November 28, 2011 at 6:59 pm
In his book Turning Stones, Mark Parent shares the story of a child who while walking on the beach, would pick up snails she found along the way and throw them back into the ocean. When grandma pointed out that there are so many little critters that have washed up along so many miles of shore and that throwing a few of them back really will not make a difference, the child’s response was “it makes a difference to this one” as she threw in the latest rescue.
That child realized something that many adults have forgotten- Every action makes a difference. We hear the words so often but don’t really put them into action. As the holiday season is in full bloom, stores are packed and traffic backed up it’s important to remember those words. When your place of worship needs volunteers and your schedule won’t allow you the four hours, the one hour you have can make a difference. When your local soup kitchen is making a plea for donations and you can’t afford a large cash donation, giving a few extra cans from your pantry will make a difference. It’s true that donating a box of pasta will not feed the hundreds of people in the community who are hungry, but it will make a great difference for the one family who eats because of that donation.
We sometimes spend so much time trying to save the world that we forget to help the individual next to us who is calling out for help. While things done for the masses may bring a brief moment of acknowledgement and accolades, the small gesture expended to an individual earns a deeper sense of gratitude. Public accolades may fade away, but the gratitude of the individual will not only last, it will multiply. When the individual remembers the kindness of a stranger, friend or loved one, and repays it with kindness toward another. Instead of creating one big moment that may or may not last, you inspire a cycle of influence that continues to multiply.
This same method applies in business.Although every small business owner (myself included) would love to land that one big client who catapults your business into arenas you could not imagine, taking time out to provide the super star treatment to every small deal, every sale, can have similar impact. When you provide your clients with service that are above and beyond what they expected and the competition offers, your clients can share their experience with others, thus creating a snow ball effect. The more great things you do, the more you are talked about. You may not get the one client who alone can sustain your business, but the many satisfied customers can together have the same impact as they bring others along with them.
When you are looking to widen you sphere of influence, place less emphasis on how many you can impact in one act and focus more on how deeply you can impact individuals. Individuals are the ones who will spread your message. They are the ones who will remember and act from their hearts. Individuals will carry out your message both through words and action, and they have the ability to influence others to join them. In this fad chasing world, we must always remember to focus on people, because when the hoopla dies down the people who have been personally affected will still remember. Be memorable to one, inspire one, and your reach will go beyond your imagination.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
November 21, 2011 at 12:51 pm
Whether it’s a job interview or meeting with a potential client, it should go without saying that you need to know your stuff. That is expected, and failure to deliver on that is both a waste of your time and an insult to the person you are meeting with. So when you know that everyone else is going to come in prepared, the key to being the one lies in your ability to stand out from the group.
Think outside the box. You know that, but it just so happens that so do your competitors. While everyone else may be trying to think outside the box, not everyone has the same strengths and expertise. Play to your greater strengths. Focus on what you can do, that hasn’t been done before that will not only meet the needs of the client or organization, but surpass expectations. This way you are offering something that is beyond great and can best be delivered by you. It’s not just – This is how you can make money- It’s more of a –These as the benefits that come in the package with me. In order to get these great benefits they want, they have to first bring you on board. This is something that should be done for every interview or presentation to meet the different needs. What you offer each client should be uniquely tailored to their individual needs. That’s why you can’t take the same presentation of every client or send the same exact resume to every job opening.
Expand your comfort zone. Everyone talks about stepping out of your comfort zone. That is a great exercise, but it’s not enough. Going out of your comfort zone is something that is easy to do when you are relaxed and comfortable, but not as much when you are on the spot and the pressure is on. These situations breed nervousness in the most confident people, and nervousness pushes people to retreat to what they find comfortable. If you are soft spoken, practicing to speak up before an interview is not enough. Instead, you need to learn to express yourself in a way that gets your message across through your soft voice. You may practice speaking up with your friends, but when comfort gets replaced by nerves so will your louder commanding voice be replaced by that squeaky mouse you thought you put out. What you already know however, you will know no matter how much pressure you’re under. As a long term goal however you will want to work on being more expressive because that is a demand of your field. You can do the exercises and practice with others as the new way becomes entrenched in how you operate. The goal is to become so naturally expressive that you don’t need to think about it before a big meeting, but until you reach that point you still know how to make your point from where you stand. Over time, you will develop 2 new tools- You will learn how to convey your message within your original comfort zone, but you’ll also become more expressive and have a more effective way of doing the same job that may eventually become most comfortable.
Conduct the energy. When the cards appear to be held by the other person(s), one of the best ways to level the field is to control the energy. Get them feeling the way you want tem to. When you want people to be excited about you and what you are talking about, you have to set the example and tone. A smile is the quickest way to start changing energy. When you do something with a smile, including speak or make a presentation, is changes the intonation in your voice. When your voice has that has a tone of joy, the listener hears it and responds to it even if subconsciously. They reflect that tone which will in turn increase your energy. It becomes like a game of energy catch, except that the ball of energy gets bigger each time it is caught. It works the same way with negative energy too, so be careful what energies you are putting out there. When you get your audience to feel the way you want them to feel, then you are in a better position to entice them to make the decisions that you want. While a stern super serious look from your audience can shock your nerves and cause you to stumble, a smile from you can encourage the more relaxed recipient to appear instead. In order to do that, your smile will have to outlast any frown in the room. Thankfully, smiles are more catchy 🙂
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
November 14, 2011 at 2:45 pm
When you do things that are different from others it is not uncommon to hear criticism. That’s perfectly fine. Just because others cannot see your vision does not mean you need to allow them to cloud you’re your site of it. I certainly have a few should be insults that I proudly don as a badge of honor. I’m “cheap” because my purchases must both make sense to me and fit in my budget. I’m “boring” when I choose to stay in to get my work done when I need to. Other people will throw words around all the times, sometimes maliciously, and other times just because they don’t know better. What really matters is not the words that are said or the speaker’s intent- It’s your acceptance.
You can always rely a confused look when you thank someone for something that was not intended to be a compliment. When someone calls you a nerd, that is confirmation that you are knowledgeable and knowledge seeking. That is an indication that you placed learning above what the person wanted you to value. When your “friend” tells you how cheap you are, it’s validation of your efforts to place your financial future over the frivolous spending they wanted company in. For these reasons you should thank the people who are pointing out that you are succeeding in your endeavors. Reminding you that you are staying on your track.
As long as you continue on your journey toward improvement or maintaining a level of success you have attained, there will be others who don’t understand the journey or its purpose. They will not place the same value on your efforts, because in addition to not joining in their in indulgences, you may be making them think about what they are doing. If they can get you to join in, they get confirmation that they are right and don’t have to think about it.
One of my favorite parts in the movie Pursuit of Happyness was when Mr. Garner spoke with his son at the basketball court. “You got a dream, you gotta protect it… You want something, you go get it. Period.” Those words are important to remember when undertaking a journey that is different from what everyone else is doing. There will always be someone who does not get it. But instead of telling you that hey don’t get it, they will try to make you feel like you lost your marbles for thinking so big. I mean can you imagine what people said when those crazy Wright brothers talked about putting a mechanical bird in the air? —Ya’ll boys better go satdown somewhere. Today everyone is talking about diversification, and multiple streams of income, but when George Washington Carver was first trying to educate people on that while the industry was trying to figure out how to get cotton back, someone certainly told him where to go with his peanuts and that alternative crops mambo jumbo. The inventions of these men our integral parts of our society now.
Other people not getting the vision is not a sign that you are wrong. It’s confirmation that you are on to something new. Something BIG! As they attempt to qualify you for your own dream (you don’t have …, you don’t know… you didn’t even…), they are also reminding you of what you’ve had to overcome to conceive this great dream of yours. “Really? How you gon’ be a business owner and didn’t even graduate high school?” That simply means that you can see far beyond the limitations they impose as what someone who did not graduate high school can do. Knowing that you are such the visionary shall be your motivation to put together actionable plans to realize your vision. Can you imagine if President Obama told the cashier taking his mother’s food stamp that he was going to be President Of The United States? In the words of Mays Gilliam: “which United States?” When others can’t see your vision, don’t allow their blindness to cloud your own vision. Instead, see it for them too. Visualize it. Actualize it. See yourself right! Make your vision so clear that if you read your action plan in reverse it looks like the steps for deconstructing your final product. Whether your goal is financial, professional, educational or anything else you could want, always keep an eye on the prize and the other on the action plan you are following.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
November 7, 2011 at 3:56 pm
These days we hear a lot about changing mindsets, shifting thoughts and the many other ways that it’s said. The conversation needs to continue beyond though and into action. I am a strong proponent of changing one’s thoughts in order to make life changes. I am a Cognitive Behavior Therapist through and through. The thing about Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) is that while it starts with thoughts, its power is in the action. Changing one’s thoughts is supposed to help or at least ease the changes in behavior. It seems that there is a great deal of emphasis that is being placed on the cognitive part that is not matching with the behavior portion. It’s not just about thinking that “yes I can get the job” it’s having the mindset and following it up with actions. I have heard Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich as well as Robert Kiyosaki’s Rich Dad Poor Dad quoted out of context too many times. While both books may speak about a mindset, the behavior aspect of these lessons should not be missed. You can’t just think a million dollars into your account without first taking the steps that can generate a million dollars. Even lottery winners had to at least get the ticket.
I still remember my professor repeating “stop that stinkin’ thinkin’” which he drilled into us. The reason this change is needed is that the way we think determines how we behave. If the thinking is positive, the behaviors that follow will be positive. That will in turn produce more positive feelings and thoughts. Of course, that means that the reverse is just as true. Negative thoughts nurture negative feelings and the resulting behavior is just as negative and continues the cycle. Thankfully, it only takes one change in the pattern to break the cycle.
Following through is one of the more difficult parts of this whole thing. When making changes toward positive outcomes, the change may be slower in coming, thereby making it more difficult to notice. When things are already negative, it is easier to notice that they have not changed because there is already so much of it covering up what positive changes may have occurred.
So how do you change this?
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Switch your mindset. Stop that stinkin’ thinkin’. Think more in terms of the outcome that you are looking for. While culturally we may be programmed to think of the many things that could go wrong, we have to change that to focusing on the many ways that things can go right. It’s not about taking pointless risks, like getting on a bike without a helmet because many accidents don’t result in head trauma. Rather it’s putting on your safety gear and then jumping on the bike because you’ve always wanted to ride, and knowing that when you follow certain safety precautions you can learn to ride and not get hurt, as opposed to not getting on the bike because people have had accidents. When you switch your mindset you are not necessarily oblivious to the fact that bad things can happen, you are just more focused to the positive things that you can make happen and taking the steps to bring them about. Instead of cowering in fear, you step out on faith.
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Analyze the behaviors that you have engaged in the past as well as the behaviors of those who have achieved the goal that you want to achieve. You’re not looking to copy; you just need to understand the difference. Then you can move on to an assessment of your own resources to determine what you have or will need in order to change the behaviors that have held you back in the past. Of course you already know that the next step will be finding ways to tackle them.
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Visualize yourself engaging in these behaviors. Whether it’s personal financial, professional or whatever- Visualize yourself taking the steps that are necessary and having the outcome you desire. If you can visualize yourself meeting your targets at work and getting the promotion, then your body feels safe engaging in the behavior and reaching for that outcome. Let’s face it, change is scary. If you can visualize making changes and getting the results, then you are giving yourself permission to go after them, because in your mind’s eye you have seen the positive outcome that can be reached. Once you’ve experience the feeling of being in your new home, it makes it easier to not whip out our credit card when you see those new shoes.
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Energize your actions. Don’t just go in with the hopes of it working. Go in knowing that this is what will work. If you’ve taken the time to do your research and preparations and discovered the tools that can work, then take ownership. Know that if you do your part certain things will happen as a result. Just as you know that if you poor water on paper it gets wet, know that when you study you will learn. If occupy your mind with hopping that you learn, then you are using mental energy that can be going towards your learning to entertain the potential of a negative outcome. You’re using learning space to store your fear of not learning. How much sense does that make? Take every step expecting it to yield the positive result that it should. If you are thinking that way, your body has way of taking the steps necessary to ensure success.
Remember, if it’s worth having, it’s probably not easy to get. That is one of the ways the value of our goals are increased. The more valuable your prize, the more difficulty you may encounter in getting it. This also means that the more difficulty you encounter on the journey to reaching your goal, the more rewarding the prize will be when you do get it.
I’m just saying though…
Dream Big… Live Bigger…
DrJudiC
