping up with their careers.
Is it that we donât have role models or are we not showcasing them? How many athletes do you know are now doing great things in the community? There are many of them. There are more young athletes from all sports who donât get drafted out of high school and college then the ones who do. We canât forget the entertainment industry. Lights! Camera! Action! Mic check 1-2 1-2. Many people left these things behind and have pursued fulfilling careers where they are making a difference in our communities, but they donât get the lime light. The youth in turn donât get exposed to them. They donât get to see the great running back who is a doctor; the star wrestler who is an attorney; the singer who now loves teaching her students; the actor who works with community youth⊠you get the picture.  They donât get the recognition for making a change in the community.Â
Many people in our society have become too focused on money. Last time I heard a group asked what success meant to them, more than 75% (probably more) of their responses was about having money.  Donât get me wrong, Iâm not saying I donât want money. Iâll pick a dollar off the ground before giving it a single thought, but I know there are other things in life.  My point is more that when we glorify having an exorbitant amount, we show kids that success means having a lot of money. Â
We should really show these kids that they can throw a ball and then grow up to be CEOs. Technicians, mechanics â If you donât believe they can make a good living, check your bill (and donât act like Iâm the only one thatâs ever been taken for that ride). Â
Itâs great to have children grow up and do the things that they like, but are we sometimes giving them the wrong idea?  More importantly how can we get more options in front of our youth.  They need to know that you donât have to be a celebrity to live a good life.  Yes, I agree that parents should be the first role models for their children, but be realistic.  In many cases, parents loose cool points just by their children becoming teens (donât worry parents, you get them back later⊠with interest). The next best option is to get other people in front of them who they can still see as cool, and who are living the successful lives.  The challenge of-course is getting these great ârole modelsâ in front of our youth at the rate that athletes, and other entertainers are. I know⊠thatâs probably asking for a too much. Especially when these groups bring in the money. But then again Flavor Flav is on how many attempts at finding his next baby mama? Â
There are so many reality shows depicting drama and vulgarity.  Could we possibly move some of that energy, money and good airtime to show a positive light on some of our local heroes? People like us who do our thing and do it well.  I do have that thing with always asking for too much, but I think we could do this. What do you think?  How could we make this happen?  Share your thoughts and ideas.Â
Iâm just saying thoughâŠ
Dream Big⊠Live BiggerâŠ
DrJudiC
www.drjudic.com
