Moving Forward & Friendships- 4 steps to success
Very often we have a desire to make changes in our lives. Many people make the decisions but still don’t see them to fruition. There are four key elements that can greatly influence the ability to progress from desire, to decision and then to action and fruition.
1. Chose your destination. Until you know where you want to go you are not really progressing toward that. Whether your goal is weight loss, professional advancement, personal growth or any of the many things you can want, you will have to set it. There are many ways to move and you can always be on the move, but until you set a goal you are not moving toward a destination. Step it up! Decide what it is that you want so that you go for it. When setting goals it’s best to be specific, because the more specific you are the easier it will be to picture yourself in that destination. “I want to go to Europe” is different from “I’m going to Paris”. With the latter statement you have more to work with so you can plan it better. You can picture yourself Eiffel Tower and imagine what you will need to do to get there. The more specific the goal the more tangible it will feel. Whether it’s a personal weight loss goal or professional career move, the details will help you create the picture in your mind and sometimes putting that picture down in a vision board is helpful.
2. Surround yourself with those who will inspire you. When you are on the move and making changes, you need people around you who will motivate you to keep going when times get rough. You want to surround yourself with people who are on the same path or who have already made it to where you are working to get. Those who are on the same path can motivate you along the way. They can be there to share the experience, celebrate and commiserate with you as needed. Those who have already made it will be a constant reminder of what you are working to achieve. They are also evidence that your goal can be reached, which will in turn motivate you to keep going when the road seems never-ending. Immerse yourself in the vision. Stay exposed to people and environment that remind you of what you are working for and why you want it. The more you are exposed to the benefits you seek the more you will want it.
3. Limit your contact people who are not moving. Imagine that you and your childhood friend are traveling to destinations on different continents. You started together at your home airport. You flew together sitting side-by-side to the next airport. Now you are at the next leg of the trip and your friend’s destination is a short car ride away and yours requires another flight. This is the time for decisions- do you continue with your friend or get on the plane. Although it’s not always that simple, sometimes this is something that needs to be done. At every stage of life, there are people with us for that stage, and we need to accept that not everyone will fit in every stage. It’s not that you don’t care or want them in your life; rather that you may need some distance from certain people in order to achieve specific goals. Many of us still have the “binky” that we’ll always keep, but we don’t carry it with us walking into the boardroom. Instead, it’s safely stowed away, and every so often gets taken out for a trip down memory lane and returned to its safe storage when we’re done. Sometimes we need to do that with friendships. There will be times when the cherished childhood friends don’t see your vision for advancement. If your current circle is not giving you the inspiration and motivation you need to move toward your goals, you should be making room in your circle for people who will. Since you can’t get more hours in your week, the only remaining option is to redistribute how you spend the time that you have- yes that means less time with those who are not helping you move forward so that you can get more times with those who are.
4. Eliminate those who will hold you back. Sometimes when you decide to make life changes, you will find that not everyone in your life is ready to accept that change. This is another crucial decision juncture. When you want o make life changes, you may need to also be willing let go of those who don’t want the same thing for you. If you have a weight loss goal and your friends who don’t want to see you becoming thinner or healthier then them insist on getting together at the pizza, burger or wings spots despite your pleas for different eateries, you may need to stop going to eat with them so often. Some times people in your life can verbalize their disapproval of what you are doing. If you have chosen to further your education to move your career to the next level, you don’t want to be around people who don’t support that. If you are spending time with people consistently tell you that what you are working hard toward is a waste of your time, or that you will not reach your goals, it can be very discouraging. Allowing that negativity in your life can affect your progress. Instead of allowing people to sabotage you, keep them at a distance so that you are not exposed to the negativity. Ideally, you want
If you truly want a difference in your life you can certainly have it. What you need to remember is that change happens when you make it, and making it generally means that you may need to make certain changes in your own environment to make way for the change you desire.
I’m just saying though…Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
Emotional Spring Cleaning
Spring sometimes seems to be one of the most welcomed seasons, and for good reasons. We generally associate this event with many positive changes. The weather feels nicer and the environment looks prettier. Of-course, there’s spring cleaning- Out with the old and in with the new. We take time to clean out our homes, our closets, our cars, our offices and so on. We donate things we don’t use that others may need, store what we don’t use now but will need later, and get rid of the things that we no longer have use for. The point of that exercise is to remove clutter and make room in our environment for things that will be more useful in our lives.
This same exercise of spring cleaning can and many situations should be applied internally sometimes. We can hold on to emotions and relationships long after they cease to add value to our lives. It’s like those cute jeans from 10 years ago. You have not been able to fit into them in 10 years, and even if you did get back to that size they are not likely to still fit your style or current life situation. You can keep tings for sentimental value, but what they really do is take up space that can be taken up by the things you use.
After you’ve cleaned out your closet, home, office… it may be a good idea to look at relationships and situations in your life. Some people from your past did not grow with you, so instead of embracing your current life they keep dragging you back to the past. Sort of the way your old jeans remind you how skinny you were instead of how beautiful you are. The friend who constantly brings you drama, like the copier that crashes every time you have a presentation may be holding you back.
Emotions that have outlived their usefulness are the worse type of clutter that people keep around. When things happen, it is very helpful to allow ourselves to have an emotional reaction. Whether it’s anger, joy or pain, no matter what the emotion, it’s an important part of healing and recovering that the emotion is addressed so that it can be released. Feelings don’t go away until they are addressed. We have to take the time to feel them, acknowledge them and move pass them.
After you complete your physical spring cleaning this year, take some time to consider whether or not you may be in need of some emotional spring cleaning. If you need to, you can always get a bigger space for your material clutter. The emotional baggage you hang on to will go with you everywhere until you chose to leave it behind.
Leave behind the people who are holding you back. Let go of emotions that hold you down. There is a great life filled with new adventures for you to experience.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
How to boost a man’s self esteem
Men’s sense of self is more often tied to abilities. They tend to be more into what they can do. Whereas a woman can get a quick boost from a personal compliment, for a man, a compliment about a skill or talent is likely to lead to that same boost quicker. Please don’t mistake this to mean that men are not in tune with their inner selves, because many of them are. Many men have gone through the process of exploring the depth of their souls and come to appreciate who they are greatly. For those men, being able to see, appreciate and acknowledge that inner peace and confidence in him can go a long way. Of-course that would in most cases require knowing this person on deeper level and taking time to see those innermost qualities.
There are a few on the surface things that can help. Making a man feel needed is one that is often a sure fire way to get there. Unfortunately, today’s independent women have been chipping away at this little tool. You pay your own bills, can change your own tires or call AAA, and you will hire someone to mow the lawn on the house that you bought. Every now and again, though it would not be so bad to let him help with some of the “manly stuff”, like the car or something with the house. You know you could take care of it, but it’s nice to have him do it for you and he relieves you of the pressure or responsibility of having to handle it. One less thing to worry about.
This brings me to my next point. When a man does something for you, whether it is because you could not do it or because you allowed him to help, be appreciative. People want to help, but no one wants to feel unappreciated. No matter how little or how big the deed, it’s important that he knows that his efforts are appreciated. Otherwise he has no incentive to want to help again, and you will both be denying him the opportunity to step up and do more of these things that should make him feel great.
Rewards are great at any age. The last thing I asked of a man, was to come tighten the lug nuts after I changed a tire. Do you think after he came to do this in the middle of his workday that I planned something special for him? You better believe it! He needs to know that he is appreciated. Sincerely telling him is one way, but it’s also nice to do things for him as well. And this does not mean going all out. It could be as simple as a special dinner that is planned with his preferences in mind. This is simple enough that it could be done for a friend or your man.
Treating a man special is something that is too often overlooked but is such a great tool. Many men will say that this is not their “thing”, but a spa day is such a great gift. The massage, the facial, the mani/pedi can all be tailored for the manly man (in my immaturity – I still laugh at the clear polish on the nails though). In today’s tougher economic time, it may not be as easy to afford the day at the spa, but providing all the services for him at home may work just as well.
Game day preparations are also a big hit for the sports aficionado. Whether you get everything ready and leave after you get his boys to come over, or it’s a party for two (if you’re WATCHING the game too); when you plan it with him in mind he will feel it.
Taking him to the game is one that can work with your man or any other male in your life. A day about him, where he is picked up (you do the driving no matter how far) and you take care of everything until you drop him home. When you go through the trouble of making a day about someone, that says “I think you are important”, and it validates this person’s place in your life. He will also be thinking “I must really be important for someone to go through all the trouble of planning a day for me”, and that will have a positive impact on his views of self as well. Everyone wants to feel that they matter.
Looks are important too. Just as a woman likes to hear that she’s beautiful when she gets all dolled up, and man will enjoy that too. Men also put forth the effort to smell nice, so when he does smell nice that should also be complimented. Smiles, teeth, eyes and whatever else comes up are also good targets for compliments as well. The catch to making the most impact with a compliment is to lead with it. When a person compliments you first, there is that rule of politeness that you feel the need to return the compliment. No matter how genuine the returned compliment is, sometimes it can feel less than heartfelt or you run the risk of the person thinking that you were just returning their compliment. When you lead with a compliment, there is not as much wiggle room for the interpretation of your intent – It’s a compliment.
During the harder times, things get a little tricky. For instance, in these economic times when there are many men who are unemployed. If yours is one of them it’ll be hard on both of you. To start, you may need a book of affirmations (I’m only partly joking with this one). If your man is at that stage he may need you now more than ever, because when he doubts, he needs you to believe in him. He needs to know that you are behind him no matter what. These are the times for the SILENT sacrifices; when you have to pass on something you want, and not complain about it. This is when you don’t go to the concert and plan a nice romantic evening at home instead. It will be hard to work the extra hours and then come home to look over his new cover letter, but your devotion will motivate him to keep trying.
It is true that actions do speak louder than words, but words can also be very powerful. As a therapist, when working with children who were aggressive and getting into fights, I remember teaching them this statement “hands are for helping, not for hurting”. They would memorize it and eventually we got to where they would say it either out loud or just think it when they were angry and wanted to hit someone. This technique took time but once mastered had a good success rate. Adults don’t get into the physical altercations as much but they can be hurtful with their words. Sometimes it is out of anger or just a purely unintentional slip, but once the words are out they cannot be put back in. The best measure is to place a filter between the thought and the verbalization.
Try this exercise that can be used with anyone in your life. When you get ready to say something take a moment to evaluate the potential impact of the words you are going to say. As you do this you will remind yourself “words are for helping, not for hurting”. If you find that the words you were ready to utter are not going to help the person, take a second to find a more positive response before you speak. Use words to empower him. If a man is down, the intent should always be to build him back up, not bring him further down. When a man is up, you can strive to help him get higher.
Five things you can do:
1. Tell him you believe in him.
2. Show and tell him that he is appreciated.
3. Acknowledge his successes.
4. Wish him well when he’s down, if you pray tell him you pray for him.
5. Remind him how great he is.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
Boost your Self-esteem – Nurture your talents
We’ve all heard the saying “if you don’t use it, you loose it”. In most cases that is not exactly true, but in some ways it may be. We all have great talents within us, but too often the demands of everyday life lead us to put them aside. As children, many of us had these great talents that we “outgrew” when we chose to follow more practical routes. The truth is more practical does not always mean better. Choosing the “practical” does not have to mean giving up on the enjoyable.
These talents provide many necessary parts of our lives that are often overlooked. By continuing to nurture a talent individuals also find an opportunity to experience personal growth and improve self-esteem.
The first is the opportunity for growth. As you nurture your talents the skill level will undoubtedly improve. This is not to say that by continuing to practice the piano everyone can become the next Mozart, rather that over time and with practice, they will play better. In order to do this, you have to find opportunities to continue developing your talents. If as a child you sung well, this may be you great talent that needs to be nurtured. Take the time to practice. Singing along with the radio can be great, but in most cases you would then be trying to sing with/like the artist you are singing along with and not developing your own voice and sound.
When lessons are possible and finances allow, take a lesson or two, to get the basics and add some structure. This will provide motivation to keep going. The better you get, the better you will feel. The better you feel, the more motivated you will be to work harder and get better. If you were a visual artist, the same principles will apply. Catch 22? Just little.
The point is, whatever that talent used to be that inspired you as a child, it could still have the same impact if you allow it. As you develop your talents, there is a level of growth that you will experience as you learn more about your craft and about yourself. This will boost confidence in your skills as well as capabilities. Practice doesn’t make perfect, but it makes better and provides more opportunities to learn and get even better at what you do. In that process you will also grow as you discover more about your abilities, great skills and learning styles and even what makes you tick or pleases you. What better way to uncover your learning styles could there be? Or even better, can you imagine all the other things you will achieve when you know the best way for you to learn? This can be helpful on a personal and professional level.
Continuing to grow in your craft will also lead to a continuation of personal growth. Without fail, personal growth is bound to lead to an increase in confidence and higher self-esteem. Wonder how it work?
Well, as you experience personal growth, you start to learn more about yourself and start to appreciate more of your greatness. You can discover some unique attributes that were previously hidden or ignored. The more good things you know about someone, the more you tend to like them… that goes for yourself too. Even if you were to discover some not so great things about you, as you are growing personally, you will be inclined to work on these potential blemishes, and even that will make you feel good.
Now let’s say by some fluke none of the above happened for you (though very unlikely). What then? Well then you would have had a ball trying. So either way you still win. So how about it? What hidden talent will you nurture?
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
And now, the shameless plug to stay on http://www.blogsurfer.us … Gotta get that traffic.
The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People – Developing Habits
They say youth is wasted on the young. Some times I wonder about that statement. I purchased this book during my first semester of college, as a requirement for my First Year Seminar. I bought it like all my books at that time, because my scholarship provided funding for books. Luckily I’m a packrat with a lot of space so I was able to keep it all these years. I have gone through this book several times in recent years and continue to have some aha moments each time I pick it up. Today was the realization that I recognize something new each time I open it. As a college freshman I did not take full advantage of the opportunity that was before me, when I read it again later I was able to see the potential of these lessons.
The first and most important thing about these seven habits for me was that they were all for the most part internal. It’s all things that the individual could take charge of and achieving once they decided they wanted it. And of-course committed to it. Success behaviors, once they become a habit, are able to translate into the desired success. Stephen Covey defines habits as “the intersection of knowledge, skill and desire”. He continues to say “Creating a habit requires work in all three dimensions” (p. 47). This could not be more true, and this to is internally motivated.
Can I do this is different from I can do this. One of the primary differences is that one question and one asserts. This also means that with one statement opportunity is left for doubt to come in and potentially limit possibilities.
Desire is one of our greatest resources, and with enough desire the possibilities are endless. With a strong enough desire, knowledge and skill are attainable; although I am not sure how true the reverse will be. Many people can remember a time when there was something they really wanted and their parents were starting to implement the “if you want it you have to earn it”. Yes what a nightmare that was. But the more important memory should be of how far and how much you were willing to work to get it.
Developing a habit is a simple process, though not without difficulties. If there is the desire the other two components suddenly become more attainable. Desire is the drive that will push you to get things done. That is what will make you stay up to finish that last project or read the last page. This is the reason that when people seek success or financial freedom, it is best that they seek to use what they are passionate about to fuel this desire. What the passion will do is keep you interested.
Take for example the many Multilevel Marketing opportunities or Real Estate Books or CD packages that are available and tout financial freedom in no time. These programs are offered to everyone and encourage everyone to take advantage of these opportunities… Ever wondered why they work for some but not all as is promised… One of the reasons is the lack of passion. Unless they are truly passionate about that what they are doing. They are therefore not as motivated to go above and beyond and do what it takes. I started writing this but got caught up in other stuff, but the other day a friend gave me copy of an overview on CD. So this is my queue to finish the blog series I planned. So look forward to that in the coming days…
I’ll go though each habit. A reminder for those who read it and a taste for those who haven’t. I believe that these habits a have the potential to help people move mountains if they have a desire to get to the other side. As Keith Harell would say, let’s go from part-time Positive to full-time Positive.
Pardon the shameless plug… I’m tying to stay on http://www.blogsurfer.us … Gotta get that traffic.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
www.DrJudiC.com
