Five (5) Reasons To Start Teletherapy
Teletherapy is how mental health joins the telemedicine evolution. With teletherapy clients can access their therapist from anywhere in the world, making mental health services more accessible and giving clients more options. It’s still face to face, just a lot more convenient.
Five (5) Steps For Preparing For The Winter Blues (Seasonal Affective Disorder, SAD)
As fall approaches and the leaves are changing many of us are enjoying the change in season, the beauty of autumn leaves and looking forward to sweater season. Unfortunately, for many others it’s reminder that their dreary season is approaching. If you suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (Winter Blues), being ready for the season is an important step to helping you conquer the season and the disorder. Preparation helps you hold off the symptoms as long as you can, and if they breakthrough, preparation ensures you have the resources the address them.
These five steps can help you be better prepared:
- Declutter and refresh your home
- Get your winter wardrobe together
- Find/begin an exercise program- the more fun the better
- Make a social commitment calendar
- Get a your support network together
Never Make Sacrifices For Your Goal
When you hear someone say you should not make sacrifices for your goal you probably wonder if that person really knows what it takes to reach a goal. We have been conditioned that sacrifices have to be made in order to be able to reach goals and get the things that we want. It is true, sacrifices are a part of life and sometimes we do have to make them, but when it comes to your goals, don’t make sacrifices.
The word sacrifice has long been associated with the giving up of something that is desired. When you make a sacrifice, you give up something that you want and don’t want to give up. When people think of giving up the things they want there is a bit of resistance that comes with that. People don’t want to give up the things they treasure, things they’ve worked hard for or that have been with them through the years. We like our stuff. We like our norm and comforts. When asked to “give up” these, the resistance that ensues makes sense. It takes a bit more thinking about and negotiating. Most people would want try to find an alternative that allows them get what they want without giving up anything- and valuable resources are invested in that pursuit.
The truth of it is that you are making way for something that you want even more. Remember the last time you were excited about a new gadget or something like that? We see it all the time. People line up for hours or even days to get their hands on newer and better. Many times, it is not so much because the older model was bad, just that the newer model was more desirable to them. That is the same thought that should be applied when working toward your goal. Your goal is like that new shinny gadget you’re looking to upgrade to. Your present is last year’s model. It may still work, but because you want more, you upgrade.
When you make a sacrifice, that sense of loss can stand in the way of moving forward. Whether it is in time spent morning what was given up or too often the self sabotage that can result from the guilt over that decision, sacrificing is just not the best feeling in the world. Upgrades on the other hand are exciting. People look forward to them. There is no feeling of loss associated with upgrades because the focus is on what has been gained. You are trading in parts of your past for the future you desire. There may be fond memories associated with that pass and you will take them with you. You will continue to treasure them and smile big when they cross your mind. That’s the great thing about memories you don’t have to keep the past to be able to enjoy the great moments they brought.
It’s time to give up this notion of giving up. Of sacrificing. You’re not giving up something you cherish. You are gaining something you desire. You are upgrading. You are going after something that you find more desirable. Something that you want. Even more than what you will be trading in to get that one thing. Call it what it is- It’s an upgrade: An exchange of something you have for something you desire. In the pursuit of your goal that is the only acceptable move- You upgrade. Don’t make sacrifices. You should not have to give up the things that you want. Gladly trade them in foe the things you want. As nice as it may have been to trade-in you old car or gadget to upgrade to something nicer, making a trade toward upgrading your future is even better. Make the change. Give up sacrificing and take on upgrading.
I’m just saying though
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
Addressing Tragedy With Children
When tragedy occurs, children need be reassured and provided that feeling of safety again. Comfort & reassure them. Get assistance when necessary. Be careful what “other” messages you are sending them. In childhood, children are prepared to deal with stress as adults.
What About Employer Loyalty?
There was a time when employee loyalty was expected. People went to school and then went off to work for an employer where they would stay through the duration of their working lives. Promotion within the organization was the only movement most people looked for. Now people are seeing more of a difference. It’s not that these organizational values didn’t exist in the days where you worked 50 years for a company and then got sent off with a gold watch. There is one thing that is missing from most employers’ benefits packages now- the pension plan that encouraged that employee loyalty. In addition to that, employees can be loyal to their employers, to find in many cases, that their loyalty is not reciprocated. So what’s the hold now?
Many people, especially those in the helping professions stay for loyalty to the clients, fear of going out and starting in a new environment, the comfort of complacency and numerous other reasons that do not provide opportunities for them.
Because so many organizations are more openly bottom line focus, one can’t hinge their future on an organization being there for them. Let’s face it, when it become more beneficial to the organization, every employee, no matter how valuable they seem at the moment is expandable. Loyalty to the organization is not necessarily going to advance your career any more than finding the right opportunity elsewhere. Passing up on other opportunities however will surely hold you back with no guarantee that another will be available when you are ready to take that leap.
Staying for the sake of clients as, noble as it may sound is also not a good enough reason either. Some professional relationships will have planned termination while others will mature to that point. Clients are supposed to grow and evolved, meaning that at some point the clients may no longer need your services and move on. In most cases, you will have new clients as other clients exit, so the idea that you don’t want to leave clients who are used to you will always be there. Unless you phase out your clientele until the last one exits- despite the financial changes that brings. So what do you do then?
You have to realize that no matter what your profession is there were multiple reasons that you entered the field. Working with your clients or projects was only a part of the reason you chose your career. There is the aspect of personal fulfillment, as well as the need for a career that will serve to meet other needs, such as financial. When you tie yourself to an organization for whatever reason other than your meeting needs, then you are denying yourself the opportunity to have your needs even more greatly met elsewhere.
As a therapist I encountered this issue in me as well as peers- When you get to that point where you are ready to move on the next step of your career or just away from your current position but you have clients who are making such great progress. You have to have to be able to make decisions based on a systems perspective. That was the reason on instituted Employer Performance Assessment that is completed at three, six and twelve months into a position and annually afterwards. Just like the employee assessments that are administered for the employer to determine if an employee should be retained, as the employee we are entitled to this same opportunity. Just as after employee evaluations sometimes there are performance improvements that the employee has to make to better meet organizational standards or expectations, I had the same requirement for my Employer Performance Assessment.
How did this work? Around the time of each assessment period, say around 90 at the beginning, I sat down and completed the assessment just like a supervisor does for employees. I was doing this based on my knowledge and experience with the organization in the time since the last assessment. Once the assessment was completed, I looked at any items that did not receive full marks to determine if there was a way to get to full marks within an acceptable period. Sometimes it was just things that I needed to or rework, and at times I needed to reach out to supervisors for assistance in making the desired changes.
In as much as you have obligations to yours employer, you should also have expectations them as well. Just as they would not keep you around when you are not meeting their standards, you also have that same option. Now this does not mean that you decide that the organization is not meeting your needs so you up and quit. What this means is that when you determine that your needs are not being met by your employers then you should be implementing a plan to get these needs met where with your current or a new employer…
We invest too much of ourselves in our work for it to be anything but satisfying. You spend about half, sometimes more of your waking hours at work or doing something related to work. Leisure time and activities have to be scheduled around work. So it you are investing so much of you in something then it should be satisfying in every way that you desire. When that fair exchange is not happening then you owe it to yourself and the clients that you serve to make a change happen. Otherwise your investment in the services you provide can suffer thus affecting your clients.
There many reasons to stay but often the ultimate question is- does the position continue to meet the needs that you wanted met when you accepted your position and when you entered your field. If the answer to either question is no then you should be looking for opportunities that will allow you to answer yes to both.
Whats Your Hang-Up? Three (3) Steps to Conquering Self-Sabotage
There are many things that we should do, must achieve, ought to complete… The truth is that if desire is a missing element in that journey, you may encounter difficulty making progress. Forcing yourself to do something you don’t want to do is about as effective as making teenagers do something they don’t want to do. This is still not a reason to just pack up and walk away, because even the things you don’t wan to do can have immeasurable value toward other things that you want. What you need to figure out is if you will get something that could make you want to go even things you did not want at first.
You’ve taken the first step of setting the goal but can’t seem to move past to move forward. If every time you set out to take the next step you find a thousand ways to be distracted and procrastinate, then something is wrong. When you find yourself in a cycle of no results take out a piece of paper to answer the following questions. While you can easily complete this exercise on a compute or tablet, it is best to use pen and paper because there is no delete there. You can keep a running tab or your thoughts no matter how many times you change direction.
1. What my hang-up?
Something is obviously holding you back and it often is beyond the scope of just doing the work. This could be the result of many things ranging from fear of failing, fear of judgment from others, or just a lack of gain- The carrot is not big enough. Not moving forward is safety net. You may make excuses such as not knowing what you’re doing or what to do. What it really boils down to is this: As long as you don’t go ahead all those things that you may fear or worry about will not happen. The draw back is that all those things that you hope and wish for also will not happen. Take the time to figure out what it is that you are attempting to avoid by not following through to the finish line.
2. What’s my prize?
The best case scenario is what you ultimately would like to result from your investment. While your hang-up is focused on all the possible negative outcomes, the prize is about the positives that you seek. Your pie in the sky. What makes the journey worth starting? Answer this honestly. What will happen if you follow through with this journey? What will you be getting out of it? If it’s something you are doing to get money, how much will you get and what will that meant to you? Not all prizes are monetary so dig deep to uncover what you stand to gain and what that really means to you. Once you know what the prize is, you also have to decide if it’s something you can handle. You need to be able to picture yourself 30 pounds lighter or moving upward in your career so that you can determine if this would really make a difference in your life.
3. Is the potential gain worth the potential risk?
Once you’ve answer the first two questions, then you get to pick one. There is no right or wrong selection. If you decide that the risks are too great to be worthy of the prize that’s just fine. This decision will free you from wasting time avoiding something you don’t really want: A prize that does not hold enough value for you. If you decide that the reward is worth the risk then that is just as great. Once you know what you stand to gain and that the potential of getting the reward outweighs the risks, you are no longer being held back by the risks. At that point it is no longer about the task as the focus shifts to the prize. Instead of avoidant procrastination you can spend your time in pursuit of your goal.
Use visualizations to get you in the winning moment. As much as you can, be concrete– Use vision boards and affirmations to remind you of what you are working toward. These tools will be useful, especially when your hang-up tries to rear its ugly head again. You can do anything as long as you want it enough.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
You Are Worth it!
One of my friends used to have an Eleanor Roosevelt quote on her voice mail “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”. I had to restate this more than a couple of times this past week as I heard people say in one context or another how someone made them feel. To allow someone to make you feel that you are unworthy or less deserving is to allow that individual to wield too much power over you. Anyone can slip into that negative thought for a brief moment. What makes the difference is how long you choose to stay in that moment and how you react to it.
Your worth and everything that you deserve must first start with you. If you don’t know or believe that you are worthy and deserving of great things, you will be susceptible to any cues that others may present, whether intentionally or not. If you choose to know your value to this world, then the opinions of others would weigh less on your feelings about yourself. And even if someone did suggest otherwise you would not be easily convinced.
Frequently, in these situations when you allow another person’s behaviors or statements to dictate your feelings it is truly because are taking on something that had nothing to do with you. People generally don’t act to negatively impact others, but instead act for their own personal convenience. So if a man or woman is not giving you the attention you desire, it’s not because you aren’t worth it; but because his values are placed elsewhere at the moment. If you decide to make yourself responsible for other people’s choice than you are placing yourself in a position to feel a great deal of hurt. You may blame them, but the true cause is somewhere inside of you.
Still, if other people’s opinions, behaviors or insecurities are affecting your views of yourself, the great question then is: What is going on with you that is allowing you to give someone else the power to dictate your feelings about yourself. Instead of focusing on the other party and how they made you feel, focus inside and uncover the root of that feeling. Someone cannot make you feel insecure if the seed of insecurity is not already activated within you.
When someone else’s cues are surfacing negative feelings about yourself, it’s time to do some work on yourself. This may be as simple as taking an inventory of the many things that make you great, but sometimes it could be deeper. You must be willing to invest the time and effort to gain or regain your connection to who you are. If the inventory does not get you to the level that you need to be, then seek help. Whether through professional help or the use of tools to help yourself, it’s worth taking the time to strengthen one’s sense of self worth because what you believe your self to be is what you will truly be. The truth remains: no matter how many times others may tell you that you are amazing; you need to believe that for it to have any impact. Otherwise the positive feedback of many will be easily drowned by the criticism of one.
As René Descartes put it “I think therefore I am”. So positive or destructive, the way it is in your mind is the way it will be in your reality. Next time you think someone is making you feel that you are not worth something, ask yourself why you are agreeing, then work to change that.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
Brand Representation is 24/7
This weekend I had the pleasure of meeting a very nice young man at Jazz in the Gardens. From talking to him I’d say he’s either very sweet or at least good at faking it. He started conversing with my friend who thought he looked like he was 15 years old. No matter where he tried to take the conversation she was stuck on the fact that he looked like he was 15. At some point he sought my assistance but once the first impression has been made then it’s been made.
Maybe he is 25 like he said but he did not look it. When he was telling me how much it bothers him when people dismiss him like a kid because he looks so young I could not help but get into a discussion of his appearance. He has a very young looking face, and additionally, he was wearing an over-sized t-shirt and too loose shorts. So yes, he looked like he was in high school- the early years. He explained to me that he did not plan on meeting anyone, and that he was “just hanging out. That’s what I wear when I’m just hanging.” As he raved to me about how she is everything he’s been looking for, I could not help but think how I’ve heard this before, except that it usually is about missed professional opportunities.
When you have a goal or are looking to achieve certain things, there is no such thing as “just hanging out”. Every step you take can lead you to a great opportunity and you have to be ready to take it. You can easily meet the woman of your dreams in the park or the executive you can catapult your business into a Forbes rated status while standing in line at the post office. The big question is- will you look the part?
If you don’t look the part it’s much harder to convince someone to cast you for it or give you a second chance. Why should they give you an hour when you just wasted 2 minutes? When you step into the outside world you need to look the way you want to be seen. I tried to explain to the young man different things he could do help him look more like a mature adult, but he seemed to be thinking more about fitting in with his current circle than appealing to the type of women he’s looking for. I gave him the same advice I’ve given to some professionals- Be believable!
If the situation was reversed, would you believe you are who you say you are and capable of what you claim? We can’t just expect people to ignore all their own observations and believe the words we want them to despite the obvious contradictions. This is not just about physical appearance either. You must represent your brand on every level at all times. No one wears a suit everyday, but when you step out of your house you are representing your brand. If physical appearance is important to your goal, you need look that part. When knowledge matters, you need to be able to discuss the pertinent subject matter without prior notice. Succeeding is not just about how skilled and knowledgeable you are; you have to also be able to secure the opportunities to show the results you can produce with your skills and knowledge.
To avoid missing out on great opportunities, it’s important to re member that:
- You can’t delete entries from the human memory at will, so avoid allowing entries that you would later want to delete.
- You can’t bring your résumé every where you go, so you as the individual must be able to represent what it says.
- If you would have reservations hiring someone looking or behaving as you are, for your most important needs, others will likely have similar reservations about contracting your services.
- Opportunities that can be found in the least expected places are often once in a life time occurrences.
Life has much to offer, but we don’t always know what will be offered when. As a result, every day has the potential to bring with it that great long awaited offer. Of-course this makes things a bit more demanding, but that’s the way success is.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
You Must Get Up to Win: 5 Tips For Staying Up.
The truth is, if success was easy everyone would have it, but it would not be so highly coveted. While success does not follow a straight path and may come with many difficulties and pitfalls, the journey is well worth it when you reach the desired destination. Unfortunately, many people don’t get to enjoy that last part of their success journey because they abandon the path before reaching their reward.
In any game, including the game of life, you have to get back up each time you fall to have a chance to win. There is no guarantee that you will win by getting up, but if you stay down you will lose- even if by default. Sometimes you receive a blow so hard you question whether or not you should get back up, but if you remember why you entered the game and still want a chance at winning, you have to get up.
Frankly, getting up is only the first step, because once you’re up you need to find a way to stay up. As you work your way back to your feet, there are a few steps you can take to help you stay on them.
Practice Patience. Success is indeed a journey, not a destination. There are times that we all may need to have that poster up on our wall as a reminder. Every step you take along your journey to success has its place in helping you reach your success goals. Be patient with yourself and your process. Trying to take short cuts often lead to more setbacks, but an unsuccessful attempt does not signify the end of the journey. Instead it is a reminder of a need for proactive waiting- You know what you are after and you have to be willing to proceed through the journey to get to it. You may not be able to leap over the dam without falling in a few times, but if you take a moment to find the bridge and walk across you’ll probably get there sooner- That is proactive waiting.
Assess the cause of the fall. When fall off your path you need to take a moment to figure out what happened so that when you get back up you don’t repeat the same mistakes. Determining what steps took you off your path will allow you to also explore alternatives that will help you move forward. Remember, history will continue to repeat itself as long as man is foolish enough to not learn from it. Look at the things you did to keep you on the path before and the steps that led you off it. Then use your judgments and skills to determine how you can replace these faulty steps with more productive ones.
Use your time wisely. Ever notice when a fighter falls he sometimes stays down for a few counts before he gets up? He’s taking the time to gather up his energy so that he has the strength to attack once he’s up. If you fall off your path to success this is not the time to sit around dwelling on what you did not do. It’s time to regain your strength to get back in the game with renewed energy. Look at every unsuccessful attempt as the elimination of a method, getting closer to finding the method that will work. Use that time to gather the resources that you will need to help you last longer on your next attempt.
Strategize your moves. Just because success is a journey does not mean you should just go along haphazardly and hope to get where you wanted. Every step you take should have a defined purpose; even if it’s as simple as moving the journey along or making it more pleasant. You should have a strategy that can get you from where you are to where you want to be. Having a strategy helps you maximize your resources and have greater influence and autonomy on how things go. Having a strategy can be the difference between creating your success versus hoping to succeed.
Evaluate. Constant evaluation gives the reassurance that you are taking the right steps when you see that you are staying on the right path. It also provides an opportunity to make adjustments when you have deviated from the path or when there is a need to deviate. Take care not to spend more time in this stage. Evaluation should be taking place constantly as you progress in your journey, as a result you do not need to spend an excessive amount of time on this at every turn. Manage it well.
Failure only exists when you don’t make the next attempt.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
3 Steps To Help Income Catch Up To Expenses
Everywhere we turn these days someone is talking about the recession. While the economy has affected many business large and small, not every business’ slow down is a result of the external economy. There are several factors that may be affecting an organization’s financial picture, and many of them involve their most powerful resource- Human.
The state of the current economy has allowed for certain things to happen and get blamed on the economy, but there are a few things that should be considered first.
Sales attitude. You have to be able to visualize and believe that the sale can be made and that the contract can be secured. Too many people are going in with a defeatist attitude that may be overt or subconscious. If you believe that because of the economy people will be less likely to buy, then you are allowing yourself some room to not attain your goals by leaving it open that it’s not out of your control. Another down side of this problem is that if you don’t believe the potential client’s decision was result of your presentation then you don’t have as great a need to adjust and improve how you are presenting.
What you can do:
- Know and understand the value you are pitching. In a recession people may not buy as many things, but they are more welcoming to value
- Keep track of the feedback and responses that are coming at the end of presentations/meetings and make necessary adjustments
- If you are the leader of a sales team, take a few meetings with them- This will give you an idea of how your product or service is being presented
Staff behaviors. When business is booming everyone should be working at maximum capacity to meet client needs. When things get slower everyone should still be working just as diligently to get things booming again. This often means that there may be some additional duties for members of the team. You have to establish the importance of this to your team and make sure they understand why that is important to the organization as well as their job security.
Productivity over convenience. There are times when the work load may be more than the staff can handle. As the leader of an organization you need to be able to notice the difference between those times and when you are operating based on habits. When the workload is more than you have staff to handle an option is to use outside companies. You may be sourcing out your printing, copying or packaging during peak times, but when business slows, paying an outsider to do work that can be done by staff already on your payroll may no longer make sense. As a rule, you should only outsource things that cannot be done in-house for less. Calculating this also includes personnel costs.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
How to boost a man’s self esteem
Men’s sense of self is more often tied to abilities. They tend to be more into what they can do. Whereas a woman can get a quick boost from a personal compliment, for a man, a compliment about a skill or talent is likely to lead to that same boost quicker. Please don’t mistake this to mean that men are not in tune with their inner selves, because many of them are. Many men have gone through the process of exploring the depth of their souls and come to appreciate who they are greatly. For those men, being able to see, appreciate and acknowledge that inner peace and confidence in him can go a long way. Of-course that would in most cases require knowing this person on deeper level and taking time to see those innermost qualities.
There are a few on the surface things that can help. Making a man feel needed is one that is often a sure fire way to get there. Unfortunately, today’s independent women have been chipping away at this little tool. You pay your own bills, can change your own tires or call AAA, and you will hire someone to mow the lawn on the house that you bought. Every now and again, though it would not be so bad to let him help with some of the “manly stuff”, like the car or something with the house. You know you could take care of it, but it’s nice to have him do it for you and he relieves you of the pressure or responsibility of having to handle it. One less thing to worry about.
This brings me to my next point. When a man does something for you, whether it is because you could not do it or because you allowed him to help, be appreciative. People want to help, but no one wants to feel unappreciated. No matter how little or how big the deed, it’s important that he knows that his efforts are appreciated. Otherwise he has no incentive to want to help again, and you will both be denying him the opportunity to step up and do more of these things that should make him feel great.
Rewards are great at any age. The last thing I asked of a man, was to come tighten the lug nuts after I changed a tire. Do you think after he came to do this in the middle of his workday that I planned something special for him? You better believe it! He needs to know that he is appreciated. Sincerely telling him is one way, but it’s also nice to do things for him as well. And this does not mean going all out. It could be as simple as a special dinner that is planned with his preferences in mind. This is simple enough that it could be done for a friend or your man.
Treating a man special is something that is too often overlooked but is such a great tool. Many men will say that this is not their “thing”, but a spa day is such a great gift. The massage, the facial, the mani/pedi can all be tailored for the manly man (in my immaturity – I still laugh at the clear polish on the nails though). In today’s tougher economic time, it may not be as easy to afford the day at the spa, but providing all the services for him at home may work just as well.
Game day preparations are also a big hit for the sports aficionado. Whether you get everything ready and leave after you get his boys to come over, or it’s a party for two (if you’re WATCHING the game too); when you plan it with him in mind he will feel it.
Taking him to the game is one that can work with your man or any other male in your life. A day about him, where he is picked up (you do the driving no matter how far) and you take care of everything until you drop him home. When you go through the trouble of making a day about someone, that says “I think you are important”, and it validates this person’s place in your life. He will also be thinking “I must really be important for someone to go through all the trouble of planning a day for me”, and that will have a positive impact on his views of self as well. Everyone wants to feel that they matter.
Looks are important too. Just as a woman likes to hear that she’s beautiful when she gets all dolled up, and man will enjoy that too. Men also put forth the effort to smell nice, so when he does smell nice that should also be complimented. Smiles, teeth, eyes and whatever else comes up are also good targets for compliments as well. The catch to making the most impact with a compliment is to lead with it. When a person compliments you first, there is that rule of politeness that you feel the need to return the compliment. No matter how genuine the returned compliment is, sometimes it can feel less than heartfelt or you run the risk of the person thinking that you were just returning their compliment. When you lead with a compliment, there is not as much wiggle room for the interpretation of your intent – It’s a compliment.
During the harder times, things get a little tricky. For instance, in these economic times when there are many men who are unemployed. If yours is one of them it’ll be hard on both of you. To start, you may need a book of affirmations (I’m only partly joking with this one). If your man is at that stage he may need you now more than ever, because when he doubts, he needs you to believe in him. He needs to know that you are behind him no matter what. These are the times for the SILENT sacrifices; when you have to pass on something you want, and not complain about it. This is when you don’t go to the concert and plan a nice romantic evening at home instead. It will be hard to work the extra hours and then come home to look over his new cover letter, but your devotion will motivate him to keep trying.
It is true that actions do speak louder than words, but words can also be very powerful. As a therapist, when working with children who were aggressive and getting into fights, I remember teaching them this statement “hands are for helping, not for hurting”. They would memorize it and eventually we got to where they would say it either out loud or just think it when they were angry and wanted to hit someone. This technique took time but once mastered had a good success rate. Adults don’t get into the physical altercations as much but they can be hurtful with their words. Sometimes it is out of anger or just a purely unintentional slip, but once the words are out they cannot be put back in. The best measure is to place a filter between the thought and the verbalization.
Try this exercise that can be used with anyone in your life. When you get ready to say something take a moment to evaluate the potential impact of the words you are going to say. As you do this you will remind yourself “words are for helping, not for hurting”. If you find that the words you were ready to utter are not going to help the person, take a second to find a more positive response before you speak. Use words to empower him. If a man is down, the intent should always be to build him back up, not bring him further down. When a man is up, you can strive to help him get higher.
Five things you can do:
1. Tell him you believe in him.
2. Show and tell him that he is appreciated.
3. Acknowledge his successes.
4. Wish him well when he’s down, if you pray tell him you pray for him.
5. Remind him how great he is.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
Boost your Self-esteem – Nurture your talents
We’ve all heard the saying “if you don’t use it, you loose it”. In most cases that is not exactly true, but in some ways it may be. We all have great talents within us, but too often the demands of everyday life lead us to put them aside. As children, many of us had these great talents that we “outgrew” when we chose to follow more practical routes. The truth is more practical does not always mean better. Choosing the “practical” does not have to mean giving up on the enjoyable.
These talents provide many necessary parts of our lives that are often overlooked. By continuing to nurture a talent individuals also find an opportunity to experience personal growth and improve self-esteem.
The first is the opportunity for growth. As you nurture your talents the skill level will undoubtedly improve. This is not to say that by continuing to practice the piano everyone can become the next Mozart, rather that over time and with practice, they will play better. In order to do this, you have to find opportunities to continue developing your talents. If as a child you sung well, this may be you great talent that needs to be nurtured. Take the time to practice. Singing along with the radio can be great, but in most cases you would then be trying to sing with/like the artist you are singing along with and not developing your own voice and sound.
When lessons are possible and finances allow, take a lesson or two, to get the basics and add some structure. This will provide motivation to keep going. The better you get, the better you will feel. The better you feel, the more motivated you will be to work harder and get better. If you were a visual artist, the same principles will apply. Catch 22? Just little.
The point is, whatever that talent used to be that inspired you as a child, it could still have the same impact if you allow it. As you develop your talents, there is a level of growth that you will experience as you learn more about your craft and about yourself. This will boost confidence in your skills as well as capabilities. Practice doesn’t make perfect, but it makes better and provides more opportunities to learn and get even better at what you do. In that process you will also grow as you discover more about your abilities, great skills and learning styles and even what makes you tick or pleases you. What better way to uncover your learning styles could there be? Or even better, can you imagine all the other things you will achieve when you know the best way for you to learn? This can be helpful on a personal and professional level.
Continuing to grow in your craft will also lead to a continuation of personal growth. Without fail, personal growth is bound to lead to an increase in confidence and higher self-esteem. Wonder how it work?
Well, as you experience personal growth, you start to learn more about yourself and start to appreciate more of your greatness. You can discover some unique attributes that were previously hidden or ignored. The more good things you know about someone, the more you tend to like them… that goes for yourself too. Even if you were to discover some not so great things about you, as you are growing personally, you will be inclined to work on these potential blemishes, and even that will make you feel good.
Now let’s say by some fluke none of the above happened for you (though very unlikely). What then? Well then you would have had a ball trying. So either way you still win. So how about it? What hidden talent will you nurture?
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
And now, the shameless plug to stay on http://www.blogsurfer.us … Gotta get that traffic.
The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People – Developing Habits
They say youth is wasted on the young. Some times I wonder about that statement. I purchased this book during my first semester of college, as a requirement for my First Year Seminar. I bought it like all my books at that time, because my scholarship provided funding for books. Luckily I’m a packrat with a lot of space so I was able to keep it all these years. I have gone through this book several times in recent years and continue to have some aha moments each time I pick it up. Today was the realization that I recognize something new each time I open it. As a college freshman I did not take full advantage of the opportunity that was before me, when I read it again later I was able to see the potential of these lessons.
The first and most important thing about these seven habits for me was that they were all for the most part internal. It’s all things that the individual could take charge of and achieving once they decided they wanted it. And of-course committed to it. Success behaviors, once they become a habit, are able to translate into the desired success. Stephen Covey defines habits as “the intersection of knowledge, skill and desire”. He continues to say “Creating a habit requires work in all three dimensions” (p. 47). This could not be more true, and this to is internally motivated.
Can I do this is different from I can do this. One of the primary differences is that one question and one asserts. This also means that with one statement opportunity is left for doubt to come in and potentially limit possibilities.
Desire is one of our greatest resources, and with enough desire the possibilities are endless. With a strong enough desire, knowledge and skill are attainable; although I am not sure how true the reverse will be. Many people can remember a time when there was something they really wanted and their parents were starting to implement the “if you want it you have to earn it”. Yes what a nightmare that was. But the more important memory should be of how far and how much you were willing to work to get it.
Developing a habit is a simple process, though not without difficulties. If there is the desire the other two components suddenly become more attainable. Desire is the drive that will push you to get things done. That is what will make you stay up to finish that last project or read the last page. This is the reason that when people seek success or financial freedom, it is best that they seek to use what they are passionate about to fuel this desire. What the passion will do is keep you interested.
Take for example the many Multilevel Marketing opportunities or Real Estate Books or CD packages that are available and tout financial freedom in no time. These programs are offered to everyone and encourage everyone to take advantage of these opportunities… Ever wondered why they work for some but not all as is promised… One of the reasons is the lack of passion. Unless they are truly passionate about that what they are doing. They are therefore not as motivated to go above and beyond and do what it takes. I started writing this but got caught up in other stuff, but the other day a friend gave me copy of an overview on CD. So this is my queue to finish the blog series I planned. So look forward to that in the coming days…
I’ll go though each habit. A reminder for those who read it and a taste for those who haven’t. I believe that these habits a have the potential to help people move mountains if they have a desire to get to the other side. As Keith Harell would say, let’s go from part-time Positive to full-time Positive.
Pardon the shameless plug… I’m tying to stay on http://www.blogsurfer.us … Gotta get that traffic.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
