Five (5) Keys To Being Happy
‘Being Happy is a choice’- We hear that all the time. People say be happy, but they don’t tell you how to get to happy. In this video learn things you can do to be happy.
Addressing Tragedy With Children
When tragedy occurs, children need be reassured and provided that feeling of safety again. Comfort & reassure them. Get assistance when necessary. Be careful what “other” messages you are sending them. In childhood, children are prepared to deal with stress as adults.
They Know They Want You! –3 Steps To Being The No-Brainer
Whether it’s a job interview or meeting with a potential client, it should go without saying that you need to know your stuff. That is expected, and failure to deliver on that is both a waste of your time and an insult to the person you are meeting with. So when you know that everyone else is going to come in prepared, the key to being the one lies in your ability to stand out from the group.
Think outside the box. You know that, but it just so happens that so do your competitors. While everyone else may be trying to think outside the box, not everyone has the same strengths and expertise. Play to your greater strengths. Focus on what you can do, that hasn’t been done before that will not only meet the needs of the client or organization, but surpass expectations. This way you are offering something that is beyond great and can best be delivered by you. It’s not just – This is how you can make money- It’s more of a –These as the benefits that come in the package with me. In order to get these great benefits they want, they have to first bring you on board. This is something that should be done for every interview or presentation to meet the different needs. What you offer each client should be uniquely tailored to their individual needs. That’s why you can’t take the same presentation of every client or send the same exact resume to every job opening.
Expand your comfort zone. Everyone talks about stepping out of your comfort zone. That is a great exercise, but it’s not enough. Going out of your comfort zone is something that is easy to do when you are relaxed and comfortable, but not as much when you are on the spot and the pressure is on. These situations breed nervousness in the most confident people, and nervousness pushes people to retreat to what they find comfortable. If you are soft spoken, practicing to speak up before an interview is not enough. Instead, you need to learn to express yourself in a way that gets your message across through your soft voice. You may practice speaking up with your friends, but when comfort gets replaced by nerves so will your louder commanding voice be replaced by that squeaky mouse you thought you put out. What you already know however, you will know no matter how much pressure you’re under. As a long term goal however you will want to work on being more expressive because that is a demand of your field. You can do the exercises and practice with others as the new way becomes entrenched in how you operate. The goal is to become so naturally expressive that you don’t need to think about it before a big meeting, but until you reach that point you still know how to make your point from where you stand. Over time, you will develop 2 new tools- You will learn how to convey your message within your original comfort zone, but you’ll also become more expressive and have a more effective way of doing the same job that may eventually become most comfortable.
Conduct the energy. When the cards appear to be held by the other person(s), one of the best ways to level the field is to control the energy. Get them feeling the way you want tem to. When you want people to be excited about you and what you are talking about, you have to set the example and tone. A smile is the quickest way to start changing energy. When you do something with a smile, including speak or make a presentation, is changes the intonation in your voice. When your voice has that has a tone of joy, the listener hears it and responds to it even if subconsciously. They reflect that tone which will in turn increase your energy. It becomes like a game of energy catch, except that the ball of energy gets bigger each time it is caught. It works the same way with negative energy too, so be careful what energies you are putting out there. When you get your audience to feel the way you want them to feel, then you are in a better position to entice them to make the decisions that you want. While a stern super serious look from your audience can shock your nerves and cause you to stumble, a smile from you can encourage the more relaxed recipient to appear instead. In order to do that, your smile will have to outlast any frown in the room. Thankfully, smiles are more catchy 🙂
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
Others’ blindness shouldn’t affect your vision
When you do things that are different from others it is not uncommon to hear criticism. That’s perfectly fine. Just because others cannot see your vision does not mean you need to allow them to cloud you’re your site of it. I certainly have a few should be insults that I proudly don as a badge of honor. I’m “cheap” because my purchases must both make sense to me and fit in my budget. I’m “boring” when I choose to stay in to get my work done when I need to. Other people will throw words around all the times, sometimes maliciously, and other times just because they don’t know better. What really matters is not the words that are said or the speaker’s intent- It’s your acceptance.
You can always rely a confused look when you thank someone for something that was not intended to be a compliment. When someone calls you a nerd, that is confirmation that you are knowledgeable and knowledge seeking. That is an indication that you placed learning above what the person wanted you to value. When your “friend” tells you how cheap you are, it’s validation of your efforts to place your financial future over the frivolous spending they wanted company in. For these reasons you should thank the people who are pointing out that you are succeeding in your endeavors. Reminding you that you are staying on your track.
As long as you continue on your journey toward improvement or maintaining a level of success you have attained, there will be others who don’t understand the journey or its purpose. They will not place the same value on your efforts, because in addition to not joining in their in indulgences, you may be making them think about what they are doing. If they can get you to join in, they get confirmation that they are right and don’t have to think about it.
One of my favorite parts in the movie Pursuit of Happyness was when Mr. Garner spoke with his son at the basketball court. “You got a dream, you gotta protect it… You want something, you go get it. Period.” Those words are important to remember when undertaking a journey that is different from what everyone else is doing. There will always be someone who does not get it. But instead of telling you that hey don’t get it, they will try to make you feel like you lost your marbles for thinking so big. I mean can you imagine what people said when those crazy Wright brothers talked about putting a mechanical bird in the air? —Ya’ll boys better go satdown somewhere. Today everyone is talking about diversification, and multiple streams of income, but when George Washington Carver was first trying to educate people on that while the industry was trying to figure out how to get cotton back, someone certainly told him where to go with his peanuts and that alternative crops mambo jumbo. The inventions of these men our integral parts of our society now.
Other people not getting the vision is not a sign that you are wrong. It’s confirmation that you are on to something new. Something BIG! As they attempt to qualify you for your own dream (you don’t have …, you don’t know… you didn’t even…), they are also reminding you of what you’ve had to overcome to conceive this great dream of yours. “Really? How you gon’ be a business owner and didn’t even graduate high school?” That simply means that you can see far beyond the limitations they impose as what someone who did not graduate high school can do. Knowing that you are such the visionary shall be your motivation to put together actionable plans to realize your vision. Can you imagine if President Obama told the cashier taking his mother’s food stamp that he was going to be President Of The United States? In the words of Mays Gilliam: “which United States?” When others can’t see your vision, don’t allow their blindness to cloud your own vision. Instead, see it for them too. Visualize it. Actualize it. See yourself right! Make your vision so clear that if you read your action plan in reverse it looks like the steps for deconstructing your final product. Whether your goal is financial, professional, educational or anything else you could want, always keep an eye on the prize and the other on the action plan you are following.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
Hateration Fuels Your Fire But You Decide Which Fire
There are many things in the world that can be used for tremendous good or evil equally. Take Chemistry for instance- with the right mix lives can be saved, while through another just as many can be destroyed. Geometry and physics can be applied to build or demolish spectacular structures. Hateration is another force that is dually powerful. It can fuel your way to success or fuel the fires of negativity incinerate your dreams.
Hateration takes the form and strength that the individual allows it to. If you decide to give in and let it win, it will take over. It can consume you and lead you to spend so much time worrying about the negatives and not enough working toward positives. It can lead you to be so blinded by obstacles that you can’t see the solutions that stare in your face. But most of all if it is allowed to, Hateration can cause you to please your haters and prove them right, by doing what they wanted you to do and failing where they predicted you would.
Hateration is like fuel that is being added to the fire. If the fire burning within you is that of doubt and discouragement, then that it will magnify them. But if you are burning with a passion for success, a strong commitment to achieve your goals, adding fuel to that fire can propel you to the next level. The criticisms of others will make you work that much harder. For every person who said you cannot do what you set out to, you will work a few more hours to make sure that you do. Each time you hear that it’s impossible you will do more research to discover how it is possible. When you use the discouragement of others as a reminder of your pioneering potential, you can’t help but push further.
In this case, hateration would be the fuel that moves you further. It’s not that you could not get there without, but since it’s there, instead of wasting your energy working to remove it, you use the energy that it can provide you. It is a great tool for those who know how to harness its energy.
The power of hateration is in what it leads you to do, and every time you use it to move closer to your goals- YOU WIN. There is saying that “behind every successful person there is a group of haters”. We hope that is not true, but is it is something that only the haters change. An individual working towards goals cannot afford the time that it takes to appease this group. That time is much better spent garnering more supporters through good work and dedication to your goals and the things that really matter.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
Go Big or Go Home! Don’t Fear Investing In The Future
Investing is not a game for the weak. Whether you are playing with money or your future, getting the desired results take heart. It requires definiteness of purpose and commitment. This is not a time for “sorta, kinda, not really, maybe, a little bit”. While I can usually get a chuckle with that statement or some version of it; it is simply that- a cute response that commands at smile. When it comes time for getting results these statements or others like them have no place in the conversations. Attaining definite results require definite purpose and plans, neither of which can be fully implemented without an unwavering commitment to both.
Definite purpose and plan backed by the strength of commitment is what fuels the actions that produce results. The future cannot be left to chance. While some may say that they are leaving it in the hands of a higher power, failing to use the resources provided by this higher power is leaving it to chance. If we were to find one great commonality between prayers to God, harmonizing with the universe, the law of attraction, law of abundance or any other source that people rely on, it would be their requirements of the requester. Whether you are relying on God or other spirits of the universe to help in your endeavor they all require that you believe AND take actions toward the results you seek. There may be trials and getting through them is a requirement for getting to that desired.
Approaching goals with definite purpose and plan backed by the strength of commitment also provide the key to overcoming fear. Fear may not cease to exist, but this combination of resources will take over the responsibility of guiding your actions. When you don’t have that in place your actions can easily and will very likely be guided by fear. Fear-guided action is small, and generally lacks strength of purpose and definiteness. As a result, you may be moving, just not in a manner that will get you to where you want to be.
When it comes to your future, every day is Game 7. If you don’t give your all at every opportunity, you can miss your chance and have to sit out until next year. When your actions are guided by fear you can’t go big. You take smaller steps- if you even dare to step. If you are not willing to take the big steps that get you the big results then you just don’t get them.
Going BIG is not about taking frivolous uncalculated risks. It’s about being fully invested. Going BIG involves doing the preparatory work that gets you ready when the opportunity presents. It’s not about taking shots from across the court; rather it is getting all the resources together and getting the practice so that the players on your team have enough experience and understanding of these shots that they will be willing to take them before the buzzer. Taking big risk without preparation and research is simply careless. It’s the addition of those two components that gives validity to the risk.
If you want great rewards go for it! Be willing to out in the work. Do the research. Gather resources. Most importantly keep pushing forward no matter what. If you even come to a point when it seems that you have nothing left to give or that you just might not make it through to the end, remember these lyrics from one of my favorite Rodney Atkins songs.
If your going through hell
Keep on going, don’t slow down
If you’re scared don’t show it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you’re thereYeah, If you’re going through hell
Keep on moving, face that fire
Walk right through it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you’re there
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
What’s their opinion costing you?
Not long ago I found myself in a discussion with someone who was holding back from doing what she wanted for fear of what others may think. How many times have we all seen that? How many times have we DONE that? If you take some time to look around you’ll notice that not only are there people around you who are not pursuing their dreams and getting what they want from life, you may have at some point even been one of those. I know I have.
I talk a lot about my swimming adventures now, but two summers ago I would even look at water, so jumping in was definitely out of the question. Yes, I know I’m from an island. I could see the Atlantic from the front porch of my home in Haiti, but we don’t mess with water like that. Later on (late teens – early 20s) I did want to learn to swim, but the thought of how I would look a “grown woman” trying to swim did cross my mind. In fact so much that I delayed this pursuit a few times. The opportunity presented itself again a couple of years ago and I accepted a friend’s offer to teach me. One of my best decisions! I didn’t just find my new favorite form of complete workout; I also learned a potentially life-saving skill. I won’t lie, I’m still a Black woman and my hair plays a big part of deciding when and how often I swim, but everyday in the pool is a joy and a blessing.
My hang-ups about being a grown woman learning to swim may not have had great professional impacts, but still affected my life. The level of exercise I accomplish through an hour of swimming would take me a good two hours in the gym. A small but notable impact on my every day life. Unfortunately, for most people the impact is much greater. When you start thinking of people who are delaying going back to complete their schooling, making career moves that are not in line with what is expected of them. While delaying their personal advancements, they are frequently faced with a disgruntled existence. Some things may be going well, but that missing piece keeps the picture from being complete. Over time the void left by the missing piece seems to get bigger and the discontent that wraps around it has no choice but to grow along.
Earlier I watched a clip of a presentation by Abiola Abrams, where her message was “So What?” – encouraging her audience to stand up to their self-imposed limitations. That’s exactly what all of us need to learn to say about the opinions of others and the limitations we try to put on ourselves. These limitations give the individual permission to not do their best. The limitations become the crutches that justify not getting in the race even as the lone competitor.
The limitations that you place on yourself or allow others to place on you in the end are costing you a great deal, but having little if any effect on the external limiters. In most cases the individuals whose opinions you are concerned with are too busy focusing on their own issues to even have an opinion on what you are or aren’t doing. In the rare case that others are taking the time to form an opinion, your thought should be more on what part of their own growth are they neglecting to make time to criticize you?
You can’t waste your time worrying about people who are too busy getting their house in order to even be concerned with you. As you cower away, shielding yourself from their judgment, they will be more than occupied with experiencing their own growth, enjoying their own successes and living a life that you can now only wish for from your little corner of fear. These are not the type of people whose opinion you need to worry about, instead they are the people who you can take a hint from. Seeing how they go for their goals should be a source of inspiration not intimidation. They may be facing the same limitations you are, but having chosen to succeed they could not be bothered with limitations. Instead of worrying what they would think of you, focus on how you can get their help on your own journey. They may be too busy to judge you but they could still make time to help you. Quite often, learning from them does not even require more than observing their normal behaviors, which speak volumes.
And you should certainly not waste your time on those you fill their time in judgment of those working toward personal growth and achievement instead of doing the same. Chances are, if they were not just as concerned of what others may think of them, they would probably be out there making the same efforts as you. Once you have taken the first step of getting started, you are already ahead of them.
Like the lyrics from that old song say “haters gonna hate ballers gonna ball”. While all that is happening it will be up to you to decide where you fit in the picture. You can sit back and avoid having people judge you for daring to expand your horizons. At the end of the day you will be right where you started with them. You also always have the option of taking that leap and giving it your all. But at the end of that day even if you’ve not yet arrived, you will certainly be closer to your goal and probably a comfortable distance ahead of those who were too busy judging you to get started themselves.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
How to boost a man’s self esteem
Men’s sense of self is more often tied to abilities. They tend to be more into what they can do. Whereas a woman can get a quick boost from a personal compliment, for a man, a compliment about a skill or talent is likely to lead to that same boost quicker. Please don’t mistake this to mean that men are not in tune with their inner selves, because many of them are. Many men have gone through the process of exploring the depth of their souls and come to appreciate who they are greatly. For those men, being able to see, appreciate and acknowledge that inner peace and confidence in him can go a long way. Of-course that would in most cases require knowing this person on deeper level and taking time to see those innermost qualities.
There are a few on the surface things that can help. Making a man feel needed is one that is often a sure fire way to get there. Unfortunately, today’s independent women have been chipping away at this little tool. You pay your own bills, can change your own tires or call AAA, and you will hire someone to mow the lawn on the house that you bought. Every now and again, though it would not be so bad to let him help with some of the “manly stuff”, like the car or something with the house. You know you could take care of it, but it’s nice to have him do it for you and he relieves you of the pressure or responsibility of having to handle it. One less thing to worry about.
This brings me to my next point. When a man does something for you, whether it is because you could not do it or because you allowed him to help, be appreciative. People want to help, but no one wants to feel unappreciated. No matter how little or how big the deed, it’s important that he knows that his efforts are appreciated. Otherwise he has no incentive to want to help again, and you will both be denying him the opportunity to step up and do more of these things that should make him feel great.
Rewards are great at any age. The last thing I asked of a man, was to come tighten the lug nuts after I changed a tire. Do you think after he came to do this in the middle of his workday that I planned something special for him? You better believe it! He needs to know that he is appreciated. Sincerely telling him is one way, but it’s also nice to do things for him as well. And this does not mean going all out. It could be as simple as a special dinner that is planned with his preferences in mind. This is simple enough that it could be done for a friend or your man.
Treating a man special is something that is too often overlooked but is such a great tool. Many men will say that this is not their “thing”, but a spa day is such a great gift. The massage, the facial, the mani/pedi can all be tailored for the manly man (in my immaturity – I still laugh at the clear polish on the nails though). In today’s tougher economic time, it may not be as easy to afford the day at the spa, but providing all the services for him at home may work just as well.
Game day preparations are also a big hit for the sports aficionado. Whether you get everything ready and leave after you get his boys to come over, or it’s a party for two (if you’re WATCHING the game too); when you plan it with him in mind he will feel it.
Taking him to the game is one that can work with your man or any other male in your life. A day about him, where he is picked up (you do the driving no matter how far) and you take care of everything until you drop him home. When you go through the trouble of making a day about someone, that says “I think you are important”, and it validates this person’s place in your life. He will also be thinking “I must really be important for someone to go through all the trouble of planning a day for me”, and that will have a positive impact on his views of self as well. Everyone wants to feel that they matter.
Looks are important too. Just as a woman likes to hear that she’s beautiful when she gets all dolled up, and man will enjoy that too. Men also put forth the effort to smell nice, so when he does smell nice that should also be complimented. Smiles, teeth, eyes and whatever else comes up are also good targets for compliments as well. The catch to making the most impact with a compliment is to lead with it. When a person compliments you first, there is that rule of politeness that you feel the need to return the compliment. No matter how genuine the returned compliment is, sometimes it can feel less than heartfelt or you run the risk of the person thinking that you were just returning their compliment. When you lead with a compliment, there is not as much wiggle room for the interpretation of your intent – It’s a compliment.
During the harder times, things get a little tricky. For instance, in these economic times when there are many men who are unemployed. If yours is one of them it’ll be hard on both of you. To start, you may need a book of affirmations (I’m only partly joking with this one). If your man is at that stage he may need you now more than ever, because when he doubts, he needs you to believe in him. He needs to know that you are behind him no matter what. These are the times for the SILENT sacrifices; when you have to pass on something you want, and not complain about it. This is when you don’t go to the concert and plan a nice romantic evening at home instead. It will be hard to work the extra hours and then come home to look over his new cover letter, but your devotion will motivate him to keep trying.
It is true that actions do speak louder than words, but words can also be very powerful. As a therapist, when working with children who were aggressive and getting into fights, I remember teaching them this statement “hands are for helping, not for hurting”. They would memorize it and eventually we got to where they would say it either out loud or just think it when they were angry and wanted to hit someone. This technique took time but once mastered had a good success rate. Adults don’t get into the physical altercations as much but they can be hurtful with their words. Sometimes it is out of anger or just a purely unintentional slip, but once the words are out they cannot be put back in. The best measure is to place a filter between the thought and the verbalization.
Try this exercise that can be used with anyone in your life. When you get ready to say something take a moment to evaluate the potential impact of the words you are going to say. As you do this you will remind yourself “words are for helping, not for hurting”. If you find that the words you were ready to utter are not going to help the person, take a second to find a more positive response before you speak. Use words to empower him. If a man is down, the intent should always be to build him back up, not bring him further down. When a man is up, you can strive to help him get higher.
Five things you can do:
1. Tell him you believe in him.
2. Show and tell him that he is appreciated.
3. Acknowledge his successes.
4. Wish him well when he’s down, if you pray tell him you pray for him.
5. Remind him how great he is.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
Boost your Self-esteem – Nurture your talents
We’ve all heard the saying “if you don’t use it, you loose it”. In most cases that is not exactly true, but in some ways it may be. We all have great talents within us, but too often the demands of everyday life lead us to put them aside. As children, many of us had these great talents that we “outgrew” when we chose to follow more practical routes. The truth is more practical does not always mean better. Choosing the “practical” does not have to mean giving up on the enjoyable.
These talents provide many necessary parts of our lives that are often overlooked. By continuing to nurture a talent individuals also find an opportunity to experience personal growth and improve self-esteem.
The first is the opportunity for growth. As you nurture your talents the skill level will undoubtedly improve. This is not to say that by continuing to practice the piano everyone can become the next Mozart, rather that over time and with practice, they will play better. In order to do this, you have to find opportunities to continue developing your talents. If as a child you sung well, this may be you great talent that needs to be nurtured. Take the time to practice. Singing along with the radio can be great, but in most cases you would then be trying to sing with/like the artist you are singing along with and not developing your own voice and sound.
When lessons are possible and finances allow, take a lesson or two, to get the basics and add some structure. This will provide motivation to keep going. The better you get, the better you will feel. The better you feel, the more motivated you will be to work harder and get better. If you were a visual artist, the same principles will apply. Catch 22? Just little.
The point is, whatever that talent used to be that inspired you as a child, it could still have the same impact if you allow it. As you develop your talents, there is a level of growth that you will experience as you learn more about your craft and about yourself. This will boost confidence in your skills as well as capabilities. Practice doesn’t make perfect, but it makes better and provides more opportunities to learn and get even better at what you do. In that process you will also grow as you discover more about your abilities, great skills and learning styles and even what makes you tick or pleases you. What better way to uncover your learning styles could there be? Or even better, can you imagine all the other things you will achieve when you know the best way for you to learn? This can be helpful on a personal and professional level.
Continuing to grow in your craft will also lead to a continuation of personal growth. Without fail, personal growth is bound to lead to an increase in confidence and higher self-esteem. Wonder how it work?
Well, as you experience personal growth, you start to learn more about yourself and start to appreciate more of your greatness. You can discover some unique attributes that were previously hidden or ignored. The more good things you know about someone, the more you tend to like them… that goes for yourself too. Even if you were to discover some not so great things about you, as you are growing personally, you will be inclined to work on these potential blemishes, and even that will make you feel good.
Now let’s say by some fluke none of the above happened for you (though very unlikely). What then? Well then you would have had a ball trying. So either way you still win. So how about it? What hidden talent will you nurture?
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
And now, the shameless plug to stay on http://www.blogsurfer.us … Gotta get that traffic.
The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People – Developing Habits
They say youth is wasted on the young. Some times I wonder about that statement. I purchased this book during my first semester of college, as a requirement for my First Year Seminar. I bought it like all my books at that time, because my scholarship provided funding for books. Luckily I’m a packrat with a lot of space so I was able to keep it all these years. I have gone through this book several times in recent years and continue to have some aha moments each time I pick it up. Today was the realization that I recognize something new each time I open it. As a college freshman I did not take full advantage of the opportunity that was before me, when I read it again later I was able to see the potential of these lessons.
The first and most important thing about these seven habits for me was that they were all for the most part internal. It’s all things that the individual could take charge of and achieving once they decided they wanted it. And of-course committed to it. Success behaviors, once they become a habit, are able to translate into the desired success. Stephen Covey defines habits as “the intersection of knowledge, skill and desire”. He continues to say “Creating a habit requires work in all three dimensions” (p. 47). This could not be more true, and this to is internally motivated.
Can I do this is different from I can do this. One of the primary differences is that one question and one asserts. This also means that with one statement opportunity is left for doubt to come in and potentially limit possibilities.
Desire is one of our greatest resources, and with enough desire the possibilities are endless. With a strong enough desire, knowledge and skill are attainable; although I am not sure how true the reverse will be. Many people can remember a time when there was something they really wanted and their parents were starting to implement the “if you want it you have to earn it”. Yes what a nightmare that was. But the more important memory should be of how far and how much you were willing to work to get it.
Developing a habit is a simple process, though not without difficulties. If there is the desire the other two components suddenly become more attainable. Desire is the drive that will push you to get things done. That is what will make you stay up to finish that last project or read the last page. This is the reason that when people seek success or financial freedom, it is best that they seek to use what they are passionate about to fuel this desire. What the passion will do is keep you interested.
Take for example the many Multilevel Marketing opportunities or Real Estate Books or CD packages that are available and tout financial freedom in no time. These programs are offered to everyone and encourage everyone to take advantage of these opportunities… Ever wondered why they work for some but not all as is promised… One of the reasons is the lack of passion. Unless they are truly passionate about that what they are doing. They are therefore not as motivated to go above and beyond and do what it takes. I started writing this but got caught up in other stuff, but the other day a friend gave me copy of an overview on CD. So this is my queue to finish the blog series I planned. So look forward to that in the coming days…
I’ll go though each habit. A reminder for those who read it and a taste for those who haven’t. I believe that these habits a have the potential to help people move mountains if they have a desire to get to the other side. As Keith Harell would say, let’s go from part-time Positive to full-time Positive.
Pardon the shameless plug… I’m tying to stay on http://www.blogsurfer.us … Gotta get that traffic.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
Self esteem boost – Easy as 1-2-3
Even the best of us can wake up having a bad day. Confidence can be shaken even if for a brief moment. When that happens, how the day and the circumstance are handled is key. That is why it is imperative that individuals have tools to help them generate a little self-esteem boost to help through these days. Walking with your head held high is not just a saying. It really does help you boost confidence –IF– you’re willing to let it. When your head is up you are able to connect with others and allow them to bring you positive energy.
Try this exercise one day… When you wake up and just feel like you’re not feeling your best. Walk into your closet and find something you know is just cute and sexy – not skanky – sexy. That will vary depending what you have to do that day. If you’re going to work or a business meeting a suit with the right umph; out and about maybe a nice casual ensemble; out in the night life – Do you! Once you get that, then go to the mirror and take a moment to admire your master piece. When you feel that you have a developed enough appreciation for the hotty before you, step out into the world with that picture in your mind.
The Spark
Sometimes you may not be completely satisfied with how you look. Of-course I will say DO something about it. But for the moment until you have completed that goal, there is ALWAYS something that you can appreciate. Your smile; your eyes; your nose; teeth – That’s your spark! I personally believe that God made us all and we are beautiful because God took the time, but I know that not everyone sees it that way and not everyone even believe in God. If you are one who does, I would recommend that when you are having trouble finding that one spark of hotness look hard, because God couldn’t get you all that wrong.
Once you have found that spark step into the world, and believe that each individual you encounter will be directed to your spark. I you appreciate that spart in you, they more than likely will too. So when you move, look to draw people’s attention to your spark. The way you do that is by capturing attention. If when you walk you’re looking down, any attention toward you will be guided in that direction. If you want the attention elsewhere you first have to get it, and you get it with eye contact in a smile.
How it works
Eye contact draws a person to you. Once you get them in that split second, if you don’t project discomfort, they a get a chance to extend the look from your eyes to the rest of you; and that’s when they get to notice what ever part of you that you showcased.
Pick your Spark
Although you may have some great assets to work with, it’s always important to carefully pick what you showcase. I’ve heard many women complain about guys who go for their cleavage and have to be reminded that their face was a little bit higher. That’s a topic for a different time. What you want to do is showcase an area that people will be comfortable complementing you on. If you showcase your smile, men and women may compliment you (if you’re female that is… Sorry guys, only women will dare). If you showcase your cleavage, many may look, but most will not be comfortable saying “hey nice cleavage”. For many women, that comment/“compliment” would not be accepted as such.
Think of the last time someone complimented you. Regardless of the your relationship with the person or lack there of, it made an impact. Whether big or small, compliments make us feel good. When a man walks into a room, and someone says “hey- did you just get a hair cut? Looks good!” That man gets a little ego boost. If he gets enough of these throughout the day, by the time he gets home that night, he may be a different man than he was when he left that morning.
If you come out in need of a compliment you need to create opportunities for compliments to come. That means give people the opportunity. There certain things that are no-nos ie: butt, cleavage, legs that people will be less comfortable to compliment. If that’s your asset and you feel good showcasing that, then you can and let that make you feel good. It just requires more effort on your part because you don’t get as much of the positive feedback, and some of the feedback you do get may not be desirable. Still you you have to know that there is more to you than just those attributes. Just the same, these are some attributes more likely to draw a compliment, ie: smile, eyes, hair (sometimes a nicely trimmed facial hair in men). These are easy and innocent compliments that people will not be too uncomfortable to share.
Finally, paying a compliment is another way to draw compliments. You say something nice about someone and they say something nice about you. That method is not a particular favorite, because if feels less genuine. Some people even have difficulty returning a compliment, because it can feel forced. It may not always be a best bet, but it works. One way that it works is that by extending a compliment to someone, you engage them and give them an opportunity to return one. My favorite way however, is that looking for good in others can help you see good in you. When you focus your energy on finding positive things to compliment others on, you are harnessing positive energy that will radiate through you. You may not even notice it happening. but that feeling starts to happen and you start to feel that positive energy and start feeling better for no apparent reason. Later on when you sit back, then you may realize how making someone else feel better helped you feel better.
When you’re having a rough day, you may not be in the mood to give positive energy, but if you can find a way to attract it to you, you can then reflect it. Then you will be able to attract more positive energy and before you know it change your moods, feelings and perceptions. Isn’t it nice to remember how powerful you are?
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.drjudic.com
Shout outs to the Real Men!!!
Yesterday we celebrated Father’s day. As the day approached I heard quite a few people talking about it. How they celebrate, who they celebrate and things like that. I also heard a few people talking about how some deadbeats have a tendency to surface around that time… trying to get some acknowledgement… AS IF!!! (Yes I know how ditzy that sounds, but that’s what came to mind).
Now that it’s Monday, in most cases the celebration of dad is over. The focus will now shift back to those who are not around. This does not just stay with the fathers. We do that all around. We focus the ones not doing the right things and not the ones standing tall and holding it down. When is CNN going to do a special on the dad who goes to work and comes home to his children and their mother every day? The brothers who stay in school and get those degrees? All the fellas who do the dang thing. I guess they’re too busy celebrating the guys dropping the ball.
It is believed that people would not watch it if they did a special on people doing the right thing. Wow… Do we really enjoy feeding on negativity that much? Personally, I’m a bit annoyed that they think we have nothing better to do than watch other’s pain. Then again, the rating folks probably can’t even tell when I turn off my TV. But my issue though is how do we give props to the men who do their manly things?
I know some great guys, sons, brothers, dads, husbands, friends, boyfriends. Just amazing men! I know that I’m not the only one who knows these guys. We all know a few, but for whatever reason they don’t get enough credit. Instead of making a big deal out of the guy who was up all night with his sick child, we focus on the one who was not there. Instead of the guy who rubs our tummy when it hurts, we hear of the one who doesn’t call.
As a child psychotherapist, I and many others I know in the field work with parents and teachers to get them to encourage positive behaviors. Make a big deal when a child does something great and not so much at their bad behaviors. This encourages the ones who are already doing well and motivates those who aren’t doing well to make changes because they want the attention. As much as society jokes about these ball dropping guys being like children who knows?
I’m not saying it’s gonna suddenly make every guy want to change or anything like that, but I want us to make a big deal of the good guys. Facebook, I challenge you to make a big deal of the good guys.
Some of my tops… My brothers – Didier, Ben, Bill, Yve… My cousins – Can’t name them all – Grandpa was a busy guy. DAS, Uncles, friends and other relatives… I am surrounded by great guys… You are too…
To all of you guys I dedicate Heather Headley’s He Is …
I’m shouting a few of them… add yours in the comments. Shout ‘em out on Faccebook with your comments!!!
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.drjudic.com
Phenomenal Women
I was at a career fair yesterday and met so many people. It was encouraging to see how many people were plugging away at trying to get that next gig. To these folks I must say Way To Go!!! There were many people there who had been through the mills with trying to make things happen. Today I’m shoutin’ out the Phenomenal Women who are out there holding things together. You are keeping the world moving even when there is a lot of pushing and pulling required of you. We are truly blessed even when things are not going the way we want them to.
My charge to each one of you today is to do something nice for someone else. Assert the power of your greatness. Make someone smile today. Give a compliment. If you know someone who is in the market for a job right now call them and give them some encouragement. It’s hard to be in the hunt in this market, but with the support of people around them, they can be positive another day. After that, say a special prayer of thanksgiving for yourself and others around you. If you are in the job market, I am proud of you for hanging in there. Even when you don’t know it I pray for you, and encourage you to continue doing the same.
Ladies, I dedicate your favorite India Arie song to you today… Play it out, because today it is your song.
I appreciate you all.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.drjudic.com
New heroes for the babies…
I recently attended a forum where I heard something disturbing (I know… It’s starting to sound like I attend a lot of meetings). I don’t think it was so much what was said that bothered me, but more that this was not the first time. One of the panelist commented that there were not enough role models for our youth outside the entertainment industry. It’s not every child who is going to be the next Jay-Z, Tom Brady or Randy Moss. Locally in Palm Beach County we do have home grown talents like Vince Wilfork and Devin Hester who have been making big plays in the NFL over the past few years. Each of these men were on a high school teams with many other young athletes, but we’re not keeping up with their careers.
Is it that we don’t have role models or are we not showcasing them? How many athletes do you know are now doing great things in the community? There are many of them. There are more young athletes from all sports who don’t get drafted out of high school and college then the ones who do. We can’t forget the entertainment industry. Lights! Camera! Action! Mic check 1-2 1-2. Many people left these things behind and have pursued fulfilling careers where they are making a difference in our communities, but they don’t get the lime light. The youth in turn don’t get exposed to them. They don’t get to see the great running back who is a doctor; the star wrestler who is an attorney; the singer who now loves teaching her students; the actor who works with community youth… you get the picture. They don’t get the recognition for making a change in the community.
Many people in our society have become too focused on money. Last time I heard a group asked what success meant to them, more than 75% (probably more) of their responses was about having money. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I don’t want money. I’ll pick a dollar off the ground before giving it a single thought, but I know there are other things in life. My point is more that when we glorify having an exorbitant amount, we show kids that success means having a lot of money.
We should really show these kids that they can throw a ball and then grow up to be CEOs. Technicians, mechanics – If you don’t believe they can make a good living, check your bill (and don’t act like I’m the only one that’s ever been taken for that ride).
It’s great to have children grow up and do the things that they like, but are we sometimes giving them the wrong idea? More importantly how can we get more options in front of our youth. They need to know that you don’t have to be a celebrity to live a good life. Yes, I agree that parents should be the first role models for their children, but be realistic. In many cases, parents loose cool points just by their children becoming teens (don’t worry parents, you get them back later… with interest). The next best option is to get other people in front of them who they can still see as cool, and who are living the successful lives. The challenge of-course is getting these great “role models” in front of our youth at the rate that athletes, and other entertainers are. I know… that’s probably asking for a too much. Especially when these groups bring in the money. But then again Flavor Flav is on how many attempts at finding his next baby mama?
There are so many reality shows depicting drama and vulgarity. Could we possibly move some of that energy, money and good airtime to show a positive light on some of our local heroes? People like us who do our thing and do it well. I do have that thing with always asking for too much, but I think we could do this. What do you think? How could we make this happen? Share your thoughts and ideas.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.drjudic.com
